I first posted a version of this back in Ott-Eight, a
few days after I started this here blog thing … cripes, I’ve been doing this sixteen
years … and have edited it, as need be, and reposted it every year to remind me
of where I was then, what I thought then, and what I wanted out of life. And
every year as I repost it, I realize that the more things change the more they
stay the same.
Now, not to brag, but I've been told that I am an extremely
polite person. I was raised on Please and Thank You, Yes
Ma'am, No Sir, and I still act that way today.
True story: I was selected for jury duty when we lived in
Miami and when it was my turn to be questioned, I stood up in the very narrow
aisle and put my hands behind my back. As I was questioned, I replied Yes
sir and No Sir. The judge stopped and smiled.
"Are you in the military?" he asked.
"No, sir" I said. "I was raised by a military
man and a Southern woman."
True story: A few years before that, while living in
California, I was in a grocery store buying a birthday cake for a coworker. I
asked if I may please order a cake. May I please have a name iced onto it? I
‘Pleased’ and ‘Thank you'd’ my way through the entire process and finally as
the girl was leaving to finish my order, she turned and said, “I think you are
the politest person I've ever waited on."
I smiled and said, "Could you just shut up, please, and
ice my damn cake!"
When all else fails I slip into sarcasm. That's my motto,
and I’m thankful for that, too, but I digress.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, probably because there
are no gifts involved, except for the gift of time and good food and drink;
time spent with loved ones and friends; the gift of thanks. A day of thanks; a
truly American holiday, like 4th of July, but one we celebrate not with
picnics and beer, firecrackers and sparklers, but with a meal shared with
friends and family, and pets, always the pets.
I have so much to be thankful for again this year. Yes, the
usual family and friends and health and happiness, blah blah blah, everyone
says that, but this year, with the exception of another awful day in February …
my least favorite month.
One of those bad days is nearly two years past, the day
Tuxedo left us, and it still hits me every single day; but I am thankful
for the many years with the Greatest Cat Ever, and his little buddy
MaxGoldberg, who left us in 2022, and for Ozzo, that wee black dog that used to
tear across the back yard with a four-foot tree branch in his mouth begging to
play fetch.
And that bad February day this year when my father passed
away. I was lucky—is lucky the right word—to be sitting at his side when he
passed, just like I had done when my mother died in 2007; I felt them leave,
felt that love, and was thankful for having them in my life all those years, and
since then.
My father was a tough man who may not have expressed love
openly often—though his last words to me were “I love you.”—but he did so when
it was important.
The day I came out to him, he said, “You’re my son and I
love you.”
The day I move to Miami to start this life with Carlos, he
said, “Be happy. I love you.”
The day Carlos and I got married, he said, “I love you both.’
I am thankful for the time and the years and the memories.
I am thankful for this link around the world that I have
found with bloggers, where I find people very different from myself, and people
very much like myself, and we all co-exist peacefully. I still miss the
glorious Anne Marie and her love for F-bombs and disdain for ABBA, something we
shared, and I am grateful for the bloggers who still blog and the words and
opinions and jokes and Candy Shop photos they share.
As a gay man I know all too well that … cue PSA music … It
Gets Better.
Twenty-four years ago, when we began this ride, Carlos and I
couldn’t be legally married anywhere in America, and here we are now, married
for nine years … in South Carolina of all places. I am
thankful for that every day and will fight to the death anyone who thinks our
marriage can somehow be erased. Carlos and I are husband and husband and
that’s how it will stay. That bell cannot be unrung, no matter who says what.
No matter who sits on the Supreme Court.
Trust. And be thankful.
I am thankful for the years I had with my sister—I miss her
every single day—because of the things she taught me and continues to teach me.
I am grateful to her four daughters, all of whom she raised so well that when
Carlos and I told them we were getting married, they all responded, “Now
he really is our Uncle.”
I am thankful to my Mom, especially today. Thanksgiving was
her holiday; cooking for her family was my mother’s greatest joy and a great
gift to all of us. I am thankful that I can keep that tradition alive and can
see my Mom in myself as Carlos and I cook dinner for our friends. I am thankful
for her kindness, even to those who were unkind to her; I am grateful for her
laughter, which I can still hear in my head, and the way she would say, ‘Bye-bye,
sweetie, I love you,’ as we ended a phone call.
I am thankful for icy cold mornings and clear blue skies …
colored leaves falling. I am thankful for Consuelo and Rosita because,
well, I'm bigger than them and I will always beat them ... just channeling a
little Joan Crawford and Christina at the pool.
I am thankful for Carlos. Every.Single.Day. There isn’t a
day that goes by that I don’t think about how lucky I am to have him; even the
days when he makes me insane … more insane. I realize I’d
rather be driven nuts by him for a moment than not to have him in my life
at all. I am thankful for the smirk he gives me; I am thankful for
the look of horror on his face when I bust out a showtune; I am just plain
thankful. I don’t know where I’d be, or who I’d be, if I hadn’t met him all
those years ago.
I am thankful for music and pets and soft blankets and
breathing and speaking, and having a voice to use, and use often. I realize we
are still facing a tough time in this country; we are still facing division; we
are still seeing our Black and Brown brothers and sisters killed by police, and
self-entitled crybaby vigilantes; we are still seeing our trans brothers and
sisters murdered; we still see hate; we are seeing hatred towards refugees
fleeing their homeland to come to a country built by immigrants and slaves.
But I remain hopeful, hope filled, and thankful, that this
country, most of this country, will once again stand against that hate and
divisiveness; I am thankful that we will stand for one another
and not against one another; that we will stand up to those who hate; speak out
against those who use fear to intimidate others; resist those who are
untruthful. I am thankful that more people are standing up for those who
may not feel like anyone would ever stand for them.
I am thankful for being woke. Yes, I am thankful for
that … and thinking being feeling loving breathing laughing crying living and
speaking.
For Life … and all it encompasses.
To Life.
Thanks.
PS We are celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow with chosen
family members and friends and then I'm taking the weekend off.
Have a thankful day and I'll see y'all on Monday. |
I am thankful for you and Carlos, and your wit, wisdom, and snark. And I love this annually updated post. I don’t think either of my parents ever said unsolicited “I love you.” My father, never. My mother in her later years said “I love you, too” in response to my “I love you.” You have been blessed.
ReplyDeleteI was very lucky in that sense ... I should repost HOW I learned to say I love you from my sister!
DeleteWhat a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes. I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving with your husband and friends, and especially your animals.
ReplyDeletep.s: There can never be too many pleases and thank yous.
I agree about Please and Thank you; they can make any situation better.
DeleteThis is a very sweet post, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading!
DeleteI've read this post many times over the years and ya get me every time! Happy Thanksgiving mate!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving to you and Carlos my dears! Im thankful for having you and your blog to provide laughs and sanity!!!
ReplyDelete🦃 🦃 🦃
Sanity????? What???? 😁😁😁
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving, Maddie!
Happy Thanksgiving, babes!
ReplyDeleteXoXo
Sixpence
Right back atcha! 🦃🙏🏼🦃
Deletexoxo
"No, sir" I said. "I was raised by a military man and a Southern woman." This seems so loaded, a southern woman?
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed how your father expressed his love for you and I hope you mother did too.
I stand fairly accused of being described as woke, and I happily wear that title.
Enjoy your break.
By Southern woman, I meant a woman who raised us with manners and respect for authority, like a military father.
DeleteMy mother was equally as loving, but sometimes it's the d=fathers who have trouble with a gay son.
Not being woke is being unaware and unaliv e.
For a naturally curmudgeonly guy liable to protest about wrongfulness and stupidity at the drop of a hat, this was a lovely, heartfelt declaration of sweet thankfulness. I love that you are thankful for being "woke". I like to think that I am "woke" too. To other visitors to this blog I say, "Sing if you're glad to be woke!"
ReplyDeleteThanks Yorkshire!
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDelete🦃🦃🙏🏼🙏🏼
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving Bob and Carlos!
ReplyDeleteHappy Happy to you and Gregg, too!
DeleteThis is beautiful! Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteThanks Angie!
DeleteDon't get too stuffed! I am extremely thankful for the effort you put into sharing with us all year long!
ReplyDeleteThanks Aussie ... we're holding dinner off until tomorrow for Friendsgiving!
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving to you both. Enjoy your day with your chosen family and friends.
ReplyDeleteThanks! We are in the midst of preparing the food right now!
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving Guys!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteThank you Bob for this post. It brought tears to my eyes and helped remind me what is important in life. Happy Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteGlad to do it, Michael. You all have a nice Thanksgiving, too!
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving to you and Carlos! This is a beautiful post, Bob!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ellen!
DeleteAnd just like that, this post melted my cold heart. Happy stolen land day dear friend.
ReplyDeleteHappy Stolen Land/Friendsgiving Day to you as well, ma'am!
DeleteI’m so grateful for your blog, and for Carlos for providing content. I can’t say how many years I’ve been a follower…a lot…and am grateful for others I’ve connected with because of it. Proud to claim my wokeness. Love to you all.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving to you and Carlos! Enjoy your weekend!
ReplyDeleteIt'll be a nice loooong weekend too!
DeleteBeautiful post. I needed that. All the best to you and Carlos!
ReplyDeleteThanks Happyman!
Deletethe dog's mother
ReplyDeletexoxo :-)
💗 🦃🦃 💗
DeleteI'm thankful for you, your family of both human and animal critters, and your stories. I'm also thankful for your comments section giving us a chance to share without judgment...well, OK, there's a little judgment, but always with love in the heart, a twinkle in the eye, and a tongue in the cheek! 😘
ReplyDeleteI enjoy some judgement an y way I can get it!
DeleteHuntleyBiGuy:
ReplyDeleteYou bring so much joy to my day with your charm, wit, and humor. Thank you for sharing it and giving us a little insight to your family. Your parents done right in raising you. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Thank you! You have a good holiday, too!
DeleteMy favorite holiday as well, for similar reasons. I'm not gushing with thanksgiving this year. I am just exhausted, tired, and perhaps despondent. I'm not even cooking a turkey (well I am bringing veggies and desert). My list of things I am thankful for is internal right now; I am no less thankful, just not needing to tell the world. Enjoy the day.
ReplyDeleteThankfulness is good wherever you find it!
DeleteI am 👀, I am old, and I love our Saturday's together ... the rest of the days are good, too!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the rest of this week however you can! Hugs to you and Carlos and a special treat to beautiful Consuela and Rosita!
Thanks Marcia!
DeleteI too am thankful for all your do here. OXOX
ReplyDeleteThanks Doc!
DeleteHappy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for you as a blogger…
ReplyDeleteThanks! I appreciate that.
DeleteI am thankful for you, sweetpea! You've made me smile, laugh, and joined me (metaphorically speaking) when tears flowed. I am grateful. xoxo
ReplyDeleteRight back atcha, ma'am!
Deletexoxo
Remember to lace your desserts whether they be pies, cakes or ice cream with liquor ! It makes for a better Thanksgiving. :)
ReplyDeleteBob and Carlos hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving 🦃 🍂-Rj
Oh there will be booze!!!
DeleteLike you wrote, Amen.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteWhat a lovely message. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Nothing can ever break the bond between you and Carlos.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
💗💗💗
DeleteI believe I've gone to spam because I know I commented here.
ReplyDeleteI strolled through Spam and there you were!!
DeleteThanks. It was cold and dark in there.
DeleteAmen, and thank you for being there.
ReplyDelete🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Delete