Good News: Bye Bye Bachmann

Say what you will, she was always interesting. Dumb. Delusional. Asshatted. Moronic. Deceiving. Outright Lying. Misinformed. But interesting.

So, as we celebrate the fact the Michele Bachmann has chosen not to run for Congress again, and will instead devote the next year or so toward the planning of soon-to-be ex-husband, Marcus', same-sex wedding, while trying to dodge a Congressional Ethics probe, let's take a glance back at some of the pearls of wisdom that have spewed from her lips and then dribbled down her chin.

Ladies and Gentle-ladies, I give you Michele Bachmann, in her own words:

Michele Bachmann, announcing her bid for the 2010 presidential race from her birthplace of Waterloo, Iowa, she compared herself to another famous person from the area, John Wayne. In fact, John Wayne was not from Waterloo, but it was John Wayne Gacy, serial killer, who was from Waterloo: 

"What I want them to know is, just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit I have too."

Michele Bachmann, on the HPV vaccine:

"I will tell you that I had a mother last night come up to me here in Tampa, Florida, after the debate. She told me that her little daughter took that vaccine, that injection, and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter." 

Michele Bachmann, speaking on Texas Governor Rick Perry's executive order that girls in Texas receive the HPV vaccination:

"And to have innocent little 12-year-old girls be forced to have a government injection through an executive order is just flat out wrong." 

Michele Bachmann, explaining her refusal to complete the U.S. Census, brought another episode of her fear-mongering show to the public with warnings about what could happen should Americans complete the Census, as stipulated by the U.S. Constitution--only the Constitution doesn't say it's illegal to fill out the Census:

"Take this into consideration, If we look at American history, between 1942 and 1947, the data that was collected by the Census Bureau was handed over to the FBI and other organizations at the request of President Roosevelt, and that's how the Japanese were rounded up and put into the internment camps... I'm not saying that that's what the Administration is planning to do, but I am saying that private personal information that was given to the Census Bureau in the 1940s was used against Americans to round them up, in a violation of their constitutional rights, and put the Japanese in internment camps."

Michele Bachmann, seemingly saying that swine flu is some conspiracy by the Democrats though, in reality, that other outbreak of swine flu came in 1976 when Republican Gerald Ford was president.

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

Michele Bachmann, sharing her feelings about global warming with Congress, she explained that carbon dioxide is both natural and absolutely harmless:

"Carbon dioxide, Mr. Speaker, is a natural byproduct of nature. Carbon dioxide is natural. It occurs in Earth... Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful, but there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas."

Michele Bachmann, during her speech to the Republican Liberty Caucus of New Hampshire; for the record, the Battles of Lexington and Concord took place in the state of Massachusetts:

"What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love of liberty...You're the state where the shot heard round the world in Lexington and Concord."

Michele Bachmann, suggesting that President Barack Obama is either anti-American or is being controlled by those with anti-American agendas, and then backtracking on her accusations:

"The news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would, I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out are they are pro-America or anti-America... I think the people that Barack Obama has been associating with are anti-American, by and large... Absolutely, I'm very concerned that (Barack Obama) may have anti-American views... I never questioned Barack Obama’s patriotism."

Michele Bachmann, citing an unreliable article out of India, i.e. making stuff up, on the cost of a presidential trip to India:

"Well I think we know that just within a day or so, the president of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day. He's taking 2,000 people with him. He'll be renting out over 870 rooms in India. And these are 5-star hotel rooms at the Taj Mahal Palace hotel. This is the kind of over-the-top spending."

Michele Bachmann, speculating as to what may happen should a ban on same-sex marriage fail to pass:

"Our K-12 public school system, of which ninety per cent of all youth are in the public school system, they will be required to learn that homosexuality is normal, equal and perhaps you should try it. And that will occur immediately, that all schools will begin teaching homosexuality.

Michele Bachmann, on same-sex marriage in 2004:

"(Same-sex marriage) is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that."

Michele Bachmann, on same-sex marriage in 2011:

"In 5,000 years of recorded human history... neither in the east or in the west... has any society ever defined marriage as anything other than between men and women. Not one in 5000 years of recorded human history. That's an astounding fact and it isn't until the last 12 years or so that we have seen for the first time in recorded human history marriage defined as anything other than between men and between women."

Michele Bachmann, while criticizing President Barack Obama for the rising unemployment rate, offers a solution to curing unemployment once and for all:

"If we took away the minimum wage — if conceivably it was gone — we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level."

Michele Bachmann, once again having trouble with names, confused Founding Father John Adams with John Quincy Adams, while saying the Founding Fathers "worked tirelessly to end slavery":

"Well if you look at one of our Founding Fathers, John Quincy Adams, that’s absolutely true. He was a very young boy when he was with his father serving essentially as his father’s secretary. He tirelessly worked throughout his life to make sure that we did in fact one day eradicate slavery... Well, John Quincy Adams most certainly was a part of the Revolutionary War era. He was a young boy but he was actively involved."

Michele Bachmann, on The Gays:

"Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. A very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is to take a picture of "The Lion King" for instance, and a teacher might say, "Do you know the music for this movie was written by a gay man?" The message is: I'm better at what I do because I'm gay."

Michele Bachmann, suggesting at a presidential campaign event in Florida that the 2011 East Coast earthquake and hurricane was a message from God:

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending." 

Michele Bachmann, saying she pursued tax law, not by her own choice, but did so at the urging of her husband because she was certain God was speaking through him:

"Why should I go and do something like that? But the Lord says, 'Be submissive wives; you are to be submissive to your husbands."

Michelle Bachmann, calling for a new McCarthyism:

"I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?"

Michele Bachmann, while campaigning for president in South Carolina on what was actually the anniversary of Elvis's death:

"Before we get started, let's all say 'Happy Birthday' to Elvis Presley today."

Bye Bye Bachmann.