Saturday, June 18, 2016

It's Snarkurday!

Just a bit of advice: don’t come for Adele unless she sends for you.

Recently, music producer Tom Visconti failed to heed that advice and began throwing shade … at Adele:
“You turn the radio on and it’s fluff, you are listening to 90% computerized voices. We know Adele has a great voice but it’s even questionable if that is actually her voice or how much has been manipulated. We don’t know. There’s a sound to pop now that is so perfect it’s boring, because everything is fixed.”
I, personally, was offended, because we’ve all heard Adele sing live many many times and we know she can sing.

So, the other night, in concert, singing live and un-manipulated, Adele took aim at Visconti:
“Some dickhead tried to say that my voice was not me on record… Dude, suck my d-ck.” 
I’m in love with Adele for not saying some politically correct BS and just laying into Visconti, who might have been better served going after manipulated singers like Katy Perry or Taylor Swift — remember her “live” performance at the Grammys a few years back when she sounded like a screeching cat in a bag?

Or better yet, Tom, take on Britney for over-manipulation …. Except that would be like shooting Fish Who Can’t Carry A Tune In A Barrel.

I haven’t talked about Johnny Depp and Amber heard lately, though Amber really seems to be going for the coins, because she’s suing a friend of Johnny’s for calling her a gold-digger. It doesn’t make things look any better when new rumors surface that that Amber gave two thumbs down to a two settlement offers from Johnny.

Note to Amber: if someone calls you a gold-digger don’t sue them for … gold; and don’t keep turning down cash because you think you can get more.

I also didn’t talk about the rumor that Amber was physically abusive to an ex-girlfriend—she was arrested in a Seattle airport for striking her ex-love … pre-Johnny—because it makes it sound like since Amber uses her hands in an argument it makes it okay for Johnny to use his when fighting, too; it doesn’t.

It’s being said that Amber was offered $50,000 a month in spousal support for eight months and turned that down; funny, because when Amber first asked for a temporary restraining order, she also asked for $50,000 a month in spousal support and the judge said “Oh hell no” to that.

Now, Johnny says he will only cough up the monthly fifty-thousand if Amber agrees to a mutual restraining order.

Aw, the couple that mutually restrains together ….

Sources say Amber will never agree to a mutual restraining order, because she’s the victim of abuse in the relationship, and now she wants a permanent restraining order against Johnny, because she feels like she needs to do that for other victims and wants to make an example out of Johnny … or wants to make him squirm so the number of monthly coins increases.

Kudos to Megan Fox, who, during a promo tour for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, roasted her co-star Will Arnett and his penchant for dating young, very young, women.

Fox said this about Arnett’s ‘girls’:
“They were progressively getting younger and younger as the weeks went on, and it got to the point where I was like, ‘Buddy, I’m worried. Should I talk to craft service and make sure they have Lunchables for your girlfriend?’ There’s no food here with cartoon characters on it.”
I also worry that, god forbid Arnett take one of these ‘girls’ to his dressing room and she tells him to hold on while she gets some Sweet tea and then Chris Hansen swoops in with the To Catch a Predator film crew.

Just sayin’.

Okay, everyone relax!! Taylor Swift is gonna be just fine after her breakup with Calvin Harris — who left because, ALLEGEDLY, the idea of a Flintstones-themed-pink-bubble-gum-Candyland wedding to TayTay was too much.

And she’s getting over from being under Calvin by remodeling her Manhattan apartment … to rid it of all things Calvin, working out … so she’ll be strong enough to beat the carp outta Calvin if he ever comes to  Hello Kitty convention when she’s there, and … wait for it … you knew it … writing a buttload of new songs.

Cue new Swifty-breakup album, ALLEGEDLY entitled ‘Something Came Between Me and My Calvin’ in five … four … three … two ….

So, former Married … with Children star, and current Modern Family patriarch, Ed O’Neill was recently recognized in the airport by a fan who came over to tell him:
“Oh, Mr. O’Neill, I love Modern Family, and you’re my favorite on the show.”
And she asked for a photo, and when Ed agreed she sat on the arm of his chair and she smiled broadly and he kinda grimaced and then said, Goodbye … to Miss Britney Jean Spears, bitches.

Yup, Ed had no idea it was the pop tart rubbing up against him on that airport chair. Perhaps she could’a wiped off the Cheetos dust from her chin and maybe busted out an a capella off-key Oops I Did It Again.

Nah, Ed still would’a thought she was some kinda crazy who bypassed airport security.

Earlier this week I wrote an open letter to actor Noah Galvin of TV’s The Real O’Neals who gave an interview to Vulture that turned all kinds of messy and name-calling and douchebag-gy — proving that The Gays are just like everyone else … some of us are dicks too.

I joked in my letter that ABC should fire Galvin, sending his character off on a years-long trip around the world while his gay cousin moves in with the family and the show goes on — shades of Cousin Oliver moving in with the Brady’s once Cindy grew up and because less precocious.

Lo and behold, that almost happened … sources say ABC was blindsided by Galvin’s interview, which was set up by Galvin’s personal publicist, Maria Candida, as part of an Emmy push for the actor, and so the network held back on the renewal button for the show, and was even thinking of asking for fewer episodes — less Galvin episodes?? — causing one show exec to “beg” ABC not to take action.

So, the show will be back, and Galvin, too, though I imagine a handler will be assigned to him to keep him from speaking off-script because this was not the first such incident involving his idiotic behavior.

Sources — and it might be the actor waiting for the call to play replacement character Gay Cousin Stevie — says Galvin has been warned multiple times about matters of “ego and entitlement.”

Like I said, European vacation and new gay character. That’ll work, I mean, remember when Richie and Joanie’s older brother just vanished form Happy Days never seen or heard from again. And he wasn’t acting like a douche either.

More evidence that The Gays are just like The Straights? Melissa Etheridge, who fought tooth and nail not to give her ex wife, Tammy Lynn Michaels, the mother of her now 9 year-old twins, any child support because she was never legally married to Tammy since same-sex marriage wasn’t legal until late in their relationship.

Well, that didn’t work, and Melissa, who has since re-married, to Linda Wallem, whom she was accused of cheating on Michaels with, paid through the nose — to the tune of 23K a month — in child support.

And now, though Melissa’s wealth is estimated at around $25 million, she is $10,000 behind on her child support payments and claims she doesn’t have any money though she and Linda live in a $5 million home to which they just added a home recording studio.

A friend says Melissa invested a lot of her money in things that didn’t turn a profit, and she just expects Tammy and their kids to be patient while she sorts it all out.

Um, yeah, it ain’t the kids or the ex’s fault you are bad at investments, honey. Imagine a straight guy saying that to his ex.

So, let’s go back to Taylor Swift — who is rumored to be hooking up with Tom Hiddleston, which makes me physically  sick —­ and the fight brewing between her and Big Ass, er, Kim Kardastrophe.

Swifty was supposedly pissed when Kanye West claimed she approved a lyric he wrote about her that says:
I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex, I made that bitch famous.”
Kanye says Taylor was not only okay with the line, but that she wrote it and laughed about it, but Swifty’s people claim she never did any of that and that’s where Kim waddles her ass into the room and calls out Swift’s lie. She says Kanye and Taylor had an hour long conversation on the phone about the lyric and that Kanye video records all his phone calls because … crazy:
“She totally approved that. She totally knew that that was coming out. She wanted to all of a sudden act like she didn’t. I swear, my husband gets so much shit for things [when] he really was doing proper protocol and even called to get it approved. What rapper would call a girl that he was rapping a line about to get approval?
A fame-whoring rapper married to the biggest fame-whore in the world and writing a lyric about another fame-whore, maybe? And it’s bound to get uglier, because that Cabbage Patch Kid known as Taylor Swift is throwing down at Kim, though her people:
“Taylor does not hold anything against Kim … as she recognizes the pressure Kim must be under and that she is only repeating what she has been told by Kanye West. However, that does not change the fact that much of what Kim is saying is incorrect. Kanye West and Taylor only spoke once on the phone … in January of 2016 … and they have never spoken since.”

It’s fun when fame-whores use each to boost their fame.


anne marie in philly said...

(sings) garbage, garbage, garbage all day long....

it's amazing how many morons take this shit seriously.

the dogs' mother said...

I can relate to Ed O'Neill - who are all these crazy people? :-)