Thursday, November 28, 2024

Thank.Full.

I first posted a version of this back in Ott-Eight, a few days after I started this here blog thing … cripes, I’ve been doing this sixteen years … and have edited it, as need be, and reposted it every year to remind me of where I was then, what I thought then, and what I wanted out of life. And every year as I repost it, I realize that the more things change the more they stay the same.

Now, not to brag, but I've been told that I am an extremely polite person. I was raised on Please and Thank  You, Yes Ma'am, No Sir, and I still act that way today.

True story: I was selected for jury duty when we lived in Miami and when it was my turn to be questioned, I stood up in the very narrow aisle and put my hands behind my back. As I was questioned, I replied Yes sir and No Sir. The judge stopped and smiled.

"Are you in the military?" he asked.

"No, sir" I said. "I was raised by a military man and a Southern woman."

True story: A few years before that, while living in California, I was in a grocery store buying a birthday cake for a coworker. I asked if I may please order a cake. May I please have a name iced onto it? I ‘Pleased’ and ‘Thank you'd’ my way through the entire process and finally as the girl was leaving to finish my order, she turned and said, “I think you are the politest person I've ever waited on."

I smiled and said, "Could you just shut up, please, and ice my damn cake!"

When all else fails I slip into sarcasm. That's my motto, and I’m thankful for that, too, but I digress.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, probably because there are no gifts involved, except for the gift of time and good food and drink; time spent with loved ones and friends; the gift of thanks. A day of thanks; a truly American holiday, like 4th of July, but one we celebrate not with picnics and beer, firecrackers and sparklers, but with a meal shared with friends and family, and pets, always the pets.

I have so much to be thankful for again this year. Yes, the usual family and friends and health and happiness, blah blah blah, everyone says that, but this year, with the exception of another awful day in February … my least favorite month.

One of those bad days is nearly two years past, the day Tuxedo left us, and it still hits me every single day; but I am thankful for the many years with the Greatest Cat Ever, and his little buddy MaxGoldberg, who left us in 2022, and for Ozzo, that wee black dog that used to tear across the back yard with a four-foot tree branch in his mouth begging to play fetch.

And that bad February day this year when my father passed away. I was lucky—is lucky the right word—to be sitting at his side when he passed, just like I had done when my mother died in 2007; I felt them leave, felt that love, and was thankful for having them in my life all those years, and since then.

My father was a tough man who may not have expressed love openly often—though his last words to me were “I love you.”—but he did so when it was important.

The day I came out to him, he said, “You’re my son and I love you.”

The day I move to Miami to start this life with Carlos, he said, “Be happy. I love you.”

The day Carlos and I got married, he said, “I love you both.’

I am thankful for the time and the years and the memories.

I am thankful for this link around the world that I have found with bloggers, where I find people very different from myself, and people very much like myself, and we all co-exist peacefully. I still miss the glorious Anne Marie and her love for F-bombs and disdain for ABBA, something we shared, and I am grateful for the bloggers who still blog and the words and opinions and jokes and Candy Shop photos they share.

As a gay man I know all too well that … cue PSA music … It Gets Better.

Twenty-four years ago, when we began this ride, Carlos and I couldn’t be legally married anywhere in America, and here we are now, married for nine years … in South Carolina of all places. I am thankful for that every day and will fight to the death anyone who thinks our marriage can somehow be erased. Carlos and I are husband and husband and that’s how it will stay. That bell cannot be unrung, no matter who says what. No matter who sits on the Supreme Court.

Trust. And be thankful.

I am thankful for the years I had with my sister—I miss her every single day—because of the things she taught me and continues to teach me. I am grateful to her four daughters, all of whom she raised so well that when Carlos and I told them we were getting married, they all responded, “Now he really is our Uncle.”

I am thankful to my Mom, especially today. Thanksgiving was her holiday; cooking for her family was my mother’s greatest joy and a great gift to all of us. I am thankful that I can keep that tradition alive and can see my Mom in myself as Carlos and I cook dinner for our friends. I am thankful for her kindness, even to those who were unkind to her; I am grateful for her laughter, which I can still hear in my head, and the way she would say, ‘Bye-bye, sweetie, I love you,’ as we ended a phone call.

I am thankful for icy cold mornings and clear blue skies … colored leaves falling. I am thankful for Consuelo and Rosita because, well, I'm bigger than them and I will always beat them ... just channeling a little Joan Crawford and Christina at the pool.

I am thankful for Carlos. Every.Single.Day. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how lucky I am to have him; even the days when he makes me insane … more insane. I realize I’d rather be driven nuts by him for a moment than not to have him in my life at all. I am thankful for the smirk he gives me; I am thankful for the look of horror on his face when I bust out a showtune; I am just plain thankful. I don’t know where I’d be, or who I’d be, if I hadn’t met him all those years ago.

I am thankful for music and pets and soft blankets and breathing and speaking, and having a voice to use, and use often. I realize we are still facing a tough time in this country; we are still facing division; we are still seeing our Black and Brown brothers and sisters killed by police, and self-entitled crybaby vigilantes; we are still seeing our trans brothers and sisters murdered; we still see hate; we are seeing hatred towards refugees fleeing their homeland to come to a country built by immigrants and slaves.

But I remain hopeful, hope filled, and thankful, that this country, most of this country, will once again stand against that hate and divisiveness; I am thankful that we will stand for one another and not against one another; that we will stand up to those who hate; speak out against those who use fear to intimidate others; resist those who are untruthful. I am thankful that more people are standing up for those who may not feel like anyone would ever stand for them.

I am thankful for being woke. Yes, I am thankful for that … and thinking being feeling loving breathing laughing crying living and speaking.

For Life … and all it encompasses.

To Life.

Thanks.

PS We are celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow with chosen family members and friends and then I'm taking the weekend off. 

Have a thankful day and I'll see y'all on Monday.

67 comments:

  1. I am thankful for you and Carlos, and your wit, wisdom, and snark. And I love this annually updated post. I don’t think either of my parents ever said unsolicited “I love you.” My father, never. My mother in her later years said “I love you, too” in response to my “I love you.” You have been blessed.

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    1. I was very lucky in that sense ... I should repost HOW I learned to say I love you from my sister!

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  2. What a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes. I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving with your husband and friends, and especially your animals.
    p.s: There can never be too many pleases and thank yous.

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    1. I agree about Please and Thank you; they can make any situation better.

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  3. This is a very sweet post, thank you.

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  4. I've read this post many times over the years and ya get me every time! Happy Thanksgiving mate!

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  5. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Carlos my dears! Im thankful for having you and your blog to provide laughs and sanity!!!

    🦃 🦃 🦃

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    1. Sanity????? What???? 😁😁😁
      Happy Thanksgiving, Maddie!

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  6. Anonymous5:51 AM

    Happy Thanksgiving, babes!

    XoXo

    Sixpence

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    Replies
    1. Right back atcha! 🦃🙏🏼🦃
      xoxo

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  7. "No, sir" I said. "I was raised by a military man and a Southern woman." This seems so loaded, a southern woman?

    I am so impressed how your father expressed his love for you and I hope you mother did too.

    I stand fairly accused of being described as woke, and I happily wear that title.

    Enjoy your break.

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    1. By Southern woman, I meant a woman who raised us with manners and respect for authority, like a military father.

      My mother was equally as loving, but sometimes it's the d=fathers who have trouble with a gay son.

      Not being woke is being unaware and unaliv e.

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  8. For a naturally curmudgeonly guy liable to protest about wrongfulness and stupidity at the drop of a hat, this was a lovely, heartfelt declaration of sweet thankfulness. I love that you are thankful for being "woke". I like to think that I am "woke" too. To other visitors to this blog I say, "Sing if you're glad to be woke!"

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  9. Happy Thanksgiving Bob and Carlos!

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    1. Happy Happy to you and Gregg, too!

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  10. This is beautiful! Happy Thanksgiving!

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  11. aussieguy8:43 AM

    Don't get too stuffed! I am extremely thankful for the effort you put into sharing with us all year long!

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    1. Thanks Aussie ... we're holding dinner off until tomorrow for Friendsgiving!

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  12. Happy Thanksgiving to you both. Enjoy your day with your chosen family and friends.

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    1. Thanks! We are in the midst of preparing the food right now!

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  13. Anonymous9:01 AM

    Happy Thanksgiving Guys!!!!

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  14. Thank you Bob for this post. It brought tears to my eyes and helped remind me what is important in life. Happy Thanksgiving.

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    1. Glad to do it, Michael. You all have a nice Thanksgiving, too!

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  15. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Carlos! This is a beautiful post, Bob!

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  16. And just like that, this post melted my cold heart. Happy stolen land day dear friend.

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    1. Happy Stolen Land/Friendsgiving Day to you as well, ma'am!

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  17. krayolakris9:44 AM

    I’m so grateful for your blog, and for Carlos for providing content. I can’t say how many years I’ve been a follower…a lot…and am grateful for others I’ve connected with because of it. Proud to claim my wokeness. Love to you all.

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  18. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Carlos! Enjoy your weekend!

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    Replies
    1. It'll be a nice loooong weekend too!

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  19. Beautiful post. I needed that. All the best to you and Carlos!

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  20. Anonymous10:37 AM

    the dog's mother
    xoxo :-)

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  21. Cleora Borealis10:57 AM

    I'm thankful for you, your family of both human and animal critters, and your stories. I'm also thankful for your comments section giving us a chance to share without judgment...well, OK, there's a little judgment, but always with love in the heart, a twinkle in the eye, and a tongue in the cheek! 😘

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    1. I enjoy some judgement an y way I can get it!

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  22. Anonymous11:07 AM

    HuntleyBiGuy:
    You bring so much joy to my day with your charm, wit, and humor. Thank you for sharing it and giving us a little insight to your family. Your parents done right in raising you. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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    1. Thank you! You have a good holiday, too!

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  23. My favorite holiday as well, for similar reasons. I'm not gushing with thanksgiving this year. I am just exhausted, tired, and perhaps despondent. I'm not even cooking a turkey (well I am bringing veggies and desert). My list of things I am thankful for is internal right now; I am no less thankful, just not needing to tell the world. Enjoy the day.

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    1. Thankfulness is good wherever you find it!

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  24. I am 👀, I am old, and I love our Saturday's together ... the rest of the days are good, too!
    Enjoy the rest of this week however you can! Hugs to you and Carlos and a special treat to beautiful Consuela and Rosita!

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  25. I too am thankful for all your do here. OXOX

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  26. Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for you as a blogger…

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  27. I am thankful for you, sweetpea! You've made me smile, laugh, and joined me (metaphorically speaking) when tears flowed. I am grateful. xoxo

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    1. Right back atcha, ma'am!
      xoxo

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  28. Anonymous4:51 PM

    Remember to lace your desserts whether they be pies, cakes or ice cream with liquor ! It makes for a better Thanksgiving. :)
    Bob and Carlos hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving 🦃 🍂-Rj

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  29. Barbara Anne10:01 AM

    Like you wrote, Amen.

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  30. What a lovely message. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Nothing can ever break the bond between you and Carlos.

    Love,
    Janie

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  31. I believe I've gone to spam because I know I commented here.

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    Replies
    1. I strolled through Spam and there you were!!

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    2. Thanks. It was cold and dark in there.

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  32. Amen, and thank you for being there.

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