PR 10 EP 13: Um, Where's Your WOW?

Well, well, well, if it isn’t The Final Four. I thought I smelled gin-and-regret.

Before I begin, let me say this: no one’s going home. I knew that at the end of last week, even though Heidi said only three would show. I mean, the PR has had Final Fours before, and when they don’t they either pick the three best right away, or they have a design-off for the third slot, a la Rami and Chris March. So, I knew there would be three and I was fine with that, but not with the toying of the show. Just say Three and let it be.

First, a note: I decided to ponder my original assessments of the Final Fab Fierce Not-So-Much Four and see how I felt about them at the beginning and if that still holds true, and now, let’s rip……

Christopher Palu:

My first thoughts from EP 1: “He obviously didn’t get the Memo from Homo HQ that scarves and skinny jeans were OVER. Because they are.”

Yup, still true, although this week’s scarf was an actual textile he created using his mother’s X-ray; and that is not a misprint. He used an X-ray to create a fabric. Now, it didn’t look half-bad but still….what’s next? CT scan Couture? EKG Sportswear?

And then, in my blog from EP 1, I said….sigh…..again: “Seriously, Christopher. Scarves. Are.Over. Especially a scarf as big as the curtain at Radio City. Especially a scarf as big as the curtain at Radio City being worn in a workroom or anywhere near a sewing machine. I see death by surger in Christopher's future if he doesn't lose the scarves.”

And now, on with the show:

Tim visits Christopher at his parent’s home in Massapequa, where Christopher’s “workroom” is in the basement family room. He tells Tim that his inspiration is an X-ray of his mother’s back taken after reconstruction surgery, and he used it because, ahem, "I wanted something haunting and alluring at the same time.”

Haunting I get, because I’d like a pair of pants done in Blood Panel denim, please, but the alluring part kinda mystifies me. But I think Christopher feels that if he keeps saying “haunting and alluring” it will sell his idea, because that’s the spin he gave the judges, too. And he also poured bleach on leather—he says to see what it would do, but I think he had a fight with his boyfriend, and bleached his biker jacket and liked the idea so much he incorporated it into fashion. X-rays and bleached leather. Sounds edgy, no? No. It was Ladies Who Lunch…After Surgery.

Anyway, after showing Tim the X-ray fabric—which I will admit is pretty but don’t tell me it’s an X-ray—Tim and Christopher head upstairs for a Calorie Explosion and a family chat. We learn that Christopher has been a scarf-wearing, swirling and twirling diva gay boy since bursting from the womb singing “I Am What I Am.” Quelle surprise.

Another surprise were the three looks he sent down the runway. I mean, he showed Tim an amazing coat on the home visit, and there was a fabulous looking gown on the mannequin, but he opts to send down a booty-short-wearing-leather-vested-T-shirt, a pair of leather shorts and X-ray blouse, and an X-ray skirt with a leather bustier.

Sensing a theme? Is it sad? Because that’s what I got. No Wow! Christopher suffered the same delusional as the other designers, in that they didn’t want to give away their whole “show” so they didn’t send down anything exciting.

The result—for Christopher—was a Case Of The Blahs. The first look was, well, I turned to Carlos and said, “That’s just stupid.” I think I have that outfit in my closet from the 90s so what the hell was it doing on the PR? Nina, naturally, put it best, when she said, "Where are the clothes?" Ouch.

He blames his poor choices on “fit issues” but, um, isn’t that to be expected when you create an outfit and don’t have a model in mind? Wouldn’t you allow for alterations? I think Christopher thought he could get by on X-rays and Bleached Leather and Big Scarves. Well, honey, you can’t.

Heidi thinks the print is creepy—and it is if you know what it is, but not if you don’t. But she gets no Wow either.

Dmitry Sholokhov:

My first thoughts from EP 1: “By age 12, judging from his own personal style, he was in the KGB and marching in Red Square. And waterboarding Kmart shoppers …. He’s gonna be the Class Bitch. And anyone named Dmitry, who is the Class Bitch, will be worth watching. Unless you want to be sent to Siberia.”

Turns out Elena, the other Russian, was Class Bitch, so I kissed it by thatmuch. Just sayin'.

Tim takes a trip across the Hudson to Jersey City where we find Dmitry, homeless and house-sitting, and unemployed; since he had to quit his job, he couldn’t renew his lease. Who knew the PR was such a hardship?

Dmitry’s inspiration is "organic architecture” which I don’t get. Is it plant-based a la Ven Origami Rose, or is it structure and buildings. I’m thinking, as he shows his work to Tim, it’s the latter. I see architecture, I don’t see organic.

But it’s typical Dmitry. 

Almost completely finished and sewn to within an edge of its life. The only thing Tim is worried about, before he and Dmitry retire to the veranda for tea and cookies—is the lone color, a kind of pale lime-greenish-yellow. Otherwise he lauds Dmitry for his newness and freshness.

But Dmitry took new and fresh and then added detail and detail and bad styling—styling was a problem for all three—and it came off kinda gaudy. The white dress, with the cutouts was simple and pretty, but, unlike Dmitry’s other dresses, which fit tighter than an OJ Simpson bloody glove at trial, it seemed kinda baggy. The sheer blouse and bra screamed Help! I’ve traveled here from 1980! While the pants definitely fit the architectural vibe. His jacket, with the fringe on sleeves, was fun, but got lost when worn over another sheer top’n’bra and some leathery looking skirt.

It all looked like some kind of Russian version of what an American woman from 1986 would wear. And the judges apparently agreed with me, begging him to fix his styling before The tents to make his collection seem younger …. And from this century.

Nina called his collection “polished and expensive” but blasted the overdone styling. Kors love the fringiness of the jacket, but not when paired with the rest of the outfit, and, also, thought Dmitry needed a stylist makeover.

Fabio Costa: 

My first thoughts from EP 1: "His unique sense of style is tying Kitchen Rags into knots around his waist …. I don't see the tents in Fabio's future. Unless he takes a tent and ties it in a knot around his waist.”

Boy was I wr-; um, I was wr-. I was …. I didn’t see this coming back in EP 1 but Fabio has grown on me, partially because he seems really nice, and partially because his clothes are way outside the box, behind a dumpster, filled with moldy lettuce, that he’ll use to make a salad and a headpiece.

Also from my PR archival blog reportage: “Fabio is odd, and quirky, and I won’t share a meal with him, but I think he has something.”

Tim visits Fabio in the father of a friend’s apartment and it is all kinds of fabulous. For a brief minute, I thought dumpster diving really paid off because you could afford an amazing NYC apartment, but then I realized it was a loaner.

Fabio calls his collection “Cosmic Tribalism” and he is the only one using color. Now, its pastels, which I didn’t expect, but at least it isn’t leather, and black, or white. Fabio brought the difference, and we needed difference.

Tim isn’t fond of the pants Fabio has created but Fabio likes things that don’t look like they belong together—just look back through the season at what he’s worn—and will not remake them out of organza as Tim suggested. Nor will he get rid of the clunky shoes—though he did dye them a softer color before the runway; and then he added different color laces. I.Adore.Fabio.

His look is futuristic and ethnic, which, come to think of it, is cosmic and tribal, so Fabio had a vision and followed it. And worked it, too; he sprayed watercolors on his fabric to achieve a kind of dreamy, lightness. The first look, the long vest was a hit. I didn’t like the bra top underneath, but I did like the pants looking a bit harder than the vest. His second look was more urban and a bit safer. That’s not a bad thing; it was wearable to the office, really. The third look, a kind of off-shoulder, off-kilter caftan was pure Fabio.

I loved his looks, though I got what Nina said about it not looking expensive. Fabio needs to separate all his clothes and re-imagine them in different combinations in order to make it work. Make it work. Hee hee.

The only problem? Those ridiculous wigs. I mean, if your first thought is to critique the wigs, then you need a new stylist. As Tim said, people will either love this collection or hate it, but I loved it. Kors thought it was cool and different, though he was the first—well, second, after me—to ask Fabio to rethink the wigs, though he loved the “demented” shoes! Heidi was impressed, and Nina felt it needed tweaking to make it more polished.

Melissa Fleis:

My first thoughts from EP 1: "She wanted to be Barbie when she grew up. Only, New York Barbie, dressed entirely in black …. Asymmetrical black, at that …. I picked her as this year's Barbie Designer, but then she showed up in the Black, and tells us she loves the black, the black-and-white movies and the black-and-white art and how she only dates black or white men. Plus, her clothes are cool Goth, not broke Goth.”

Melissa is the only designer who has a home to call her own, out in my favorite city in the world, San Francisco. Back at home, though, Melissa has gone back to her roots. Not in her hair, mind you, but in her color palette. After the last few weeks of doing color and patterned fabrics, she has once again embraced the Black-and-White—though she mentions on the runway that she does have one red dress that we won’t see until next week.

And Melissa, like Christopher, and Dmitry, is also using leather, and like Christopher, she beat the crap out of it. She has done some sort of crackle-painted technique on cowhide which says to me, “Dammit! I spilled paint on very expensive leather and since I don’t have any more I’ll just have to use it!”

Tim, however, is impressed. He tells her that she has her confidence back, but then she apparently lost it on the flight back to La Grande Apple, because as soon as she hits the workroom and sees the other designers work, she is a puddle of self-doubt.

And, if I’m being honest—and why wouldn’t I? these designers don’t know where I live—Melissa has always been a kind of “one trick monkey” [Thanks Dmitry] all season. Big colors. Stiff necklines. Leather. But, again, being honest, that’s her aesthetic.

Her first look was a pair of perforated white leather shorts—Seriously? More shorts?—which I liked, though not with the top that seemed to be worn backwards to me. Less belly, was my first thought. The second look is all about the coat—though it has pirate cuffs—as Nina nicely pointed out, shouting “Just cut them off!” I did like the take on the MC Hammer pant—Google that one, younguns—but it was just …. Just. The third look was a leather dress, but, again, we’ve seen it before, from Melissa. She, like all the others, provided no Wow. They just provided Here’s what I did. Can I go to the tents now?

But Melissa also did the Styling Misfire with a trio of god-awful, ill-fitting, seemed-to-be-falling-off, wigs. Kors called them dreadful, and I’m sure that was after they edited out his, Holy mother of god, what in the $%#@ety %^$# &^%$ were youy ^&%^$ing thinking? Comment.

Heidi says there wasn't a doubt in her mind who designed these looks, which either means Melissa has a POV or she’s done them all before. Melissa says she was saving her Wow for the tents and Kors said What if you don’t get to the tents? And, by this time, we all knew they were all going, so save that bit of non-drama. Nina asks, Is it ALL :::gasp::: Black-and-White?

Rule #1 of The PR: Don’t.Bore.Nina.

MY TAKE

This episode was decided from the beginning. I knew all four would make it and all four did. Though, really, with the exception of Fabio whose work really stood out from the others in style—not styling—and color, any of them could have, should have, been Auf’d.

How do they not realize that they needed to Wow the judges? I mean, send down a safe piece, or even two, but when you send down three looks that are hum, and drum, how do you expect to make it to the Tents?

Hopefully, these looks are the Blahs of the collection and next week the Wow will appear, because, other than that, I am less than impressed.

Though, what Fabio wore on the runway, minus the Katherine Hepburn “Working In The Garden” hat, was something I want in my own wardrobe. If only just to scare the old ladies at the Piggly Wiggly.

What did YOU think?