Saturday, February 28, 2015

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Kanye West is crazy, but he is the gift that keeps on yeezing … in a new radio interview he managed a few interesting things.

First up, he confirmed that seventeen-year-old Kylie Jenner is dating twenty-five-year-old rapper Tyga, when everyone else — from Tyga to Kylie to That Woman — said it wasn’t true, and then he threw some shade at Amber Rose because she Tweeted that Kylie and Tyga were dating and, well, as a gentleman he kept it all so polite:

He said he would never have banged and banged and banged Amber if Kim had let him bang her first, and then added that “30 showers” after dating Amber before he got with Kim … the porn star. 

Amber responded on Twitter because, well, I don’t know who she is or what she does besides wear ugly-ass clothes and talk on Twitter. But she said:

@kanyewest This is my moment to let the world know who u really are and the things you’ve done to me. 

@kanyewest after all these years I never snitched on u and I don’t plan on starting now. We once loved each other so I won’t do u like that.

She won’t do him like that; she’ll just threaten to do it? Amber and Yeezy should ‘a stayed together because they are both cray …
John Travolta, Ick. At the Oscars last week, he saw his friend Scarlett Johansson — they worked together when she was a child star — and snuck up behind her to plant a kiss on her cheek while she was posing for the bank of cameras. Cree-py.

But that’s not the bad part … when he was scheduled to present with Adele Dazeem Idina Menzel  a funny bit and kudos to Travolta for allowing the academy, and the world, to continue mocking his special brand of crazy — he took the lunacy to new heights.

He decided to fool around with the blocking with Idina, and ended up pawing her face and stroking her chin in another display of Creepy Travolta Groping Actresses At the Oscars™.

But the creepiest part came after the show, when he appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live and explained the Adele Dazeem Moment buy blaming it on Goldie Hawn:

“[Last year before I went onstage] I ran into Goldie Hawn. Now, Goldie Hawn is sexy, charismatic, beautiful … amazing, and I was star-struck. I’m star-struck, hugging and loving her up, forgetting that I have to go and do this bit. And they said, ‘You’re on.’” 

He says he was presented with a card that had Idina’s name written out phonetically, and it was different than the card he was using during the rehearsal and he was all kerfuffled because … Goldie.

Now, if it had been a masseur he was “loving up” on I could see it, but he expects us to believe he was flummoxed because of Goldie Hawn?

Ain’t happenin’ Johnny.
In other Kanye news, he had a little sump’n-sump’n to say to Fern Mallis, the bigwig of New York Fashion Week after Fern had the audacity to say this about him:

“I’m kind of over Kanye. I mean, I’m not a fan of his music, and the attitude and the agenda is not my style.” 

Kanye took to Twitter because, well, he’s a lunatic:

“To Fern Mallis: I just want you to understand that attempting to do clothing has been very difficult and I have encountered countless amounts of bigotry along the way. I have millions of ideas and I represent a new generation just trying to express themselves in a broken world. I don’t call myself a designer as I was not allowed to go to Saint Martins because I was too famous by the time I realized I wanted to design ... Fame is often looked down upon in the design world, so it’s actually been something I had to overcome. All we have are our dreams, and you can step on our dreams and ideas all you want, but we won’t stop fighting. We want to innovate and we will win someday. If you wanna have a drink with me, book a table at the spotted pig when I’m back in NY.”

Wow, he’s making new strides in the Civil Rights movement via the fashion industry and then whining about how he couldn’t go to deign school because he was too famous.

Sit down, Kanye; you have rich people, problems.
Remember Bennifer? Ben Affleck and JLo? One of the hottest mess couples ever?

All the time they were together he was gambling and uncomfortable, and she was trying too hard to make it work because she wanted to seem legitimate or something. She styled him like her personal plaything and he hung out in strip clubs. They did hilariously awkward interviews together and he groped her ass in a video.

Well, at the Oscars last week they were both there, and date-less. Ben’s wife, Jennifer Garner was busy doing a make-up commercial or something and JLo came with her manager, i.e. back-up date, and then this happened:

During the show, the ex-messes had a brief, off-camera reunion during a commercial break. After won Best Documentary Feature Oscar, Affleck wandered over to Lopez, who was seated in the front row and bent down to whisper in her ear, after which she smacked him on the arm.

What was it, I wonder? Meet me out back? The wife is not home?

Or perhaps it was nothing, because right after that Affleck moved down the aisle and whispered something in Bradley Cooper’s ear; BCoop did not playfully slap Ben, but I wonder what he said … Meet me out back? The wife is not home?

Just sayin’.
Now let’s do Lohan … Prosecutor Terry White doesn’t think the hours that the cracktress is claiming as community service should count; he specifically has issues with the 240 hours Lohan is claiming she put in at a London volunteer center because one six-hour stretch of community service completed consists of a two-hour matinee performance of “Speed-the-Plow,” a two-hour evening performance and a two-hour meet-and-greet.

Yes, she calls going to work and doing her job, and then standing around saying hello to fan … singular … community service.

White feels there are enough irregularities to call the actress’ community service into question and wants a judge to violate Lohan’s probation and order her to be present in person for a hearing to determine what penalties she might face.

Ruh-roh. I guess when I told the court that grocery shopping counts as community service I was wrong … and Lindsay was, too, because Lohan and her community service organization just got slammed by a judge who threw out more than half of her hours and ordered her to do another 125 hours.

And since she hasn’t got a job, I guess standing around on a New York sidewalk talking to extras in a film won’t count.
Chris Brown is crazy. Hmmm Kanye, Travolta, Brown … crazy. I’m sensing a theme here.

Anyway, Chris seems to think that he’s quite the catch and that any woman should be lucky to have him, even the woman he pummeled in the car; yup, Chris actually claimed during an interview that Rihanna will never do better than him.

When asked about the Kanye West lyric  “If you leave Mickey, you gon’ end up with Goofy/I imagine that’s what Chris told Karrueche  ina Big Sean song, Chris Brown said this:

“I feel what he meant by it, and I’m not just saying it as an arrogant statement. In any situation, when you look at yourself in a certain light – cocky or not – there’s nowhere else to go. Even with [Rihanna], who else you gonna go to? [...] Who else in this game she gonna go to? Some corny singing rapper? What she do now, I got respect for her and all that, whatever her choice is. But at the time, not to toot my own horn, but who hotter than me?”

Um ... my ass after a spicy Mexican meal for one, bitch.

He seriously thinks Rihanna will never do better than the guy that beat the crap outta her and then never showed any remorse for it.

Siddown Brown, you’re an idiot.
In Obvious News … Kim Kardastrophe, known for Photoshopping her Instagram pictures — with warped backgrounds and wall that curve inward — has apparently hired a professional Photoshop assistant that she pays $100K a year to make her look… well, still like a hooker, but in better photographs.

A source — and it’s possibly Lohan thinking gossip will fulfill her community service requirements — says, “Kim used to ask a friend to fix up photos, but it would take hours. She finally decided to hire a pro that can be on call 24/7.”

And Kim ALLEGEDLY pays the pro some $100,000 a year. And, to make sure the original shots, where she looks like a cheaper version of a hooker, never see the light of day, Kim had her pro sign a nondisclosure agreement promising to destroy all the originals.

Still, $100,000 a year to make her look less cheap? Oxy … moron.
Sometimes being an Oscar winner brings about the best things ever!

The founders of Montauk Brewing Company — who noticed that their beer was featured in Julianne Moore’s film Still Alice — keep leaving six-packs of their beer on the Oscar winner’s doorstep.

Oscar and beer? I wanna win an Oscar!
Oh Canada, with their healthcare and no GOP. I so should be living there, especially now that they’ve done this … Chris Brown tried to get into Canada last week and Canada politely said, “Um, GTFO.”

Brown was supposed to play shows in Montreal Toronto tomorrow, but apparently he was asked not to come because Canada can ban a dick who has been convicted of assault.

Good on Canada, but, um, can they ask that Justin Bieber be returned?
You know it was a slow Oscars News day when the hottest story to come out of the show was the Zendaya and Giuliana Rancic Hair Feud of 2015 … and I won’t bore you with those boring details when there’s this … and that:

 During the VF Oscar party, Natalie Portman ALLEGEDLY had Oscar loser Reese Don’t-Make-Eye-Contact Witherspoon keep an ALLEGEDLY drunk Jennifer Aniston away from her because Natalie is Team Jolie.

 Speaking of Aniston, she was ALLEGEDLY “straight-up drunk” and spent a great deal of time grabbing Justin’s Bieber’s sloppy seconds-and-thirds, Selena Gomez’, ass, and telling Sofia Vergara she wanted to “eat her up.” Who knew a little tequila turns Aniston gay?

 When Chrissy Teigen — ugly-clothes-wearing model and wife of John Legend — was backstage at the Oscars, Neil Patrick Harris said Hello to her, but she just rolled her eyes and kept walking.

 When Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman walked the carpet, people took bets on whether or not they’d done Couples Botox.

 When Jessica Chastain tried to chat with Meryl Streep backstage, Meryl “couldn’t have looked more put off.” I don’t believe this because Meryl is America’s Acting Treasure and surely she could have rocked the part of Interested In Jessica Chastain?

 Jared Leto “openly ogled” Behati Prinsloo right in front of her husband Adam Levine.

 Sienna Miller “was horrified” when someone asked her if Robert Pattinson would ever get back together with Kristen Stewart. Sienna didn’t even respond because, well, she doesn’t know who those people are …

 Khloe Kardashian was slamming back champagne before she went on air on E! which seemed quite obvious when you heard her incoherent rambles about fashion. Two things that never go together Khloe Kardashian and Fashion.

Again, this all just gossip but, still, one wonders … why it sounds so much like a high school dance ... albeit in a much nicer gymnasium.
Sean Penn. He can be an amazing actor, but in real life he’s kind of a douche, and a hypocrite, and yet he doesn’t seem aware of it. Case in point … He doesn’t think much of actors these days because, well, here’s what he said:

“I think many actors have disgraced their craft and are left to celebrity status in many cases. They’re mostly the punks for what the studio wants to do.”

But then he turns right around and admits that he did his latest movie, The Gunman, just for the dough:

"Listen man, you get divorced, you pay a few fines and you get involved in something where it’s hard to get people to dig in their pockets and you have to dig in your own, and you’ve got kids, and by the time you finish directing a movie you’ve paid for it more than you’ve been paid for it. There are a lot worse ways of making a living than doing something that fascinates you, and acting does fascinate me.”

The best part is that he doesn’t even see what a hypocrite he is from one statement to the next!


Jim said...

John Travolta ... America's "creepy uncle" ... Lindsay baby ... America's "cracktress."

Mistress Maddie said...

Boy , the ever lovely and sharp Scarlett Johansson looks just thrilled doesn't she? She has too much class to be rude. And what is Chrissy Teigans problem? They have a word for women like her....but they aren't used in high society, or outside a kennel.

Helen Lashbrook said...

Kim Kardashover would look a lot classier in a burkha.....just sayin

the dogs' mother said...

I thought I'd heard it all ---- $100k to photoshop away your flaws?!
The Geek Full Employment Act.

anne marie in philly said...

an extra smelly load o garbage this week, bob!

and WHY is john revolting groping WOMEN?

Blobby said...

First - Brown might be crazy, but Canada isn't insane enough to take back Bieber.

Affleck, I'm almost positive, was pushing for a follow-up to 'Gigli'. Everyone is clamouring for it.

Sienna Miller. I love how anyone thinks she's anyone other than one of Jude Law's 17 baby mamas. She's a nobody.