It's Snarkurday!

Hugh Grant just can’t keep it in his pants; nor can he not help himself from slipping it into the nearest woman.

Hugh Grant became a father to three babies from three different women in fifteen months and now a fourth Grantling has appeared. Seriously?

Last October, 55-year-old Hugh knocked up 37-year-old Swedish TV producer Anna Eberstein; the couple already has a 3-year-old son named John. And though they never confirmed that Anna was pregnant with his second kid, she did give birth to a girl last Wednesday, right before her Mom spilled the beans about Baby Daddy Hugh.

And in what smells like a Brit version of Sister Wives, Anna, Hugh and his other baby mama Tinglan Hong — who squirted out two Hugh babies — all live in the same neighborhood.

Now, if the scenario continues to play out as it has — Hugh knocked up Tinglan first, then Anna, then Tinglan again and then Anna again — it looks like it’s Tinglan’s turn in the batter’s box.

Just sayin’.

So, apparently Khloe Kardastrophe has her own talk show — hopefully not like That Woman’s since hers tanked faster than Kimmie’s second marriage — called Kocktails With Khloe.

The theme is Khloe “in the kitchen cooking, drinking booze and gossiping” so it sounds just awful. And maybe it is because apparently no one … no one … wants to be on the show:

“The producers are having a hard time booking talent to be on the show because no one wants to be a guest star to Khloe.”

A guest star to Khloe? Gosh, that line alone is worth all the Christmas gifts under any tree.

Don’t f**k with Martha.

Apparently there was a spat between Cuntess, er, Countess, and reality show whore and horrible singer, LuAnn de Lesseps and Queen of All Things, Martha Stewart.

The two women were dinner guests of Mohammed Jaham Al Kuwari, the Qatari Ambassador to the United States, who invited de Lesseps to visit his country; she, on the look-out for a free trip anywhere, seemed interested.

When he said he knew that she was on a TV show and that he would love to be on it, Martha Stewart leaned in and whispered:

“You don’t want to do that. It’s lowbrow, very B-list.”

The countess — obviously feeling she was being Ramona’d by Stewart — said, loudly:

“Martha, I can hear you.”

Stewart ALLEGEDLY tried to backtrack, saying she was only joking when de Lesseps said:

“Should I tell him about your shady past?”

Oh no she bettah don’t!

The ambassador, a diplomat don’t you know, told the “Countess” he’d love to be on the show, and she squawked, in perfect auto-tone:

“Aha!”

No word on whether or not the “Countess” awoke to find a cream cheese horse’s head in her bed the next morning.

Again: don’t f**k with Martha.

So, maybe Aretha Franklin thinks when she goes to the theater all the other seats are filled by minions to do her bidding and they don’t matter.

Or, maybe she thought since she’s been dubbed the Queen of Soul, that she’d be treated to a private performance of The Color Purple on Broadway.

Either way, how do we explain that Aretha showed up late to the performance, came with a phalanx of bodyguards who sat all around her, and then took out her phone and took pictures of the performance while the peons in the audience watched her in horror?

Luckily, some of the little people revolted and, after telling a bodyguard to tell another bodyguard to tell another bodyguard to tell another bodyguard to ask Franklin to put down her phone, an usher arrived and she finally put it away.

Bitch is lucky Patti LuPone isn’t in The Color Purple because she’d have climbed down from the stage, crawled over the audience members, and ripped the phone and the weave off’a Franklin.

Just sayin’.

I guess Christmas at Madonna’s is not so much by invitation as by court order; at least for family.

Apparently Madge spent Wednesday in court asking a Manhattan Supreme Court judge to force her son, Rocco, to come home but let’s back up …

It all started in London when 15-year-old Rocco, refused to get on a New York bound plane with Mom. Rocco has spent the last few traveling with Madge on her world tour and wanted to stay in London and live with his dad, filmmaker Guy Ritchie.

Madge.Was.Not.Having.It. And she took the matter to court where the judge in the case issued an order for Rocco to return home to New York. But Ritchie's attorney argued that the teen doesn't want to and would not voluntarily come back to New York with Mama Madge.

The judge ALLEGEDLY advised Madonna to do something crazy and speak to Ritchie about the situation and try to resolve as parents, you know, without the court system. But that might not happen as the exes are set to appear in court again in a couple of weeks.

Reminds me of the time my dad sued me for not going to bed on time.