I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

A few weeks back we learned that the marriage of Julianne Hough and Brooks Laich isn’t so joyful. She came out as bisexual and then he said he wanted to explore his sexuality; out of a need to be helpful, I offered to help Brooks.

But now it’s worse … they’ve taken a page from Bruce and Demi, by self-isolating in separate states. While Brooks is in Idaho with their dog, Julianne is in LA … walking around with British actor Ben Barnes.

Yeah, this sounds like a stable union and, um, Brooks, again, if you need help with the exploration, I have some experience in that field.

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And Contagion Paltrow is back in the gossip for being an idiot. I know, nothing new, but still … It seems that  lifestyle “expert” Gwyneth Paltrow has donated a dress she wore to the Oscars once and it’ll be auctioned off for charity, But the rub is, it’s a dress Contagion herself has called ugly, so, yeah, why not auction it off …? She let everyone know with this:

“In an effort to focus on organizations providing food assistance, I have joined the All In Challenge which raising money for Meals On Wheels, No Kid Hungry, WC Kitchen, Feeding America, and America’s Food Fund. I am donating a dress I wore to the Oscars (and that holds great sentimental value!) which I will personally hand to you over a cup of tea or a glass of wine.”

In 2000, Gwyneth wore this plain Calvin Klein dress to the Oscars. No, not that pink-as-pale-dead skin nighty looking mess she wore the year before when she stole Cate Blanchett’s Oscar won Best Actress for Shakespeare in Love. This 2000 dress was a basic bitch dress that one might wear to a sixth-grade dance …and get laughed out of the room.

Yes; Contagion  decided to auction off that dress—which appeared on several Worst Dressed Lists—saying it’s a “good one to donate” because its “end of the 90s” style has since made a comeback. Is it, though? I mean, because back in 2013 when asked what she thought were her worst fashion moments, she said:

“Two that come to mind are looks I wore to the Oscars in 2000 and 2002. The first is the Calvin Klein. It’s an okay dress but not Oscars material. I chose it because I wanted to disappear that year.”

Honey, we wanted you to disappear, too. But which is it, a beautiful nod to the 90s coming back around again, or a nothing little thing that makes no impact?

Must be the latter because why else would you donate it to charity?

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I like Reese Witherspoon as an actress, kind of. I mean, not the Legally Blond Reese but the Big Little Lies Reese because she was kind of a bitch, so probably more like the real deal. But I did take issue with 2013 Reese—who might have been saved from embarrassment if she’d worn Paltrow’s dress and become invisible—when she and her husband, Jim Toth, were pulled over for driving like drinks and behaving like drinks in Atlanta.

Jim was arrested for DUI and failure to maintain a lane while driving and Reese was charged with disorderly conduct and perhaps for slurring to police officers who were cuffing her:

“Don’t you know who I am?”

“You’re drunk off her ass Reese Witherspoon.”

Well, Reese made an appearance on Jameela Jamil’s podcast, I Weigh with Jameela Jamil, in which Jamil asked her about that infamous run-in with the law:

“It was so embarrassing and dumb, but you know what—[it] turns out I breathe air. I bleed the same way. I make dumb decisions. I make great decisions. I’m just a human being. We’re all just the same as each other and we’re all trying to find what our special skills are. My special skill is storytelling but that doesn’t mean I’m a special person.”

Nice, but, um, Reese, while you’re human and we’re all human, I don’t think the vast majority of us, pulled over because our husband was so drunk he couldn’t stay on the road, and so drunk ourselves that, instead of saying ‘Sorry,’ we played the Fame Card.

That was all you, and it was pathetic.

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Ellen DeGeneres has the reputation of being the nicest woman on TV, but is she? Really? Ellen recently caught flak by claiming she felt like she was in jail for having to self-isolate in one of her many mansions, and now this:

Apparently numerous inside sources from Ellen’s show have given an inside peek at what it’s like working for her during the COVID-19 shutdown. And if they’re telling the truth, then Ellen might want to go ahead and get a hoodie made up that says, “Be kind to one another, with the exception of most of the people who work on my show.”

The core stage crew of Ellen is made up of roughly 30 employees, but since the show went audience-less about a month ago Ellen has been broadcasting from the Big House—well, one of her big houses—and conducting interviews with guests via satellite. So, only four core crew members are working on the remote broadcast, which means at least 26 are stuck at home and wondering what’s going to happen to them, but …

According to anonymous sources—employees who still work for the show and want to keep it that way—if they reach out to producers to inquire about work hours, pay, or questions regarding their mental and physical health they get no response. Morale got worse when the furloughed crew members heard that Ellen had ALLEGEDLY hired a non-union company to assist with her at-home broadcast, instead of bringing back her unionized crew members.  To make matters worse, while Ellen is making a little more money hiring non-union workers, her employees will be taking a 60% pay cut.

Why do that, Ellen? To avoid paying your employees and line your pockets with extra coins? Doesn’t seem so nice now, does she? On the upside, as soon as reports surfaced about the crew having their wages cut—while Ellen took no such pay decrease—producers suddenly announced that the pay cut was over, and the crew would receive their back pay.

Ellen ALLEGEDLY makes $50 million a year from her TV show and is worth an estimated $330 million. Surely, she could afford to take a little pay cut and help out her crew? Like Jimmy Kimmel, who has been paying his furloughed stagehands out of his own pockets.

Maybe Jimmy should be hailed as the Nicest Person in show business and Ellen should be placed in the Scrooge McDuck category.

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On the most recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes 35-year-old Khloé Kardastrophe talked about wanting more babies and suggested that maybe she would need to “borrow” sperm from the father of her baby daddy and serial cheater Tristan Thompson, to make a new baby sibling for little True.

First off, you dim bulb, lay off the fillers. When you child grows up, she’ll look nothing like your plastic face and wonder if you’re her real mommy.

Secondly, if you borrow sperm that means you have to give it back. I guess your education didn’t reach that far.

Thirdly, by all means make another baby with a man who cheated on his first baby mama with you, while she was pregnant, and then cheated on you with another woman while you were pregnant.

Keep making those good choices, hon, you’re a role model for famewhores everywhere.

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Earlier this month when we learned that Bruce Willis was quarantining in Idaho with his ex-wife Demi Moore and their adult children while his current wife, Emma Heming Willis and their two young daughters  were in Los Angeles. And Demi-Bruce spawn, Scout, one of the older girls, is explaining things:

“It’s been so funny because to me they’re just like my super fucking weird parents but to everyone else, they’re at this different level. “It’s actually been really cool. My stepmom was supposed to come up here with my little sisters but my younger sister, who is now about to be [6] years old, at a park, had never gotten the talk about not fucking with hypothermic [sic] needles that she found so she actually tried to poke her shoe with it and poked her foot. So, my stepmom had to be in LA waiting to get the results from taking her to the doctor so my dad came up here and then travel got crazy, so my stepmom stayed in LA with my little sisters.”

Look, I‘m’a admit something: I rarely lie, though I can make up a good story, but I am a good liar. Thing is, you gotta keep it simple because you start embellishing and the details overwhelm the lie.

So, um, Scout, WTF kinda park does your stepmother take her child to that has hypodermic needles on the ground? And how is a six-year-old left alone long enough to touch the needle and then stick herself with it? And if Bruce was already in Idaho when this happened, and he’s been in Idaho since March, why didn’t he just drive his back to L.A. when he learned that his daughter might have contracted hepatitis or worse from stabbing herself in the foot with a used syringe?

Yeah, Scout, that’s a nice try …

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