I Didn't Say It ...

Kelli Stargel, Florida state Senator and Republican, because, of course, on how to stop gun death:

“When we say ‘thoughts and prayers,’ it’s frowned upon. And I take real offense at that because thoughts and prayers are really the only thing that’s gonna stop the evil from within the individual who is taking up their arms to do this kind of a massacre. It’s not the weapon, it’s the evil from within.”

Seriously. A ‘thought’ will stop gun violence? A prayer? It hasn’t worked yet you ass, so maybe rethink your ignorance.

I pray you’ll find a rational thought in there, though I think you won’t.

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Daniel Malloy, Democratic Governor of Connecticut , on the NRA:

“They act, quite frankly, in some cases as a terrorist organization. You want to make safer guns? We will boycott your company. That’s who they are. That’s what they do. The NRA today is a far cry from the NRA that in 1999 said that teachers shouldn’t carry weapons in schools. Or in the 90’s said we should have universal background checks. They have in essence become a terrorist organization.”

Word.

And let’s not forget they’re a homegrown terrorist group that supports and is supported by the GOP.

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Tucker Carlson, on _____’s announcement that he’ll take away guns first and then go through due process”

“Now, I mean, how honest do you want to be? Imagine if Barack Obama had said that? Just ignore due process and confiscating guns? Obama would have been denounced as a dictator. We would have denounced him first, trust me. Congress would be talking impeachment. Some would be muttering secession.”

Of course, as happens with _____,. He changed his mind a few hours later after meeting with, and cashing a check from, the NRA.

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Alec Baldwin, on playing _____:

“Every time I [play Trump] now, it’s like agony. Agony. I can’t. If things don’t go in the right direction for the midterms. … I could go out on the street, stand on any corner and tap 10 people on the shoulder. And all 10 of them, in all likelihood, would be more qualified — ethically, morally, intellectually and spiritually — than Trump. I’ll vote for Mitt Romney. I don’t care. Anybody over this guy. It doesn’t matter. We have to get rid of him.”

And when _____ Tweeted that Baldwin is a terrible actor, Baldwin released a tweet of his own that said he’s be happiest to keep playing _____ because he wants to be there for the sketches of _____’s impeachment or removal from office.

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Stephen Colbert, on former _____ lackey  Sam Nunberg’s epic meltdown:

“Nunberg took over cable TV like a car chase. You know Mueller can arrest you, right? That’s like saying ‘Eat me’ to Hannibal Lecter. This guy is like a Snickers bar — the peanuts just keep coming. I think all of our feelings about Nunberg’s call-ins this afternoon were best summed up by [Jake Tapper’s] face.”

‘Nuff said; these are just the kinds of people _____chooses to surround himself with.

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Lee Pace, actor, officially coming out after years of dodging the question:

“In a recent phone interview, I was asked questions that I wasn’t expecting and found myself momentarily at a loss for the right words. My privacy is important to me, so I protect it. When interviewed by the media, I keep the focus on my work. [But] aAs a member of the queer community, I understand the importance of living openly, being counted, and happily owning who I am. That’s how I’ve always lived my life.”

It does make no difference, except to that young kid who looks up to Lee Pace and sasys, ‘If he can be out and proud, I can, too.’

That’s where it matters.

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George W. Bush,  on _____:

“‘Sorta makes me look pretty good, doesn’t it?'” 

I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but George W. Bush is not the worst president ever.

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Adam Rippon , on rumors that Johnny Weir was jealous of all the attention he was getting.

“Maybe … But you know what, I’m not coming for his job. I’m not coming for his gig … We’ve always reached out to each other and I’ve always thanked him because I’ve always felt like he made my way a little easier …”

Of course he did, because without a Johnny Weir, we might not have had an Adam Rippon.

Weir paved skated the way for Adam.

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Chelsea Clinton, on being disappointed that Complicit _____ supports her father’s agenda:

“It’s clear that she has supported policies and decisions that I don’t agree with. I’ve been very vocal about my opposition to President _____. I certainly am just really sad that we’re at a point in time … where we have a president who has such callous disregard for thoughtful, coherent, expert-advised foreign policy. [It] is something I would hope, regardless of where we sit on the political spectrum, we would agree on.”

The difference between a pandering handbag designer , sweatshop boss, and Chelsea Clinton is staggering.

I think Chelsea should run against _____ and wipe the floor with him … then send him and his daughter to prison.

Just a thought.

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