Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Bankruptcy Attorney Offers To Help Bigot Mechanic ... and It's Highlarious

So, after Brian Klawiter [left] came out and said he would never ever service the car of a gay person at his auto repair shop, Dieseltec, in Grand Rapids, Michigan, a local  bankruptcy attorney, Jeffrey Mapes [right], decided to offer his assistance for when Klawiter goes belly up because of his hate:
Dear Dieseltec:
Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Jeffrey Mapes, and I specialize in bankruptcy law — helping individuals and corporations when things go wrong. I noticed your post on Facebook where you decided to alienate most of the general public by stating that you will refuse service to openly homosexual people. This is certainly an unorthodox business strategy, and perhaps it will work for you, but I get the feeling you will need a bankruptcy attorney pretty soon and I wanted to offer my services. Like you, I am white, male, Christian, a business owner, and a gun owner. Unlike you, I provide services to everyone regardless of their sexual orientation because it doesn’t matter to me — I hope this won’t be a deal breaker for you.
If that upsets you, let me tell you a little bit more about our office to try and persuade you, The first thing you will notice is how friendly and compassionate the office staff is. Despite your inane, incoherent and just plain dumb comments, we know that everyone makes mistakes and we want to help you overcome them. They will also be more than willing to help you with some basic grammar that you seem to struggle with.
If you still need more convincing, let me assure you that we will make certain that your bankruptcy petition is filed correctly and there are no errors. You stated in your post that you would incorrectly assemble a vehicle in order to prove a point. I want to let you know that despite the fact that I would love to prove a point to you about tolerance, I won’t compromise my standards of quality to do so. After all, I have to look in the mirror at the end of the day and if I didn’t do my best for everyone, I would have trouble sleeping. Perhaps you could give me pointers on how you sleep at night?
Just a few other housekeeping items. While I certainly don’t encourage people to bring guns into my office, so long as you have the proper permit and handle it responsibly, you can bring your gun along. I would only ask that you refrain from menacingly stroking your weapon while you quietly sing David Allen Coe songs to yourself. I also think you have a deep and fundamental misunderstanding of the first amendment and how it works, but that is a long discussion and we should save that for when we meet in person.
Well Dieseltec, I hope I’ve convinced you that Mapes Law Offices is the right place for you to file your bankruptcy. I would like to leave you with some words of inspiration from the dramatic film Billy Madison and I hope that you will take them to heart:
“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Sincerely,
Jeffrey D. Mapes
Loving it!

7 comments:

Raybeard said...

Hah! Take that, B.K.!, you hopelessly deluded (and yet strangely attractive) man.

the dogs' mother said...

I didn't catch this part of the rant - " You stated in your post that you would incorrectly assemble a vehicle in order to prove a point. "

So a car that is not working properly could lead to an accident and to death - so Mr. Mapes should add manslaughter to his list of services.

Bob Slatten said...

@TDM
Klawiter said in his rant that if you disagreed with him, he might put your car back together with the bolts but no nuts, so, yeah, it was a threat of bodily harm.

Susan said...

What a perfect response; it's brilliant! So happy to have the opposite emotion from reading the original story last week. :)

Sadie J said...

And apparently all you have to do to get your car put back together nutless is to disagree with him, regardless of your orientation--or at least that's my take on it. I feel bad for the people that work for him (unless they agree with him) because it's not their fault that he's a douche, but I'm chuckling, anyway!

Biki Honko said...

Great smack down! Thanks for posting that!

Robert said...

In a world where it is so hard to keep a business year after year, not only did that comment isolate him from ever getting a gay client, he just annoyed people who support gay rights too. The list of people that may patronize this mechanic will be few and far between because no one wants to be associated with that hate. A bankruptcy might very well be in his future.