I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Now that Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes has wound down to nothingness, and the universe righted itself, Andy Kohen sat down with the Koven to discuss their, um, legacy?

It was all rather blah, from what I read since I have never watched anything Kardastrophe—I even turn off Khloé’s insipid commercials—apparently the audience was treated to Kimmy’s take on her minute’s long marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries.

Kim says she owes Humphries an apology—bitch owes the planet an apology— for the way she handled their 72-day marriage and divorce but he was apparently not in a forgiving mood, even when she ran into him the Beverly Hills Hotel a few years back and it did not go well:

“I saw him and all of his friends got up from the table, we had the tables next to each other. All of his friends got up and said hi to me and he literally just looked at me and like wouldn’t even speak to me.”

Kim says Humphries is “faith-based”—meaning religious, something Kimmy knows nothing of because she’s “fame-based”—and wanted an annulment,  which is why he claimed fraud in his filing:

“If I was mature, I would have wanted the annulment too. I wish I was only married once.”

Hey, you aren’t married now, or did you forget that Kanye already has a new side-piece he’s traveling with in Europe? You dragged Kris Humphries into marriage for a TV show and then dumped his ass when the ratings didn’t go up.

That’s what happens Kimmy when you live your life for social media.

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Britney Spears has been a pop star since the last century but has been laying low for several years now due to legal battles with her daddy about her money.

But, in a new Instagram Q&A, BritBrit says she’s not sure if she’ll ever sing again ... and the world heaved a sigh of relief.

There’s more to this story, but I want to leave it on a high note.

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Disney+’s latest superhero series, Marvel’s Falcon and the Winter Soldier, is a hit, but one of its stars, Anthony Mackie, seems a tad peevish that people online are saying his character Sam Wilson AKA the Falcon is secretly in love with Bucky Barnes AKA the Winter Soldier, played by Sebastian Stan.

First things first: I am in love with Sebastian Stan. Get that queer, Anthony. And now, back to snark …

Anthony has gone after the Twitterers who envision homo-love for Sam and Bucky, saying that two straight men can have a strong friendship without the “gay”:

“There’s so many things that people latch on to with their own devices to make themselves relevant and rational. The idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality … It used to be guys can be friends, we can hang out, and it was cool. You can’t do that anymore, because something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves.”

Wait; he calls homosexuality pure and beautiful, but doesn’t want you thinking Sam and Bucky are the new homo Sam and Diane?

Mixed messaging, Anthony. Luckily, the uber hot Sebastian Stan doesn’t share Mackie’s views; he says:

“I’m just happy that the relationship is embraced, and it should be embraced in whatever way or fashion that people desire and want it to be.”

Which is why I think they are gay and in love and that I’d like to be the meat in a Sam-and-Bucky sammich.

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In the Everything Old Is New Again File … Chris Brown has once again been accused of attacking a woman.

Police showed up at Brown’s home after a woman them saying she’d just been slapped in the face by Chris and the attack caused part of her weave to come out.

Chris responded via Instagram—because, why not—by telling everyone that the accusations are so damn “cap,” meaning people are spreading lies.

And so there you have it … known abuser Chris Brown says he did not abuse another woman.

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More from In the Everything Old Is New Again File … serial cheater, Tristan Thompson—who cheated on his baby mama with   Khloé Kardastrophe, whom he cheated on when she was pregnant—has been accused of allowing his penis out without a leash … again.

Apparently, Tristan went to the birthday party of YouTuber Tana Mongeau and was seen entering a room with 3 women and when he came out he was, um, “disheveled.” To be fair, he might have been helping them move furniture but … serial cheater.

As the story broke, though, it was reported that Tristan and Khloé broke up for the millionth time and the Koven wants you to know that the breakup happened weeks ago and so Tristan wasn’t technically cheating on Khloe … again.

Uh huh.

Note to Tristan: if you wanna end this now, just say you thought you were boning Khloé, and she’s had so many knew faces, you thought this was just the newest one.

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