Today In GOP News

On Monday, Rex Tillerson, the now former Secretary of State, cut short a visit to East Africa to fly back to Washington, but before he left, he said that the nerve-gas attack carried out on a former Russian spy in England, was a “really egregious act.”

He also said it wasn’t entirely clear who was responsible.

But later that same day, the State Department issued a statement in which Tillerson expressed his “full confidence” in the British government’s assessment that the Russian state was almost certainly the culprit.

After that the Fat Bastard fired Tillerson with a Tweet. Tillerson didn’t learn the lesson that you can do anything you want in this White House except say disparaging things about Putin.

Tillerson was right when he called _____ a “fucking moron.”

And then … that same day, Donny Junior offered up his own definition of “collusion” …

Even though _____’s own party of hypocrites said there was “no collusion” Junior took to the news cycle to defend the collusion:

“When you are on a campaign trail like that, there’s so much going on. Like, I didn’t even think about it. By the way, and they talk about me not disclosing. I’m not in government. I had no obligation to disclose it. I took a meeting from someone that we had done business with years before. I said okay, fine, I’ll listen to you. I thought that was pretty much covered under the First Amendment. So I listened.”

Um, Junior, it’s a good thing you aren’t in government because the idea that the First Amendment covers an explicit attempt to conspire with America’s enemies is perhaps the most absurd and ignorant defense anyone has ever given.

Oh, and no matter what the GOP says, no matter what Fox News says, Mueller is still on the case.

Asshat.

And then there’s this … Leslie Gibson, a GOP candidate for the Maine House of Representatives used Twitter to attack 18-year-old Emma Gonzalez who survived a mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida:

“There is nothing about this skinhead lesbian that impresses me and there is nothing that she has to say unless you're frothing at the mouth moonbat.”

That’s the GOP, sucking at the teat of the NRA, in full focus.

On the Porn Star front … Stormy Daniels is still talking about screwing _____ right after his wife, Melania, gave birth in 2006:

“[The sex] was textbook generic … nothing crazy. It was one position. What you would expect someone his age to do.’’

The quote comes from an unprinted interview with InTouch magazine in 2011; the magazine didn’t publish the interview because _____’s team threatened legal action. But now the story is leaking …

After the Ick Sex, Stormy says _____ became “smitten” and started calling her every 10 days, promising to get her on “The Apprentice” and referring to her as “honeybunch,” but this where it gets ickier …Stormy claims _____compared her to Ivanka:

“He told me once that I was someone to be reckoned with, beautiful and smart just like his daughter.’’

I guess he felt he was f**king Ivanka by proxy?

Oh, and don’t forget … _____’s longtime personal aide John McEntee was fired yesterday because he is currently under investigation by the Department of Homeland Security for serious financial crimes.

Or perhaps because of security clearance issues.

McEntee was then instantly hired by _____’s 2020 presidential campaign.

No. Seriously. You cannot make this shiz up.

Lastly... Democrat Conor Lamb is the apparent winner of a House seat in an area of Pennsylvania many call, or perhaps called, _____ country by a razor-thin margin.

The Blue Tide rolls on.

And what makes his victory—the only outstanding votes are the approximately 200 absentee votes in Greene County—is that his opponent campaigned on the theory that if you voted for Conor Lamb you don’t love this country, you don’t love God, and you don’t love _____.

Seriously?

Bye Felicia.