I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Remember it was just a few weeks back, after her cracktastic appearance on “Dr.” Phil when Dina Lohan said she does not go to clubs with Lindsay?

Yeah…turns out that the Blohans went out clubbing over the weekend, and got into a tiff, which escalated when they got home and the police were called. I swear, anyone who is close to the Blowhards, er, Blohans needs to have 911 on speed dial.

Lindsay and Dina, after a night of drunken partying, left Electric Room, an NYC club, at around 4 AM, headed back to Dina’s home in Long Island. They started arguing in the car, and when they got back to Dina’s the fight turned physical, with Lindsay sustaining a cut on her leg. And there was some property damage as well; it seems one of Lindsay’s bracelets—could that mean handcuffs?—was broken in the melee.

A phone call to 911 was placed at around 6 AM, reporting a case of domestic abuse, and the caller also said that Lindsay was being held against her will by Dina and the driver.

Police took a Domestic Incident Report but no arrests were made.

Wow. Those Blohans. If they aren’t running over people in alleys or appearing drunk and drug-addled on cheesy talk shows, they’re beating the crap out of each other.

UPDATE:

Post-fight posing

After their big blow-up and fight, where Lindsay was mauled, gashed, or scratched by Dina, and her “diamond” bracelet was broken, the Blohans spent all of Wednesday morning together in Long Island.

Hey. The family that fights together…..I don’t know how to end that, but….

I do know that while the fighting was going on Lindsay called her father, jailbird Michael Lohan, in an hysterical plea for help, or maybe just to add some more crack to the drama.

In the audio—available at TMZ and, I’m betting, on NetFlix—Lindsay claims Dina is “on cocaine…She’s like touching her neck, and s—t.” And then she goes on to say that she had given her mother $40,000 to save her house from foreclosure —let’s stop for a minute. Where did Lindsay get 40K? I mean, she can’t pay a freakin’ hotel bill, but she carries $40,000 around in her pocketbook to give to her mama. Man, high class call girls get paid bank.

Anyway, Lindsay needs the money back—let’s stop there. She needs it? What? For her dealer? For bail? But Lindsay soon forgets about the money and says, “She’s saying disgusting things to me … I’m dead to her now….This is what you do. You ruin people. She’s like the f–king devil right now. I have a gash on my leg from what happened.”

So, what do we know about the Blohans that we didn’t already know?

They’re a cracked out mess of a family. No. We knew that.

Lindsay has a drug and alcohol problem—she sounds drunk and high on the tape. Nope. Knew that.

Dina’s a liar who lives off her drug-addicted daughter. No, again. Knew that.

Michael Lohan is a sleazeball who will record his own daughter in some kind of drunken distress and then give/sell the recording to TNMZ to make a buck. Yeah, we knew that already, too.

Oh Kristen Stewart.

You schtupped your director and your boyfriend dumped you and then the parade of excuses began. But this latest one—coming on the heels of the news that Stewart and Robert Pattinson have reunited—is the best ever.

In an interview with Marie Claire, Stewart has some unkind things to say about herself:

 “I’m a miserable c***! I’m not sure if I’m most happy when I’m comfortable and content or when I’m pushing myself to the limits. There are such different versions of happy. And I really appreciate both.”

Happy with my boyfriend.

Happy banging my married director.

Now, if we could just get her to admit that as an actress she has one emotion: sullen.

The Story That Would Not Die….because if it did we’d all go back to not giving a rat’s ass about American Idol.

The epic Nicki Minaj Mariah Carey catfight rages on, though sources—and you know it’s Ryan Seacrest because that girl loves to gossip—says a tentative truce has been reached, a la North and South Vietnam.

And now, Grandma Barbara Walters is walking into the fray.

Walters said on “The View” that Carey shared the new details about the feud and it ALALGEDLY involves a death threat: “[Mariah] said that when Nicki walked off the set, multiple people heard Nicki say, ‘If I had a gun I would shoot the bitch.’”

Walters said Carey told her that several “Idol” staffers, including hairdressers and producers, heard it, too.

“She said she’s very concerned,” Walters continued. “She is with her twins. She doesn’t feel that anything would happen, but Nicki is unpredictable, and Mariah says she can’t take a chance and she has hired extra security.”

Idol producers denied that there had been a death threat.

Nicki’s peeps didn’t respond, so Nicki took to Twitter, suggesting Walters is no impartial referee in the Battle of the Pop Divas. “Barbara walters didn’t reach out from our team,” Minaj tweeted. “I guess we’re too dangerous.”

And she goes on: “I don’t call tmz n Barbara Walters cuz I stand on my own two feet. Never needed an army. God is good. Insecurity is as cruel as the grave.”

And on: “I guess it hurts 2 have the producers tell u to ur face that nicki is the best judge we’ve had since simon. Awww, poor u. Keep them lies cmn.”

So, it’s official. After years on not really producing an American idol, the show is clearly only about the drama and the catfights. In fact, I’d bet they won’t have a single contestant on next year; they’ll just put Nicki and Mariah in a room and let ‘em bitch at one another.

American Idol. Pffffft.

Kate Hudson is trying to change up her career. Which is good because when you hear about Kate Hudson’s career, the response is usually, “What career??” And she is channeling her inner Gwyneth Paltrow to do it.

Kate has taken a six-episode, guest-starring part on Glee, singing, dancing and acting like a maniacal bitch—so, she is playing Paltrow, too?...I digress—but ALLEGEDLY Kate was so upset about how, um, “rough” she looked onscreen that she went all-Paltrow and demanded a better makeup person:

An insider—and you know it’s Glee diva Lea Michele—says, “Kate thought she had what she called ‘Hollywood face’. She complained that her makeup was over the top, and she looked more like a wax statue than a person!”

Kate Hudson? Wax statue? Gwyneth Paltrow? How would we know the difference?

You don’t hear much about Richard Gere these days. Oh, he still makes movies and stuff, but he’s kinda low profile. The last bit of gossip about him was that whole ugly marriage to Cindy Cardboard Crawford, and before that it was The Tale, er, Tail of the Gerbil.

Gere lays low in Hollywood these days, but ALLEGEDLY he loves the ladies—even though he’s married to Carey Lowell, and has children—and comes on to women, even in front of their husbands.

It seems that Richard Gere was told off by a diner at Nick & Toni’s in East Hampton when he started schmoozing the guy’s wife. When the husband had enough, he told Gere: “Get the %#@$ out of here,” but Gere kept talking to the woman.

An eyewitness—and it might have been Lohan before mama Dina beat her up—says, “He kept staring at this woman, to the point where her husband seemed agitated by it. He approached [their] table. He didn’t acknowledge anyone around her. He was leaning in and trying to talk to her, leaning into her ear.”

That’s when her husband told him to beat feet, but Gere didn’t get the message.

“He didn’t leave. He just tilted his head to lean in. He bent back down to her. He didn’t give a [bleep]. It was a bad situation.”

Finally Gere left—leaving the rest of his group to stay there another hour—and he was followed out by the woman’s husband, I guess to make sure he actually went home.

His representative is spinning it like this: “Reality is, he was at a table with his agents and their wives. On his way out, he stopped to say hi to the people at that table, and joked with the people briefly before leaving.”

Joked? Came on to? I guess Gere doesn’t know the difference, and any pretty woman is his pretty woman.

Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden have got to be the creepiest couple out there—and I’m including Teresa Giudice and her husband Joe.

The third season of Couples Therapy premiered last week, and the, um, “star’ couple this go-round is fifty-two-year-old actor, Doug Hutchison, and his eighteen-year-old wife of two years, Courtney “These are my real boobs” Stodden.

The other ‘stars’ are Nik Richie of The Dirty…who?...and his wife Shayne Lamas, Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen, recently fired from The Real Housewives of New York and desperately clinging to their Fifteen Minutes, and singer Joel ‘JoJo’ and Tashaunda Hailey.

Well, apparently JoJo called out Doug Hutchison for marrying such a young girl, and asks, “Do you have any kids.”

Doug says, in all seriousness, “This is my child. I’m raising my wife.”

Ick. Excuse me while I run out for a Silkwood scrubdown.

Now, maybe Hutchison was just trying to make an ill-advised joke, but this has all sorts of skeevy on it.

But one person on their side is show host, “Dr.” Jenn Berman, who says, “This is not a fake relationship. After spending three weeks with them, I think the biggest myth is that this is a publicity stunt, and it is not.”

I don’t think anyone thinks it’s fake, but most folks, dare I say all folks, except Stodden, Hutchison, and her parents, who gave their blessing when the 16-year-old married a man three times her age, think it’s sick.

Raising his wife?