Saturday, April 07, 2012

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Poor O.
Her network, the modestly named OWN, is flailing like a flounder on a hook--it's losses this year alone are some $150 million.
O tried to use Rosie O'Donnell to save the network, hoping Ro would gather big ratings, but that didn't happen. So O dumped Ro.
And now O is scrambling to find a replacement for Ro and has ALLEGEDLY offered the job to Wynonna Judd, who was less than thrilled to take that call, and ALLEGEDLY told O to, er, shove it.
Apparently Wy is still pissed off at O for promising her the same gig on OWN last year and then suddenly handing the job to Ro instead.
A source--and by source I mean Ashley Judd because she has a new TV series to promote and needs all the press she can get--says, “Wynonna simply gave Oprah a taste of her own medicine, and Oprah didn’t like it! Oprah, on the other hand, feels that Wynonna is an ingrate after she gave her and her mom Naomi a big break.”
See, O gave Wynonna and Naomi their own reality series on OWN and she was so impressed that she started discussions with Wy about hosting her own talk show. Wy started putting her career on hold, ready to film her talk show and then O  hired Ro.
Then Ro's show flopped, and O started sniffing around Wy again. And Wy ALLEGEDLY told O to, um, shove it.
Oh, and speaking of Ro--whom the media likes to play as the bad guy in this whole OWN mess--she ALLEGEDLY attempted to bury the hatchet with O by inviting her to Ro's 50th birthday party at Chicago’s Studio Paris.
O didn't show.

Lohan! Get your Lohan here!
Lindsay had her most recent court appearance, and, well, somebody got good marks! The judge even came down from the bench and patted Lindsay on the head, whilst murmuring, 'Good girl! Good! Good girl!"
And then she got some more good news. See, Lohan is set to play Elizabeth Taylor--excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth--in a Lifetime TV movie to be filmed in Canada, But, um, the Canadian government isn't really keen on allowing cracktresses to receive work visas. But, now they do!
According to a source--Hey Dina!--“Lindsay has just been granted a Canadian work permit to film an upcoming Liz Taylor movie in Toronto. Canadian officials have realized Lindsay has been receiving positive marks from the court and her probation officer … and signed off on the permit hours after she completed her community service requirements yesterday.”
And it all seems legit, and not just some Keep Lindsay In The News Without Having Her Arrested plot, because it looks like Lifetime will finally officially announce that Lindsay Lohan will star as Elizabeth Taylor in their upcoming movie, Liz and Dick.
It seems Lifetime was just waiting for the jailbird, alcoholic, drug addict, jewel thief, kidnapper, car thief to resolve her legal issues before telling the world that they are planning a Royal EFF Up on a Liz Taylor biopic by having Lohan play Liz.
First Dance Moms and now this mess. Oh Lifetime. You used to be TV for Women--and Gay Men. Now you're just TV for White Trash.
Except for Project Runway! I loves me some Runway!

Oh JLo. Seriously.
I mean, first there are the multiple marriages--and when you add them all up, they amount to even less time than Carlos and I have been together though we can't legally tie the know over and over and over and over and....
Where was I?
Oh yeah. JLo and Backup Dancer.
It seems that the Boy-Toy, Casper Not-So-Smart has given JLo the greatest gift of all.
No. Not an STD, silly, He tattooed her name on his penis.
And, given the size of his shoes,I think he went for JLo out of necessity--if you get my meaning--and not her real name Jennifer Lynn Lopez Noa Judd Anthony.
Still, what does it say about a forty-two-year-old mother of two who dates a man young enough to be her son and adores the fact that her name is inked on his mini-schlong?

We haven't heard from  Paris Hilton for a while, mainly because, well, she's over. But don't tell her that!
It seems the heiress-businesswoman-singer-actress-coke-mule was greatly “offended” when she was being interviewed by Australian TV show, “Sunrise,” with simple questions like what her typical day is like and the show her DJ boyfriend Afrojack was putting on that night at a big club opening.
But then correspondent Edwina Bartholmew politely asked: “What about when you’re not famous anymore, what are you going to do?” The 31-year-old Hilton responded by saying that she “just wants to be able to have children and have a normal life with my kids.”
Nice, except, it's high-larious! And except that her publicist later made it clear that the  heiress-businesswoman-singer-actress-coke-mule was not happy being asked about losing her fame.
Sunrise producers were told that if they aired the full interview they would not be allowed on the red carpet at the club opening that night.
The show ran it anyway proving that their question was legit, because, well, Paris is over.

It's safe to say I've never seen an episode of anything Whoredashian, and when the one with the La Grande Ass got married for a bout a minute last summer, you know, for ratings and such, I'd never even heard of her pro-athlete husband/ex-husband. I do know that his name started with a K, too, which made me suspicious that the whole thing was planned, you know, for ratings and such.
And now it seems that the ex-Mister Whoredashian is holding up the divorce until the Kash Kow comes clean that it was all staged and planned and made up and not real, except for the ratings and such, and all the gifts the Kash Kow got, and kept, and the millions she made for selling her soul for fame; not to mention her booty and her vah-jay-jay, according to a certain sex tape.
But I digress. And I will admit that I am loving that Kris Humphries is refusing to divorce Kim Kardashian unless she gives him a “public apology” and admits “the entire wedding was staged by her and her family.” In fact, he even turned down a seven million dollar settlement, or, er, hush money, offer.
A source--and, by source, I mean media-whoring Mama Kris Jenner--says, “Kris wants Kim to admit to fraud, to admit the whole thing was staged for publicity, to make a public apology to him because he really wanted a marriage.”
See, Kris put the kibosh on the divorce, and instead filed for an annulment based on fraud, and demanded Kim reveal how much she earned during their 72-day marriage, claiming she hasn’t given an honest account of the money made from their wedding. Kris has complied with turning over his bank records and credit card statements, but Kash Kow, so far, has not.
Still, the source, ahem, also says that Kim never offered him $7 million and “just wants to move on.”
See, the Kash Kow wants to play the victim, the innocent; like she never whored herself out to a boyfriend for some VHS fame. And she never whored out her family for some money. And she never whored herself out for some knickknacks and a big E! payday.
I ain't buying what she's selling and I hope Kris Humphries sticks to his guns.

Ashton Kutcher, he of Screwing Around His Wife Who looked Liked His Mother, and of  ALLEGEDLY schtupping Rihanna fame, was a presenter the Academy of country Music Awards the other night because it was on CBS and he's on CBS and, well, that's that.
But, for no real reason at all, he appeared on stage in some MGM wardrobe department cowboy costume from the Silent Era, and then proceeded to badly twang his way through a George Strait song, “I Cross My Heart” before handing over the trophy to Miranda Lambert.
And Lambert wasn't too amused by Kutcher's garb, or his song, or the fact that he's ALLEGEDLY schtupping Chris Brown's ex, and later Tweeted, “Was Ashton Kutcher making fun of country or is it just me? Watching it back now and I’m kinda wondering?”
Fellow country singer Justin Moore was more direct, and speedier, Tweeting from the audience while Kutcher schticked up the stage, “Seen Ashton kutcher at the acms tonight. What a douche! I don’t care for people making a mockery of the way country artists’ dress.”
Most folks in the crowd were less than thrilled with Kutcher's comical cowboy. At an afterparty, one source--and it may or may not have been Demi--said, “People were just like ‘why is he here?’ – he has nothing to do with country. Nobody laughed at his dumb jokes, in fact he came off as rude. He didn’t mingle.”
A second source--still Demi, I'm guessing--also says Kutcher walked around the bash “with a massive posse” and “stayed in that dumb outfit for the after party.” Cuz he's a big TV star, you know, and f**ked around on his wife.
Funny, no?
I think Kutcher thinks whatever he does, whether Tweeting support for a protector of pedophiles, or giggling while cheating on his wife, is all good press. I think Kutcher thinks too highly of himself. I think Kutcher thinks he's the be all and end all of a hot celeb.
I think Kutcher's a douchebag.

Barbra Streisand loves her gay son, Jason Gould. I mean, she doesn't really ever talk about him, but she loves him.
However....and isn't there always a however....she's not so keen about her gay son Jason being a sexual being. In fact, a source--and I think it's James Brolin--says, Babs has never been able to put up with his “promiscu­ous” ways and hasn’t talked to him in more than a year."
Jason, Barbra’s son former husband Elliott Gould, is has a reputation as a The Gay Casanova in New York’s gay community, ac­cording to the, um, source: “It’s terribly sad. There’s a tremendous strain in their relationship and it’s because they’re both so similar-- stubborn and pigheaded."
And both into hot guys. I mean, James Brolin is pretty hot, no?
Still, Babs is ter­rified that Jason is neglecting his health [he's openly HIV+] and fo­cusing too much attention on his social life. She wants him to fall in love with a nice boy and settle down, but he likes the single life.
When Barbra first heard rumors last year that Jason was involved in relationships with multiple men and en­gaging in public displays of affection, she blew up. She called Jason and told him he needed to settle down with one guy and to quit all the playing around--and if he was go­ing to be irresponsible with his life then she was going to wash her hands of him.
Her forty-five-year-old son? 
Jason told his mother to take her nose--and I'll make no jokes about The Schnoz--out of his business.
It's a standstill. She won't call until he cuts out the party boy stuff, and he won't call until she cuts out the meddling.


froggy said...

Mantra for Mother of Young Adults - be quiet, be quiet, BE QUIET - unless asked and then be very circumspect and neutral. For the Mother of a 45 year old - shut up, shut up, SHUT UP.

R.J. said...

The penis tattoo isn't impressive. How much length do you need to put JLo on one?

And nothing says small penis like Ashton Kutcher and his International CXT pickup. Google that and laugh.

Miss Ginger Grant said...

Asshole Kutcher is the Queen of the Douches- can't stand her! And I'm with Barbra- slutpunk needs to clean up his act: 45 is way too old to be sleazing around town like the twins of the moment!

Ron said...

All this talk about O and Ro and Wy and flailing like a flounder on a hook, all I could think of was beached whales. Yes, I said it.

Ron said...

Hey, if they can't get Lynds to play Elizabeth Taylor, there is always Tara Reid. I hear she's available, lopsided tits and all.

Ron said...

Ashton Douchebag and his posse are hee hawing right now as everyone else at the AMCA are finally figuring out that they just got punked.

Wonder Man said...

Poor Oprah

Sam said...

Barbra Streisand has a son?

Jim said...

Lindsay the lush playing an alcoholic actress? Perfect... but they could also choose from others available.
What's with Paris Hilton posing ala Audrey Hepburn in the 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' pose?

Cubby said...

Paris who?

BosGuy said...

That bit about the Aussie media and Paris Hilton was funny.