PR All-St★rs 6 Ep9: You're Such a Posen

Well, we’re walking down Fifth Avenue—the “ritzy part of town” according to Joshua—and the designtestants stumble into Zac Posen Atelier to find, who knew, Zac Posen and Alyssa Milano.

Alyssa reminds everyone that Posen has dressed everyone “from Oscar winners to First Ladies” and, perhaps most importantly, is a PR judge and will be a PR All-St★rs judge.

The challenge this week will be to create a red carpet look that showcases each designer’s unique technique—after we learn that Posen’s signature technique is ‘anatomical architecture’—and they have one full day to work it out. But, there’s a minor twist; no Anne Fulenwider this week, so the designtestants will mentor one another … with constructive criticism, Alyssa warns.

Oh, and we have another prize this week, as Posen tells the designtestants that the winner will, ahem, be the wardrobe designer for a yet-to-be-determined “leading lady” of a yet-to-be-determined Lifetime original movie.

Ooooh, who gets to dress Tori Spelling in Mother May I Sleep with Someone Who Is Not My Husband and Then Go Broke?

Let the games begin:

SAFE

HELEN

Her signature technique is corsetry and she gave us a strapless mermaid dress. How. Original. But she also gave us snark, saying Edmond could teach her nothing, and then tried to mentor Stanley into doing something wrong that she knows the judges hate because Helen doesn’t want to win on merit, she wants to win by throwing the other designers under the bus. Don’t be like Helen.

TOPS AND BOTTOMS

FABIO—pleating  

Fabio is known for his pleats; I did not know this, I thought he was known for pushing boundaries, but pleats are good, too.

Ken gets Fabio’s Button and so he will be the mentor; he asks questions about the pleating on the top, then says he likes the look, only to admit in his confessional that he lied and thinks the dress is ugly.

Nice Ken.

WHAT HE SAID

I love the pleating pattern … I love the back … it’s fresh and new.

WHAT I SAID

The color is not my favorite, but I love the look because it’s sexy without being tight and skin-baring.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Guest Judge Zac Posen calls it a spectacular dress; fabulous, different, progressive. Isaac Mizrahi said that the other looks were ‘now’ but Fabio’s look seemed more of ‘what’s happening next.’ Though he wondered if Fabio should win just on the merits of being different. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the pleating and the seaming, and the fluid back and that Fabio stuck to his DNA, but felt the neckline was a bit dowdy. Second Guest Judge Rosie Perez liked it because not everyone would be wearing it; a standout. Alyssa also loved it and said she knew it was a ‘Fabio’ the minute she saw it and dubbed it the “anti-red-carper-dress red-carpet dress.

KEN—sculpting

Ken had an idea for some sculpting around the bottom of the dress, but scrapped that idea along the way in favor of a side bustle; yes … a side bustle.

His mentor was Joshua, who asked a couple of questions about the soon-to-be-scrapped sculpture and then said basically nothing. But then Josh has nothing so …

WHAT HE SAID

I love the fact that I used the right side of the material and the wrong side of the material … but the side piece is not cute.

WHAT I SAID

It’s more of a side goiter.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa hates “the thing” and called it unnecessary. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said the side-piece was pulling at the fabric, and it was the wrong fabric for what Ken was aiming to do. Isaac said Ken always gives a neck, sometimes good, sometimes bad, and this one was bad. Rosie Perez says it’s not really a red-carpet dress, though she loved the fabric, while Zac Posen said Ken was trying for feminine romance but didn’t go far enough into the romance; he called it unfinished and said it wasn’t a signature piece.

EDMOND—ruffles

The minute Edmond says he’s known, known, for his ruffles, I sense this going badly; I mean, isn’t he really known for his guns? And has he really showcased ruffles this season, and if not, how is he known for them.

But I like the idea of the rose ruffle on the dress …and then I see it. And Fabio, his mentor, sees it, and suggests he lose the top stitching detail; luckily Edmond listens and saved the dress from being horrendous and turns it into just awful

WHAT HE SAID

I feel really good …I hope the judges appreciate the technique.

WHAT I SAID

That is one giant rose.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loves a ruffle and a rose, but not this one; she doesn’t like the contrast between his rose fabric and the brocade fabric of the dress and says Edmond hasn’t quite found his voice. Isaac says his technique took an expensive fabric and cheapened it; he reminds the judges that Edmond has had a lot of ‘off’ weeks.  Alyssa says it looks a throw pillow, while Zac Posen doesn’t like the lack of movement in the rose, or where it was placed on the body; he also hates the zipper. Rosie Perez is more direct: “I hate this dress.” When asked to elaborate she says, “I don’t wanna kill the man any more than I already have

STANLEY—tailoring

The whole room seems to think Stanley will win again, and we know what that means. But, he’ll do his tailoring thang and make a red red-carpet dress with a wide skirt.

Sadly, his mentor is Helen, and Helen offers no help, no advice, no suggestions, other than to say he ought to shorten it a little because Alyssa and Georgina like to see a show under a dress. Yeah, apparently Helen forgot that last week Alyssa actually said, “I hate seeing toes peek out under a long dress.” But Helen was there to screw with people to help her win; again, she’s a bitch and don’t be like Helen.

WHAT HE SAID

My gown looks amazing …It highlights my signature technique.

WHAT I SAID

It’s gorgeous and simple, and sometimes simple doesn’t win.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa loves that the dress is simple and doesn’t overwhelm the model, but The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thinks it is too simple. Zac Posen liked the strap detail, because it gave the dress some detail, while Rosie Perez said she couldn’t wear it because of “the twins” and Stanley assured her that if he made her one, “the girls” would be taken care of. Isaac said, “Boobies or no boobies it looks like an expensive dress” though it was a little short in front; seriously, Stanley listened to Helen?

JOSHUA—pin tucking

“I’m doing pin tucks … I’m going to try and wow [the judges] with something the other designers are unaware of, or let’s really call it, even know of.”

Cue ominous drumming.

I don’t get the idea that Joshua excels at any one technique, so he chose this one because he thinks no one else could do it; he’s a poser.

Anthony, mentor to Joshua, has almost nothing to say, except to add that if he uses the two fabrics, he’s also doing color-blocking in addition to the pun tucking; he saves his real critique for the confessional:

“If it’s true to Josh and his aesthetic, I’m sure she’ll be naked and there will be some level of streetwalker to it.”

And, while Joshua bragged about his choice and his timing and his effort, he has nothing to try on his model, and then shrieks how hard it is to create a gown in 10 hours … those same ten hours the others used to finish their looks … just sayin’.

WHAT HE SAID

The skirt’s fabulous but the top is unresolved.

WHAT I SAID

That’s Josh-speak for the skirt is finished and the top is a mess … cuz it is, was, will be.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac loves the colors but thinks the pin-tucked top and seamed skirt are from two different looks. Zac Posen said it was a lot … body contouring, pleating, wings and a high-low hem; he ended up calling it trash. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ suggested that Josh stick to one story because this was, again, a lot. Rosie Perez said it was disco up top, and wedding reception down below. Alyssa couldn’t tell if she loved it or hated it, but said he did show a signature technique … “He gave us technique.” Zac Posen fired back, “It’s not how hard you work, it’s what it looks like.”

ANTHONY—sculpting

Anthony does Anthony, and that’s fairly smart; he’ll make something that fist the model’s shape and still has some architecture and sculpture to it.

Even Stanley, who gets the Mentor Button for Anthony, has all good things to say about the look … though he threw a hint of shade by reminding Anthony he was in the Bottom last week.

To which Anthony reminds Stanley that he, also, has been in the bottom, and pulled himself out of the ashes to win.

WHAT HE SAID

You always see a feminine silhouette but there’s also an architectural softness.

WHAT I SAID

It’s very cool, but I do notice that it gets tight when the model walks.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac likes the dress and the color—which Posen called a ‘glass of blue milk’ … whatever that mean—and loved what he called the specific drapery. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it gestural, like a brush stroke, easy and light. Zac Posen tells Anthony he nailed it, and Anthony squeals; he called it fluid and fresh and vintage. Rosie loved the dress and said her boobs would look great in it, but wasn’t it kind of the same flat front Stanley had? Still, she also said, “Darling, you are giving me the narrative, the epilogue, the entire stage performance, Broadway opening night, Oscar red carpet. I’m dying over here.”

Fabio and Stanley and Anthony are all tops … at least on the PR … and between Anthony and Stanley, Anthony gets the win …and squeals.

As for the Bottoms … Josh, Ken and Edmond. Ken survives, but between Josh and Edmond, Josh is clearly the loser.

Bye Felicia.

WTF was Alyssa wearing on the runway? In silhouette it looked like a cool pair of pants, but in the light, they were big and stiff and cropped all wrong …she looked like White Gumby.

I loved the Sister wives—Ken, Fabio and Anthony-sitting around watching Helen’s critique of Stanley. Fabio put it best saying:

“Stanley’s a really seasoned designer, so to have any of us go mentor him. I just wanna see, front row, what the hell’s going to happen with this.”

What happened was Helen was playing a game rather than offering constructive criticism because that’s Helen. Again, don’t be like Helen.

I am so glad Joshua is gone. I titled this post You’re Such a Posen and that’s Joshua; I feel like everything he does, from the eyebrows to the hair to the clipped tones in speech, to the pettiness, to his clothes, are all a put on; he’s a fake. If you didn’t notice, he was wearing a pair of glittering stiletto ankle boots and could not walk in them. He wore them for effect, not because that’s Joshua. Fabio wears skirts and dresses and you don’t really notice because it’s clearly Fabio’s style.

And Joshua refusing any hugs? You’ve spent weeks with these people and formed not one bond that might make you want to hug them Goodbye?

Again … Bye Felicia.

The Tents: Stanley, Anthony, and Fabio; Ken is faltering; Helen is …Helen. Edmond is hot … but not quite Tent ready yet.

What did YOU think?