It's Snarkurday!

Poor Chrissy Brown just can’t catch a break. He was set to appear on The Daily Show this week but, wait … what … is that Nick Cannon being interviewed by Trevor Noah instead? Yup, and all because a band of staffers for the show shrieked in unison, “Oh. Hell. No.” to a Brown guest spot.

When the staff at TDS demanded a Brown-free show, host Trevor Noah suggested that they use Chris’ spot to talk about domestic abuse but the staff wasn’t having it. And producers won’t confirmed that Brownie was bumped, but are simply sayin g they hope to “reschedule” him in the future.

And that snub comes on the heels of Chrissy’s Down under Tour, in both Australia and New Zealand, being cancelled because those countries don’t like abusers in their midst.

See, back in September, immigration officials in Australia let Chrissy know that the only way he was getting into their country would be if Johnny Depp and Amber Heard put him in a Yorkie costume and smuggled him in because Australia was going to deny him a visa based on what his violent past. Chrissy’s team of lawyers — on duty 24/7 — tried to get Aussie officials to change their minds, but that wasn’t happening so Chris cancelled the tours in both Australia and New Zealand.

So, here’s where we stand: Chrissy can’t go to Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Great Britain or The Daily Show because he’s an abuser.

Looks like he’s still our problem.

Every year we hear the tales of how infrequently Tom Cruise ALLEGEDLY — I don't wanna get sued — sees, or speaks to, his daughter Suri. But still, it seems clear that ever since Katie Holmes ALLEGEDLY tied the sheets together, swaddled Suri in a Scientology bathmat and climbed out the window at Chez Cruise and fled for New York and a divorce attorney, we have heard that Tom has barely spent any time with his youngest child.

Now, the man works a lot — Scientology is ALLEGEDLY expensive … ask Leah — and maybe Katie and Tom have a very clear-cut visitation rule, but still … Tom hasn’t seen Suri in eight hundred days. And, sure, maybe he does see her and maybe it's just behind closed doors ALLEGEDLY with a team of mediation lawyers in the room, and we don’t see it, but does that sound like the Tom Cruise who used to splash his ALLEGED love for Katie, and then their baby, all over the newspapers from the day this whole ALLEGED mess was arranged by a litigation team? I mean, Tom used to trot out Suri at the drop of a hat and now … eight hundred days.

Just sayin’. Oh, and … ALLEGEDLY.

The last time we talked 50 Cent it was about how maybe, or maybe not, he’s just a big old queen. And before that we talked about 50 Cent and that judgment against him for $7 million to the woman whose sex tape he posted online without her consent. 

And we heard his lawyers say that poor Fiddy was barely worth his name and had no money to pay. But, lord, that man is dumb, or something, because he recently posted an Instagram photo, and a video, of the inside of his fridge filled with stacks of money.

Yeah, nothing says “I cannot afford that seven mil” like an icebox full of cash. 

I’m waiting for his lawyers to pounce, saying it wasn’t his money … hell, it wasn’t even his refrigerator.

Taylor Swift likes to play herself off as the most wholesome of creatures; like she stepped right out of a Disney cartoon, with tiny little bluebirds carrying her coat for her and raccoons driving her limo. But … that might not be true.

According to BBC News, a bunch of endangered birds in New Zealand almost found themselves homeless this week after Swifty banished them from the set of her latest music video on the beach where they nest.

New Zealand conservationists are claiming that the beach belongs to the New Zealand dottorel and that the birds were at risk of losing their home when the crew responsible for working on Swifty’s new video, Cherokee Films, drove too many trucks onto the sand.

Now, Cherokee Films has since released a statement saying that Swifty and her team of cartoon lawyers aren’t at fault for this mess, and had no involvement in planning where on the beach the video would be shot; and they also claim they didn’t hurt any birdies or violate any permits.

Still, I wouldn’t be surprised to soon be seeing paparazzi shots of Taylor covered in cartoon bird sh*t.

Usually when we heard of Hollywood feuds it’s between a couple of D-list actresses. Not so this time, when the spat is between A-lister Channing Tatum and Z-lister Alex Pettyfer.

Pettyfer has a reputation in Hollywood of being a douchebag-psycho- diva-bad-boy and it was no secret that  Pettyfer and Channing Tatum had some major spats with each other during the filming of Magic Mike … which may explain Pettyfer’s absence from the sequel.

But now Pettyfer is trying to set the record straight about the tiffs … by admitting to them, and saying Channing was mean to him because Pettyfer is so sensitive … for a guy who ALLEGEDLY has the phrase ‘You Are Here’ tattooed about his boy bits.

When asked if the two butted heads on set of the 2012 flick he said yes … “Because Channing Tatum does not like me — and for many reasons … I was scared to speak. I actually did my work and I sat in the corner and listened to music because I had been told anything I did was wrong by my reps. I was very insecure as a human being. That also gave me a bad rep because everyone was like, ‘Alex doesn’t speak because he thinks he’s better than everyone else.’ That’s not true. I was just generally nervous and scared to be myself. I was in character.”

Wait. So he was quiet on the set, doing his job, working on his, ahem, craft, and made Channing hate him? Try harder.

Well, things got worse when Pettyfer, who was renting a home from one of Tatum’s friends during filming, skipped out without paying the bills; according to Pettyfer, he “couldn’t breathe” in the apartment because of mold and dust so he left and, um, “forgot” to pay rent due because his cousin had died … or the dog ate his lease … or something.

“All of a sudden, I got a very negative email from Channing saying, ‘Don’t f**k my friends. You owe money. Pay the f**king money. Don’t be a clown.’ And I really took that the wrong way, which I shouldn’t have, and emailed him back and said, ‘I’m in a real negative headspace and can you respect me for a moment and blah, blah, blah.’ And I got hounded through this time of grieving for money. By the end of it. I just said, ‘F—k them, what is money when life is so much more. I’m not paying.’ And I should have just paid. I think he was looking for an excuse to not like me.”

Okay, so what have we learned: men catfight as much as women and Alex Pettyfer is a douche.

Class dismissed.

So, yesterday we learned that Holland Taylor is a card-carrying lesbian and has  never officially “come out” because she’s pretty much always been out and hasn’t been hiding … except no one outside of her circle of friends and family knew it, but I digress.

Holland admitted that she’s currently in a serious relationship and her girlfriend brought up the idea of them getting married but Holland will not be divulging the name of said girlfriend because there’s a huge age difference between them… so I will.

ALLEGEDLY.

As a lot of sites have been saying, Holland’s much younger girlfriend is American Horror Story ­actress, and thirty-two years younger, Sarah Paulson. Sarah and Holland have been spotted out and about together during the past few months and, well, Sarah’s and Holland’s Twitter feeds are basically the two of them reTweeting what the other has already Tweeted.

It’s cute, no?