It's Snarkurday!

So, when last we heard from the Nick Cannon Mariah Carey Divorce Circus, the rumor was that Nick wasn’t gonna sign no divorce papers. And that means Mariah cannot marry her billionaire which you just know had Mimi in a snit.

Then, last week, Nick released a song called “Divorce Papers” which, you know, had absolutely nothing to do with him and Mimi ... uh huh ... and, in the song, Nick ALLEGES that the rumor he wouldn’t sign the papers was a lie and then he took some pot shots at his soon-to-be ex-wallet, er, wife:

“But f**k my health, y’all felt I kept this sh*t held up over some mother**king alimony? Now who phony”

“It’s f**ked up that the time that you spend with your own kids is called visitation.”

Now, Team Mariah is trying to shrug it all off as Nick needing to make some coins — which isn’t far off the mark — by dishing up non-existent dirt on Mimi; they say Nick is allowed to see his kids twins whenever he wants … they say, with a straight face, no less, that Nick and Mariah get along well ... they say it’s Nick’s lawyers who are holding things up.

And that might be true, because of the last line of that epic, sure-to-be-a-classic, “Divorce Papers” is:

“Man, f**k it let’s sign these papers.”

And yet there’s still no word on whether or not Nick signed those divorce papers and so Mariah must be content, fort now, with the Billionaire’s ring on her finger, and her training classes for butterflies to lift her and carry her down the aisle because Mimi don’t walk by herself.

Speaking of Mimi, howsabout a feud between Mimi and Arianna Grande used to start another feud between Mimi and JLo and all fueled by the I-have-nothing-better-to-do stylings of one Miss Demi Lovato … sh*t stirrer.

It began last week when Demi took to social media to remind us all that Mimi doesn’t like JLo … which ALLEGEDLY started by a video of Mariah being asked about Lopez and saying:

“I don’t know her.”

Well, Demi saw her chance to insert herself into Nunya Bidness by responding to a meme comparing a photo of Mariah Carey with one of Ariana Grande with the caption:

“When you order [Mariah] online vs. when it arrives it’s Ariana.”

Basically, it implies that Ariana Grande is Low Rent Mimi, which, you know, isn’t such a stretch of the imagination. But Demi, who is apparently Team Grande decided the meme was so offensive she commented on it with:

“You got it the wrong way around honey."

And so Demi added flame to the ire, er, fire between Mimi and Teeny Mimi, and then she, for no reason I’m guessing, added JLo to the mix by writing:

“Mariah is a legend and is so talented but consistently disses people… It's nasty the way she treats Jennifer.”

And then Demi, whose lips must be firmly planted on La Lopez Ass adds:

"Jen keeps it classy but I'm not afraid to say s**t. [Mariah] is mean for no reason. Extremely talented? Yes. Superhuman? Possibly. Unnecessarily rude? Absolutely."

Hillary Clinton instantly jumped into the fray, thinking Demi must be channeling Rump and Tweeted to Lovato:

“Delete your account.”

Okay, that didn’t happen, but perhaps it should because Demi has had Twitter-feuds, Instagram-feuds, and In-Her-Head-feuds, with Pink, Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift because, um, Big Stars and Demi Lovato … one of these things is not like the other.

So, it looks like the Noah Galvin Gay Rant about Colton Haynes’ coming out was just the first Gay Feud of Summer because now Billy Eichner, host of Billy on the Street, and “personality” Ross Mathews are hissing and spitting.

It all started when Billy Eichner saw a CapitalOne commercial featuring Mathews interviewing people on the street in a very similar manner to the way Billy interviews people on the street, and Billy wasn’t having it; and, as children do, he took to Twitter to start a hissy fit:

“Hey @CapitalOne & @helloross - don't steal from my fucking show. This is stolen intellectual property. FUCK YOU. #GoodbyeRoss”

Followed by:

“Yet another Billy on the Street ripoff. I usually ignore but this one is SHAMELESS and PATHETIC. (And not funny).”

Then Mathews, being the bigger man—I kid, he’s a snippy queen, too—kept this mess alive in the Twit-o-sphere with:

“@billyeichner Are you serious? I've been doing man on the street interviews since 2001. I've never even seen your stuff. Bless your heart.”

All of which lead Billy to snipe:

“@helloross Perhaps u didn't but ur new friends @CapitalOne certainly did as they reached out to my agents about this campaign. HAPPY PRIDE.”

Then, as a dig, Mathews claimed he had never even seen Billy On The Street before:

“Just googled @billyeichner to watch some of his stuff for the first time. He's funny! Wish he was nice, too.”

Well, I guess Billy decided he was done because he tried to end it:

“Life is short and I will not be getting into a Twitter feud with ROSS THE INTERN of all people.”

And Mathews, who needs the publicity, replied:

“No feud. Just responding to you. I came before you. I agree you're funnier, but you're also a dick. , Mr. Mathews”

… and …

“@billyeichner Glad your hissy fit is over. We should be building each other up, not tearing one another down. All good."

Funny, though, that Billy’s hissy fit ended a few Tweets before Ross’, who also took the story to his ‘spot’ on Hollywood Today Live explaining to his co-hosts what had happened:

“On Friday, somebody tweeted me who claims I ripped him off. [Someone called] ‘Bully Eichner’ from the ‘Bully on the Street.’”

And when Billy still refused to respond, Ross added:

“You may do it better than me, but I did it before you.”

Um, yeah, he wasn’t first but he does do it best, and while Mathews went on … and on … and on … about how he’s “all about positivity” and doesn’t want any drama, he was the one keeping this story alive about three days after Twitter held a funeral for it because it was over.

Okurrrrrrrrrrrrr, Ross?

There have been rumors for years that Katie Holmes — post Cruise Escape — and Jamie Foxx were a couple, though the two have always denied it.

They were spotted dancing together in the Hamptons in the summer of 2013 and by October word on the street was that they were dating, but keeping it on the down-low because Jamie didn’t want to anger Cruise, his Collateral co-star.

That Jamie; a job is more important than a date. But since 2013 there have been Kamie, er Hoxx, er, Folmes, sightings and ALLEGED secret hotel hook-ups and :::gasp::: possible hand-holding! Then the two were both seen wearing rings on that finger on that hand and denied it meant anything except a beg for attention.

But now, in an effort to be relevant and insert herself in a  story that isn’t about her, Real Housewives of Atlanta star Claudia Jordan, and friend of Foxx’s, announced in a podcast that Jamie and Katie were together when she said:

“He is very happy with her, so I like that he seems very happy.”

But apparently Hoxx, er, Folmes, got to Jordan and so now she’s backtracking:

“I’ve never seen Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes together ever. I guess people are really wanting someone to confirm this and I’m sorry but it’s not coming from me. I don’t have the knowledge of this being a fact. I misspoke.”

Except you didn’t, Claudia; you said he was happy with her. That ain’t no misspeak.

I guess hell hath no fury like Jamie Foxx when someone mentions him doing, dating, Katie Holmes.

Maybe he’s afraid Tom Cruise will send him into space with Xenu?

It must hurt to be Vinyl­ — HBOs ode to the seventies music scene — because mere days after the pilot aired, HBO said they were renewing it.

Cut to the end of the season and HBO now says —

It’s not you, it’s us.

— that after careful consideration they have decided to skip it and see someone else.

Actress and Pitch Perfect 2 director Elizabeth Banks revealed that she was turned down for the role of Spider-Man’s girlfriend Mary-Jane Watson for the 2002 movie because she was deemed “too old” to be Tobey Maguire’s girlfriend.

At the time Banks was 28, and just sixteen months older than Maguire.

The role eventually went to Kirsten Dunst, who was 18 when filming began in 2001.

Only in Hollywood is twenty-eight too old.