Saturday, April 28, 2012

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....


Remember when Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez were soooo in love? Yeah, it was just about long enough to make a couple of babies and then it was over.
Rumors swirled that JLo was banging her music video co-star William Levy, while rumors swirled that Marc was banging his HawthoRNe costar Jada Pinkett-Smith, while rumors swirled that Will Smith was banging a couple of dudes....
But I digress. Marc and JLo.
Marc Anthony has finally filed for divorce from Idol judge and cradle-robber Jennifer Lopez. And now he's making like JLo was the big cheater all along. But not with Levy. Nope, Marc is making sounds like JLo was banging her first ex-husband Ojani Noa, and Marc's lawyers want to talk to him.
Anthony’s attorney is reaching out to Ojani Noa as there is speculation that she was spending time with him while married to Anthony.
A source--and, by source, it's gotta be Miss Ryan Seacrest--says, “Marc Anthony’s lawyers are following up with allegations that Jennifer was seeing Ojani while married to Marc, before and after the twins were born. Jennifer allegedly would go to Ojani’s Hancock Park house and spend time with him, without Marc’s knowledge.”
And, if that wasn't enough, Marc Anthony is also looking for financial records of Jennifer Lopez’s because he, and his attorney, believe that she has hidden her money in offshore accounts shortly before the two separated.
I'm not sure about this. JLo cheating? JLo so greedy that she would hide money? I just can't....oh, who am I kidding. This is Typical JLo style. Screw everyone and then act all sweetness and light.
And Ojani Noa may have something to say about that. See, Noa is ALLEGEDLY jobless, and unable to find any work because of Jennifer Lopez: “her lawyers have threatened to sue anyone who has hired or wants to hire Ojani, claiming that any public mention of Ojani being married to her in any form of publicity is a violation of their marital settlement agreement.”
Ouch. So, maybe Noa and Anthony will team up in the Battle JLo.

After her, okay, I'll say it, ALLEGED assault on a woman at The Standard Hotel  a few weeks back, Lindsay Lohan is once again playing the victim. She was attacked, dammit, because nothing she does, or nothing that ever happens to her, is her fault. It's a conspiracy.
Nope, it sounds better when you say it like Daffy Duck: "It'th a conthpirathy."
Some reports claimed that Lindsay Lohan was the victim in another Standard bar brawl that left her soaked in someone else’s cocktail. Unfortunately for the wacktress, it doesn't seem like her version of victimization is true because the only person backing up her story is her serial liar father, douchebag Michael Lohan.
So, with no one on her side and no one to believe that she's a good girl who just got caught up in drugs and booze and kidnapping and car theft and jewelry store robbery, Lindsay has announced that she will no longer go to The Standard; because it's the hotel';s fault she brawls there.
Yes, Lohan is “banning” herself, except......
The folks who run The Standard are saying that they barred Lindsay from bringing her cracked-ass troubles into their establishment. In fact, The Standard has also barred Lohan 2.0, AKA DUI-arrestee Amanda Bynes, from the premises.
So now I’m imagining Original Recipe Lohan and Lohan 2.0 standing outside a 7/11 drinking from paper bags and smacking each other in the face.
Stay tuned.

America’s Next Top Model.
Is it still on? I'm guessing the answer is yes because ANTM headmaster Tyra Banks is peaking out about the upcoming season and a massive revamp of the show, which has become a parody of itself.
See, Tyra has gone ahead and fired everyone from the show next season.
Well, everyone except herself, I mean.
She tossed Miss J to the curb. She took Jay Manuel, and his over-acting hands, to the side and then crushed him. She told British judge Nigel Barker that his visa had expired.
All gone. But.....if you're trying to fix a tired show, wouldn't you look at the one constant, season after season, and tell that Amazon with the five-head that she was fired?
Oh, but she's the boss. And the ego. So, she's gonna be the runway coach, the photo-shoot coordinator, the photographer, and the judge. So she stays.
But, she might not like what former, and also fired, judge, Janice Dickinson has to say about ANTM. Appearing on the Derek and Romaine show on SiriusXM last week to talk about her upcoming one-woman show at XL Nightclub in NYC, Dickinson reacted swiftly to the news that Tyra canned her team: “She’s one selfish greedy woman....She doesn’t have a creative bone in her body, so someone else is pulling the strings on this one.”
She was, however, upset about Miss J's firing, but she questioned Barker's sexually and finished up by saying, “I don’t like any of them. Fact. And they don’t like me.”
But she wasn't finished. At the end of her interview, she dropped one last bomb: “Okay. I’m just going to say it. COVERGIRL chooses the model. It’s not the judges. It’s not Tyra.”
The Five-head will not be amused. 

More on Lohan, the cracktress.
After all the brouhaha about Lohan's chemically altered face, and how Lifetime wasn't sure she could pull off playing Rip Taylor, oops, I mean Liz Taylor, because Lohan could totally do Rip Taylor, news has come that Lifetime has signed Crazy to a contract.
And Rosie O'Donnell is none too happy about it.
Rosie was on the "Today" show with Matt Lauer and Donny Deutsch when it was announced that Lohan will play Taylor in "Liz and Dick" and, as Rosie is apt to do, she made her feelings known: "I feel very sorry for her....I think she needs a lot of time away....She's had a lot of trouble doing every single movie, including SNL. She was out and not in rehearsal. I think she's not in a place to work."
Okay, everyone has a right to her opinion, but then Donny Deutsch actually suggested, "She's our generation's Elizabeth Taylor."
And Rosie lost it.
"You're out of your mind! You're a crackhead! The last thing she did good she was sixteen....I don't think she's right for the role and I don't think she's capable at this point to portray that character."
Well, like I said, Rip Taylor is right up her alley.


Poor Miley Cyrus and, to some extent, Dinty, er, Demi Moore..
Miley's trying to grow up from Disney ingenue to real life woman, and one step in that arduous process was starring in LOL opposite Demi Moore. Miley would be Lola, who is called Lol--yeah, that is a stretch. Demi, of course, is trying to prove she isn't a narcissistic, surgery loving, huffing, nutjob
But now comes word that LOL will not be getting the red carpet treatment from Lionsgate because, they ALLEGE, they couldn’t find a place for the film in their schedule. Or it was just too awful. I mean, Demi and Miley. That's Hollywood for trainwreck.
Lionsgate executives lost their enthusiasm for the picture and began focusing on several higher-profile projects, including flops like Abduction and the rebooted Conan the Barbarian, but now that The Hunger Games is making them all sorts of money, they don't want to release another God-awful Miley-Demi-hot-mess movie.
Execs are spinning the story that the weren't confident they could successfully sell LOL, which centers on Cyrus’ character, but features a series of interwoven tales involving teenagers, so LOL seemed destined for Direct-To-DVD hell, except.....
A clause in the contract that says it must be released domestically in at least 100 theaters.
Look out, Bismarck and Pocatella. I see a LOL in your future.
Trouble is, I don't see a film career in Miley's or Demi's.

It’s hard to break into the upper echelon of the social scene.
If you’re a Kardashian, I mean. It seems that Beyoncé wants nothing to do with the Kash Kow even if she’s Kanye’s latest bedtime whorey.
The Bey-Z don’t like the Kimye.
Seriously? A new language?
Anyway, ever since Kash Kow hooked her large posterior to Kanye’s ego, she’s been dreaming of joining that Beyoncé/Jay-Z inner circle.. But Beyoncé is apparently as turned off by Kash Kow as is most of America, and she is ALLEGEDLY icing Kardashian out of the group.
It’s high school all over again!
But apparently it has to do with the way they live their lives. Beyoncé's marriage to Jay-Z was extremely private, and neither of them confirmed it until long after the event, while Kim’s, for lack of a better word, marriage was a whore-fest media circus, with elephants—Hi Khloe—and circus clowns—Hi Bruce—and then filmed for TV.
Now, I am not the biggest fan of Beyoncé and Jay-Z, who never met a market they didn’t want to tap into—do not make me rehash the Beyonce coockbook—but I am loving the ice-out of Kimye.
Get to steppin’, whores.

And even more on Lohan.
Now, to be fair, there are all kinds of stories out there about the wactress, and sometimes even I have a hard time believing them. Like this one: Rumor had it that Lohan was late to the set for the first day of her first acting job in a few years.
Late.
Now, that seemed like it was just gossip, until…… one irate cast member, Dot Marie Jones, who plays Coach Beiste, Tweeted: “Gonna be a long day!! Some ppl show up late and just throw a wrench in things. Not cool!”
Jones also Tweeted [and later deleted]. “I’d rather be an hour early (I was) than 5 minutes late.”
Trouble is, Lohan wasn’t five minutes late—I mean, that would have given her enough time to fill her water bottle with vodka—but was six hours late. And this was after producers sent a car to pick her up from under a bar at the Chateau Marmont.
And then she went all diva on the set, and demanded a large, extra pimped-out trailer for her to use on the two days she was supposed to work.
A set insider—and I’m guessing it’s Lea Michele, who wants to be the only diva on that set—says  “She came to set with a million demands and was not prepared to work. The cast is already worked to death and then she puts everything behind. She is a diva!”
Yup, six hours late, she hasn’t yet read the script, and she wants to be treated like a star! But her lapdog, spokesmonkey, Steve Honig, spoke out, saying, “I am on the set with Lindsay right now, and everything is going well and on schedule.” 
Uh huh.
That ‘source’ also said, “Lindsay was a total nightmare. She was three hours late in the morning, and when she did finally arrive, she just didn’t want to be there. She did not want to work. She had not memorized her lines, and she kept disappearing so no one could find her.” 
In fact, the cast was so displeased with Lohan they began calling her “That girl” as in That girl is a crack head. Or That girl stole my necklace.
And with all that trouble on the set, Honig finally had to admit Lindsay wasn’t the professional cracktress they make her out to be. He claimed her tardiness was a “misunderstanding” about her call time, and said all the gossip was “a classic example of people trying to bash Lindsay. She busted her ass yesterday and is back on set again today.” 
Oh Steve, you do earn your paycheck, don’t you.
I mean, if Lindsay actually pays you.

9 comments:

kathy said...

KimK and Lindsay are going to be at the White House correspondents dinner invited by FoxNews. The fifth circle of Hell has been breached.

Jim said...

Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay.....

gotta love the gossip Bob.

She certainly is no Marlo "That Girl" Thomas, is she?

Love the Lindsay updates, keep it coming and have a great weekend.

mistress maddie said...

Lindsay Lohan was the victim in another Standard bar brawl that left her soaked in someone else’s cocktail????? What's the problem? Wouldn't' she just get a straw and suck it out? This is free drinks for her!

R.J. said...

The Lohan - Bynes brawl would be too classy for 7-11. I predict it will be held at a 24-hour taco shop like this one that occurred in my nearby gayborhood not long ago.

Bill Dameron said...

I love Miss J, say it aint so!!

Debbie said...

OMG I think I love you. I hate everyone you do! :) love love love YOUR BLOG.

New follower!

XOXO
Deb

Ron said...

Jennifer Lopez, she of the phoniest laugh and biggest ass in the business; proof positive that some of the people can be fooled all of the time. Remind me again of her "talent."

www.DiatribesAndOvations.com said...

Another great post! Thanks!

Clinish said...

Why aren't you writing for a celebrity magazine? Your Lohan gossip makes my day every single time I read it. You are hysterical.