PR All-St★rs 4 Ep 12: Marilyn Mongrel?

This week we are going to winnow down the designtestants to Those Will Who Show At The Tents — well, whatever building will be substituted for The Tents —  so Alyssa meets the designers on the runway, and introduces them to Kelli Garner, who will be playing Marilyn Monroe in a Lifetime mini-series.

Okay, so the task is to design a dress for Marilyn for the movie? No. Design a dress based on an iconic Monroe look? No. The challenge is to design a glittering, shimmering, dazzling red carpet gown suitable for the Oscars that, like Marilyn — oh, now I get it — will be remembered for years to come.

The designtestants will have their biggest budget ever--$500.00 — but just one day to complete the task, except … there’s a twist; a twist I have dubbed The Biggest WTF Twist In PR History!

Isaac comes into the workroom with that bitch — no, not Nina, y’all, but Lassie. Yes. Lassie. He announces a twist-y surprise mini-challenge in which the designtestants will create a canine couture plucked from a particular movie genre. Helen gets sci-fi; Michelle gets western; Dmitry gets gangster; Sonjia gets musical ... blah blah blah ... they design, they walk the runway, dogs pee and poop and Michelle wins! And now she’ll design clothes for Lassie.com.

Whatever … let’s rip …

DMITRY 

He opts for 20s glamour because nothing says timeless … memorable … Oscar … Marilyn … like a fringed 1920s looking flapper gown. As usual, Dmitry does what he wants and then works it into the challenge, though he does get into a bit of a pickle because his fringe is white while the dress is not. So he has to dye the fringe in tea to, as he says, or as Isaac said last week, ‘make it happen.’

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She loves the looks, but worried that the little bits of sparkle won’t make it memorable.

WHAT HE SAID

Nobody would ever believe that dress was made in twelve hours.

WHAT I SAID

Grandma’s tablecloth, after someone spilled gravy on it. Where’s the dazzle?

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa says the dress blew her away, and it’s her favorite look she’s ever seen on the PR … All-stars. She then added, and I quote, “It’s f**king beautiful,” causing Isaac — and how much do I adore him — to utter, “So unseemly when pregnant ladies use that kind of language.” He then goes on to call the dress ‘major’ and so ‘right there,’ though he feels the fringe reads raffia and less Oscar-worthy. Sophia Amoruso, of Nasty Girl … whatever … loves all the elements, and the dazzle — oh, there it is in bits and spots; she also loves the clear straps and says she’d never thought she’d love a clear strap. M’kay. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loves the way the fringe hangs, and how the back drapes; she says the dress needs no translation to real life — read: alteration — because it is ‘the’ dress.

SONJIA

She wants drama, and nothing says dram, at least to Sonjia like a pencil skirt in lace placed over a mini-skirt; which means Sonjia has done drama before because she’s done pencil skirts in lace over mini’s already this season. But, she slaps a Breast Bow on the girl and calls it as day.

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She loves the dress, calls it timeless and says it will stand the test of time. Did she not notice that it was another pencil skirt in lace with yada yada yada?

WHAT SHE SAID

I’m so excited about my look … it’s gold … it’s silver.

WHAT I SAID

It’s a bow on a pencil — yada yada yada. Pretty but, yeah, seen it before.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac loves the drama of it all, and calls it a memorable look. He likes a midriff — apparently everyone is mad about midriff this season, as he says — and loves that, while it’s midriff in the front, the back is connected. He says she designed the hell out of it. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ calls it fabulous and impactful, and says Sonjia is the only one who took a risk; she does think, however, that there are maybe one too many elements — lace, pencil skirt, mini — that detract from the drama of the Breast Bow. Alyssa says it will stand the test of time and is quite relevant today, while Sophia loves the top, saying it’s voluminous yet not overwhelming, and all the angles it creates.

MICHELLE 

She’s all about fabric, and finds what I learned was a Burnout Velvet with Lurex — not at all like the burnouts from high school — that is eighty bucks a yard; she spends all her dough on that one fabric, and hopes to creates a dress that is classic, but with the added allure of a plunging back.

WHAT ZANNA SAID

Zanna loves the simplicity of it, but hates the cheapness of the chains Michelle is trying to drape across the back; Michelle drops the chains, save one.

WHAT SHE SAID

She just sparkles. She looks sexy and confident. It’s the gowniest gown I’ve ever made.

WHAT I SAID

I love how slinky and sexy it is, but wonder how timeless it is; also, that little chain across the back at the waistline reads a little tramp stamp to me.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa loves the fabric, and thinks the silhouette is a classic but far too simple; she also loathes the chain and says the dress needed shoulder pads to give more drama. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it was pretty, though she didn’t care for the fabric—Michelle says it was expensive, and Isaac snaps, ‘Just because it costs a lot doesn’t mean it looks expensive.”—and she also thinks the patterning is off. Sophia called it pretty, and loved the fit of the dress; she loved the back, and thought it timeless, but way too sheer and hated the belly chain. Isaac, though, loved the sheer and thought it was the best work Michelle has done—though, yes, he hated the textile. He loved the mystery and called the back enchanting, and loved the loops Michelle added so the model could slip a finger through them and pose in a cool way.

HELEN 

She starts off by clapping her hands wildly at a red carpet challenge because it’s in her wheelhouse, it’s what she does, she’s got this, she has to win this … and then she picks the most Grandma Chantilly lace and fabrics. WTHelen?

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She calls it old-fashioned and Victorian and museum-, not Oscar-, worthy. Helen scrambles to fix the Old Lady of it all.

WHAT SHE SAID

It’s romantical and it is sweet and it is pretty.

WHAT I SAID

Pretty bland. For someone who does red carpet this is boring.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Sophia calls it pretty, and loves the beading, but says the color would be a challenge for a lot of women to wear; she wishes Helen had given it more drama. Alyssa liked that it was safe—it would keep you off the Worst Dressed List … and the Best Dressed, too—but thought it classically beautiful.  The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it pretty … safe; too safe, not original. She also thought the straps on the redesigned bodice looked cheap. Isaac loved the color, but found it too safe and too long and said it didn’t move well; with an assist from Georgina, the dress was lifted to more of an empire waistline and looked remarkably better, though still safe.

Dmitry gets the win with Fringe over Sonjia’s bow, and they will both be in the Finale.

But they cannot decide on Michelle or Helen, so they must first give the Why I Deserve To Show speech, and then Alyssa gives them the One Hour Runway Challenge: they must take some of the Auf’d designer’s loser looks, and, using three of them, create something new that expresses their POV.

They get right to work … clocks a’ticking … and then Helen has a breakdown because she cannot cut up someone else’s work; she calls it “cruel and unusual” and “bull sh*t.” Michelle comforts her, and I think may have slapped her — I know I would have — and suddenly the crying jag is over and it’s back to work.

Helen took Patricia’s Uptown Girl dress, and the bottom of Fabio’s Bridesmaid dress, and some of Chris's Couture trimmings and made an exact replica of the dress she was wearing — except for the little fang detail. Isaac called it fresh and easy and loved the fangs; he also said it was austere and sad, which, I guess is good. Alyssa called it beautiful and remarked that sometimes Helen does her best work under pressure. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it considered and tailored, and loved the wink of the fang.

 Michelle took Jay’s QVC pants and top, and Justin’s Couture skirt, and made what she calls a Pant-cho. Isaac called it very creative, and loved the lines, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it was amazing and had wit and intellect and great angles. Alyssa also loved it, but made note that Michelle did not follow the challenge because she used just two designer’s looks.

Who’s in? Who’s out?

Well, while no one mentions that it’s the reasons, Michelle is booted, possibly because she did not follow the challenge to the letter. Dumb mistake; dumb.

So Helen is in, and will join Sonjia and Dmitry at The All-Stars’ Version Of The Tents.

That whole dog challenge was just a colossal waste of time; dumbest thing ever. That said, dogs peeing and pooping on the runway? I thought it was the best critique ever!

As I looked at their original gowns, I still think Michelle should have gone third, and Helen gone home, because her dress, while safe, at least had dram and sex and shimmer. Helen’s was just so dull, and simple and safe.

Dmitry wins Line of the Night for his comment at the start of the dog challenge: “Unfortunately, I am allergic to dogs, but I am more allergic to losing.”

Dmitry, Sonjia and Helen. Okay. I see Dmitry and Sonjia being Tops — with Dmitry doing something he’s already done and Sonjia making a collection of pencil skirts in lace. I see Helen’s austere collection looking just sad.

Lastly, gosh, how much do I adore Isaac Mizrahi? I love people who use words that aren’t often heard anymore; like “unseemly” and “mad” about midriff. Plus he’s just so full of life and fun. I wanna do cocktails with him and Georgina.

What did YOU think?