Saturday, December 19, 2015

It's Snarkurday!

I’ll keep this brief: Taylor Swift is an idiot.

Okay, maybe that was too brief, so I’ll elaborate … earlier this year Swifty Swift went on a trademarking rampage that had many people calling her an idiot.

She actually filed paperwork to trademark some of her song titles and lyrics, including ‘Welcome To New York’ … seriously Swifty? ‘Cause We Never Go Out of Style,’ ‘Party Like It’s 1989,’ ‘Swiftstakes,’ ‘Swiftmas,’ and … seriously … ‘1989.’

She.Wants.To.Trademark.A.Year. Now, it’s important to note that if the application goes through, the use of the term ‘1989’ won’t be trademarked in and of itself — only when it’s in reference to her album title, as in ‘Taylor Swift’s ‘1989’ sucks balls.’

And, also to be fair to Obnoxious Nazi Barbie — trademark pending by Camille Paglia — the frenzy was started to shut down folks making coins on illegal Swifty merch, but her lawyers are also sending cease-and-desist letters to fans who are selling Swifty-related stuff on Etsy. So that lonely girl in Akron who listens to Swifty’s songs in her room at night and cries, and then uses her tears to make watercolors of Swifty to sell on-line is in big trouble y’all.

But, this crazy bitch who thinks she spins golden words out of her yap also tried to trademark the phrases “this sick beat” and “nice to meet you; where you been” because, wait for it, she wrote them in a song.

I’m’a trademark ‘Buh-Bye Swifty … No One Cares’ and ‘Adele’s Here Now … You Can Go’.

So … Kourtney Kardastrophe and Scott Disick have been on-and-off for so many years, until Kourtney finally kicked him to the curb because he’s a drunken adulterer.

But, the duo have been spending time together lately, though it’s probably contractual for that “reality” show mess, but now it looks like Kourtney has moved on …

… to Justin Bieber. Yup, the same 21-year-old Little Willy that banged one, or maybe two, Kardastrophe sisters, is now ALLEGEDLY banging another, older, Kardastrophe, 36-year-old Kourtney.

How soon before he slips it to That Woman?

It’s Real Housewife drama-a-a-a-a-a.

Bethenny Frankel has made a not-so-small fortune on her Skinny Girl booze and snacks empire, so is rightly spitting nails now that the news that her Real Housewife of New York co-star, and social drinker, Sonja Morgan has revealed plans to launch a line of liquor called Tipsy Girl — with a moniker similar to the Skinny Girl cocktail line.

So, what does the Skinny Girl do? Frankel filed trademark paperwork — who does she think she is, Taylor Swift — to own the name Tipsygirl.

Indeed, Frankel’s company, SG Marks LLC, applied to trademark “Tipsygirl” as one word while Morgan’s partner, Peter Guimaraes, registered to trademark “Tipsy Girl” — two words — seven months earlier and has called Frankel’s sneaky move “underhanded.”

So, Frankel is said to be seeking the rights to trademark ‘Sonja Morgan’ and ‘underhanded.’

I kid, but Frankel’s SG Marks does own trademarks for ‘Home Porn,’ ‘Apartment Porn,’ ‘Shoe Porn,’ ‘Kitchen Porn’ and ‘Cocktail Porn’ — in case Morgan wants to go porn trademarking.

Remember when Christina Aguilera was arrested in LA back in 2011 on suspicion of being drunk in public, but wasn’t prosecuted? And then a few months later it was rumored that she got hammered at a party at Jeremy Renner’s house and did a Goldilocks, a drunken Goldilocks, in Renner’s bed?

Yeah, she’s at it again.

It appears she was so drunk at Seth MacFarlane’s annual over-the-top Christmas bash that, while being helped out of the party, she almost fell into the Christmas tree.

Sources — and it’s not Lohan, AKA Life on the F List — say that  MacFarlane had a 50-piece orchestra at his soiree and asked many of his celebrity pals to join him onstage to sing some Sinatra tunes; even special guest, Frank’s daughter Tina Sinatra, sang.

But while Meghan Trainor, Katharine McPhee and, yes, tis true, Bill Maher sang that night, Aguilera refused to step away from the open bar.

The source says: “Seth asked her five times to come up [and sing] and she refused. [And] the reason she didn’t get up is because she was wasted.”

Later on Aguilera’s boyfriend, Matt Rutler and one of her friends had to hold her on each arm and walk her out on her 6-inch custom Louboutins when she nearly became a Christmas ornament … albeit a 100-proof ornament.

Okay, Jennifer Lawrence, we get it. You’re a tough girl who loves farts and now, apparently, barfing.

On The Late Show with Stephen Colbert recently, JLaw talked about how she’s always barfing:
“I puked yesterday. I’m a puker. I’m a big-time puker. I don’t stop working, because I’m a show pony. I don’t have a choice. So I just keep going and eventually my body’s just like, ‘If we don’t make her barf or pass out, she won’t stop.’ I get like Lindsay Lohan grade exhaustion, but without any drugs or alcohol. I’m always in bed early and I’m still tired.”
And so … somewhere in England, a passed out Lindsey Lohan’s phone began vibrating with the Google alert that Jennifer Lawrence had said the name “Lindsay Lohan” on TV and … the Cracken awoke.

See, the two gals have a history that began when Lohan once ALLEGEDLY said in an ALLEGEDLY drunken interview that JLaw f*cks for roles — Lindsey’s people, AKA Dina Lohan denied that story. But Lohan has also slapped Lawrence on Twitter for making a really harmless joke about Meryl Streep at the Golden Globes.

So maybe Lawrence was smacking back at the has-been or, even more likely, JLaw doesn’t even remember that, once upon a time, long ago in a galaxy far far away, before jewel theft, DUIs, club brawls and seven stints in rehab, Lindsey Lohan was the It girl … and then JLaw happened and it was … Lindsey who?

New York “rapper” and basic badly behaving asshat Azealia Banks is at it again.

She was arrested outside Up & Down, a club in the Meatpacking district of NYC, after she ALLEGEDLY went berserk and attacked a female security guard by punching her and “biting her in the boob.”

Banks was at the club for a private party when she got into a dispute with bouncers and was kicked out just after midnight for the Breast Assault, and for being Azealia Banks, a talentless hack with a bad attitude.

This latest arrest comes on the heels of after Banks almost being arrested for causing a ruckus on a flight from New York to LA; and she was also investigated after ALLEGEDLY assaulting a security guard at a club in LA.

So, yeah, that Azealia Banks’ career … assaults and outbursts; it doesn’t pay much but it keeps you in the news.


Blobby said...

I think you mean Taylor Swifts "1989"™

Bob Slatten said...

Let me call my lawyer. I smell a cease-and-desist coming on ......

the dogs' mother said...

oh noes! I don't know how to make the tm symbol.
How will I tell people that Youngest was born in that year?!

mistress maddie said...

Oh Taylor.....SNAP OUT OF IT! Meanwhile, the Kardastrophe house must be a breeding ground for STD'S and things that jump. I heard the parties there now require guest to wear protective attire.

Toni said...

The little guys up in the Mother Ship are going to love this one. I've heard they love Mistress Maddie more than The View, The Talk and Wendy!

Bob Slatten said...

ALT 0153 ™ ™ ™

the dogs' mother said...

(<-- the date noted here is trademarked
to some cele-twit see Bob for more detais)
I will ask Youngest when he gets here ;-)

Bob Slatten said...

Mine is simple ™ ™ ™
Yours looks like some Stars Wars language!

the dogs' mother said...

better get Youngest home soon!
if she succeeds in tm-ing the
year he may cease to exist!

Mitchell is Moving said...

I really DO hate to use this, but OMFG! I don't know what else to say and I don't want to be rude and come right out with OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! (I sure hope Taylor Swift doesn't have THAT copyright.)