It's Snarkurday!

For months, former Sex and the City frenemies Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker were engaged in battle after Cattrall refused to come back for a third SATC—which no one outside of SJP and Kristin Davis wanted—and when Kim balked, SJP tried to publicly shame Kim into making the film; sure, it was a battle fought on magazine covers and Twitter and Andy Cohen, but the battle raged.

I was, and am, #TeamKim—I think SJP is an act, onscreen and off—because Kim was done with the whole charade; I mean, years of the series, one good film sequel and one god awful film sequel and who can blame Kim for screaming, “Enough!”.

SJP tried to publicly shame Kim into making the film but Cattrall dug in her stilettos and basically outed SJP for what we already knew: that she makes major coins off those films and she wanted the money and Kim wasn’t playing.

Also not playing was Cynthia Nixon, who we now know is running for governor of New York and an SATC film is not a campaign video; so, how are the girls reacting to Nixon’s political ambitions? SJP is mum, until someone gives her a check top voice her opinion, and Davis is quiet because her opinion isn’t a job, but Kim is talking, and throwing subtle shade.

Someone tweeted at Kim:

“Kim, what do you think of Cynthia running?!”

And Kim replied:

“I support & respect any former colleague’s right to make their own career choices.”

Snap; whether it’s a career choice to run for office or a career choice to saying ‘No’ to a dead franchise.

Go Kim!

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A few weeks back Burt Reynolds—yes, still alive and plugging a new film The Last Movie Star—appeared on The Today Show with Hoda Kotb and said some weird shiz like ….

Hoda: Who would you consider the love of your life?

Burt: You’re naughty. You really are. I am dead in the water no matter what I say. Well, she was 7 when I fell in love with her. She stayed 7 for about 11 years. I would say Sally.

Hoda: Sally Field?

Burt: No, Sally Woofergosh. Yes, Sally Field

Sadly, making himself look a little like a pedophile, because he actually met Sally when she was 31., but then he also muttered something about Hoda’s “purty mouth.”

And so now, the doddering Reynolds is trying to explain what he didn’t know or doesn’t remember he said. Still pushing the movie, he’s also being asked to explain what he said, and is playing the I-Have-No-Idea card; of LipGate he said:

“It didn’t come out like that. I don’t know what the hell I said, but I got so (hacked) off at people being (hacked) off at me for hurting Kotb.”

As for Sally, he tried to change the quote entirely:

 “I didn’t say 7. I said 37, I think.”

Except even thirty-even is wrong. Look, he’s an old man, and I think he was trying to be smug and smarmy and funny, but once you hit the Eighty-Year-Mark leave smug and funny for men half your age.

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Earlier this month, it was reported that two actor-doctors from Grey’s Anatomy—Jessica Capshaw, Dr. Arizona Robbins, and Sarah Drew, Dr. April Kepner—would not have their contracts renewed.

This happens all the time on shows that have been on the air for over thirty years—or at least feel like it—but …were the dismissals of these two actors because Grey’s “star” Ellen Pompeo negotiated a new contract to stay with the show for $20 million?

Just saying; as soon as the ink dried on Pompeo’s contract, actors on the show have been let go; the coins have to come from somewhere.

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Sean Penn is currently promoting a book he “wrote,” Bob Honey Just Do Stuff, and recently appeared on Marc Maron’s WTF Podcast; when Maron asked him about co-parenting with his ex-wife, House of Cards Robin Wright, Penn got a little nasty. Penn, whom Wright divorced in 2010, are parents of two now grown children, Dylan and Hopper, and Penn says the two “don’t have a lot of conversation[s].”

Um, your kids are in their mid-20s … what’s to discuss? Penn says:

“We don’t not get along. We have very separate relationships with our kids at this point and it seems to work better that way because they are making their own decisions. As it turned out she and I did not share the same ethical views on parenting, including the continuing parenting of adult children.”

Parenting adult children? Sounds like Penn’s a bit of a tyrant who wants to control his children long into adulthood. He also added that the Wright-Penn offspring are “both acting and modeling, an industry that I’m not very interested in.”

What’s this? It’s the best part of the interview … Sean Penn is done with acting.

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We recently talked about all the rape allegations against actor Ed Westwick—accused by at least three women of drugging and raping them—and it’s getting more interesting.

A few of the women made statements to the police and last week the LAPD confirmed that it had an open investigation into Westwick and that was when Westwick ALLEGEDLY did this … he went on social media and deleted statements he posted denying those sexual assault allegations made against him.

An LAPD source—is it Lohan working with Lawyer.com?—says:

“It has come to the attention of investigators that Mr. Westwick has removed denials about alleged rapes of the victims in this investigation from his social media accounts that he had posted last November.”

That begs the question, Why? It’s not clear when Westwick erased the messages, but it came to light that he had done so four days after the LA District Attorney confirmed that his case was under review.

It might be that Westwick has hired a high-profile L.A.-based female criminal defense lawyer to represent him and she apparently has a policy for her clients to stay off social media.

I get that his lawyer probably told him to delete the posts because, really, it’s best to say nothing, and I get that the deletions are not an admission of guilt, but I also get that his posts aren’t really gone. The denials were copied and posted and posted and reposted and are still out there … and can come up in a trial if there ever is a trial.

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In Frightening News …moments after his wife Vanessa served the divorce papers on a platter to Donald Junior., he went out and got himself a license to carry a concealed weapon in Pennsylvania.

Now, we all know Junior has a yuge ego and tiny dick … like Daddy …and loves to hunt and kill animals because it gives him a sense of power killing a defenseless animal, then posing for a picture over the carcass and splattering it all over social media.

But now he’s packing heat in America?

It is not clear why he applied in Pennsylvania, but … there is speculation that he didn’t do it in New York because you have to supply financials and, also like Daddy Little Dick, Junior doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s not nearly as rich as he pretends … or doesn’t want people to know how much of him is owned by Russia.

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One of the big stories of the week—and by ‘big’ I mean ‘stupid—was the Who bit Beyoncé in the face?

Seriously. It all began when publicity thirsty Tiffany Haddish took to social media to say:

“You wanna know who bit Beyoncé? I’m gonna just tell you all. And it’s the last time I’m talking about it. I ain’t going to say nothing else about it. People should be focusing on the real issues at hand, like did you do your taxes? Because taxes is due real soon. Can your children read and write? Have you been working with them on their reading and their writing? Is your house clean? That’s what we need to be focusing on. But y’all wanna know … everybody’s going crazy about who bit Beyoncé.”

She initially tried to joke and say it was Stormy Daniels, and then Lena Dunham’s name was bandied about and finally Sanaa Lathan became the biter. And then Haddish said she’d never tell because:

“NDAs [Non-disclosure agreements] are real, so I’m not saying shit about nothing.”

And even Beyoncé isn’t saying anything, or turning it into a song or some concept album or long-form video or some other way to turn it all into coins, but a source—clearly, it’s Beyoncé—said:

“She thinks it’s sweet people are so concerned, but also doesn’t want to make life hard for the person that did it.” 

Meaning she’ll drag this out for a few months and then turn it into a song or some concept album or long-form video or some other way to turn it all into coins.

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We have an update in the SJP Silence over Cynthia Nixon’s political aspirations.

SJP said, through a spokesperson because if she’s not getting paid, she won’t do the talking:

“Cynthia has been my friend and colleague since we were little girls. I look forward to talking to her about her New York state gubernatorial bid.”

Sorry, SJP, that was far from a ringing endorsement. I mean, it sounds like you’re a bit miffed she doesn’t want you on the ticket.

Or maybe it was a lukewarm statement because if Nixon wins, then SJP knows that she’ll not be available for SATC 4 or 5 or 6, and with only SJP and Kristen Davis on-board, who’d pay to sit through that?

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Lastly, Tyra Banks, who annoys me more than Beyoncé, if possible.

Banks has finally admitted what everyone already knows: she had a nose job. But the best part of learning this truth is the reason she gives for going under the knife.

Banks recently wrote a memoir with her mom called Perfect Is Boring and explained the rhinoplasty:

“I had bones in my nose that were growing and itching. I could breathe fine, but I added cosmetic surgery.”

Itchy bones that grow in her nose.

Yes, she clearly annoys me more than Beyoncé.

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