It's Snarkurday!

Last week we learned that police were called by Dean McDermott to deal with a mental health situation involving his wife, Tori Spelling.  Tori had ALLEGEDLY been acting very aggressively—which some sources blame on her current situation as a stressed-the-hell-out mother of 5 with tons of unpaid bills … something she chose to do, remember.

And now this … shortly after Tori left for a doctor’s appointment with at least one of their kids, Dean called the police and asked them to check up on her; yes, because the police are paid to check up on Tori Spelling. But then Dean showed up at the office and was seen outside holding their son Beau while police spoke to Tori inside. The deputies ALLEGEDLY determined that Tori and her kids were okay, and since no crime had been committed, they left.

California tax dollars at work, checking on the spoiled wife of a has-been actor, who kept getting herself knocked up even though she and her husband have no real means of income other than selling their lives to reality TV.

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When all those ALLEGATIONS of being a giant perv were leveled at Bill Cosby, a lot of folks who know Cosby stayed silent; sure, Phylicia Rashad said Cosby was a sweetheart, and Rudy Huxtable, Keshia Knight Pulliam, stood up for TV daddy. But the rest of the ‘family’ stayed silent … until now.

It began when Zoe Kravitz, daughter of Lisa “Denise Huxtable” Bonet, claimed her mother was “disgusted and concerned” about the ALLEGATIONS, and now Lisa is talking for herself.

Bonet was asked during a recent interview if the ALLEGATIONS tainted her memories of her days on The Cosby Show and she said:

“No, it’s exactly as I remember it.”

She was then asked if she had any sense that Bill was creeping on women and she said:

“There was no knowledge on my part about his specific actions, but … there was just energy. And that type of sinister, shadow energy cannot be concealed … And if I had anything more to reveal then it would have happened a long time ago. That’s my nature. The truth will set you free.”

To be fair, Cosby and Bonet have always had a rough relationship; she was fired in 1991 from The Cosby Show due to “creative differences” and some are suggesting that this is her way of getting back at him; she disagrees:

“I don’t need to say, ‘I told you so.’ I just leave all that to karma and justice and what will be.”

I’m kinda hoping justice is more tangible…like dollars and cents to his victims and maybe some jail time because, sorry, fifty women can’t all be lying.

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There was a story last week that former Lois and Clark and Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher was homeless and living in a van.

True? Doubtful; but the rumors started when Hatcher put her Studio City house up for rent and began filming a web series called Van Therapy for her YouTube channel, Hatching Change where she invites random people into her van and gives them advice.

I guess it’s easy to make the leap? At least it was for Star magazine, but then Hatcher spoke to KTLA 5’s Sam Rubin from London, where she and her van are currently located, and said Star reached out to her publicist to inform them that they had pictures of Teri in her van at the beach and planned to run a story about her being homeless. The publicist assured them they were wrong, but Star went ahead and ran the story anyway.

Look, it might look like she’s homeless, but how many homeless people have a mansion they rent out? How many homeless people have the coins to have a van shipped to London so they can make YouTube videos?

Just sayin’.

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It’s not fun when your spouse cheats and you’re a famous actor, like, say, Colin Firth, and it’s not fun when the man your wife cheated with, is some kind of stalker.

Firth’s wife, Livia Giuggioli, has admitted to an affair with an old friend Marco Brancaccia for well over a year but says when the affair ended he began harassing her with “frightening” messages. Brancaccia is now being investigated by police in Rome.

This mess began back in 2015 when the Firths decided to separate, and Livia began seeing Marco; then the Firths decided to reunite and Brancaccia did not take kindly to the news. According to Spanish newspaper El País, Brancaccia ALLEGEDLY sent naked photos of Giuggioli to Firth and told her:

“If you end our relationship I will ruin your life.”

Brancaccia denies being a stalker, saying:

“We were romantically involved, she wanted to leave Colin for me … My ‘stalking’ consisted of two messages via WhatsApp after she ended our relationship in June 2016, and an e-mail. I wrote an e-mail to Colin about my relationship with Livia, which I now regret sending, and she filed a complaint against me for stalking out of fear that I could go public with what she had revealed to me about her marriage. In a year she sent me hundreds of messages of love, photos and videos, even a diary.”

I’ve a feeling we’ll soon be treated to Livia’s nudie pics and the reports of what she said about Firth during her year-long Ross-and-Rachel moment.

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Last year, as the #MeToo movement gathered steam, actor Terry Crews told a story of being groped by Adam Venit, a man who worked for Crews’ talent agency; at the time, Crews said he would follow up with charges against Venit.

Well, that criminal case against Venit has been rejected by both the Los Angeles City Attorney and the Los Angeles County District Attorney because, and this is where the law gets weird, the assault was deemed not to be a felony because it took place over the clothing and Venit had not restrained Terry.

I guess in order to commit felony groping you have to hold the man down and reach into, or under, his clothing. Good to know.

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Speaking of the #MeToo movement, last fall Kristina Cohen claimed that actor Ed Westwick raped her in his home when she went there with her then-boyfriend, Kaine Harling, for dinner in 2014. She says she grew tired during the meal—a meal in which Westwick suggested that they all have sex—and went to take a nap in a guest room. She was awakened by Westwick assaulting her and raping her.

A few days later, a second woman named Aurélie Wynn told her story about Westwick, claiming she was at his home for a party, became “mysteriously” tired, went to a guest room to lie down and was awakened by Westwick raping her.

Another week went by and a third woman, Rachel Eck, came forward. Eck was dating a producer, Cohen’s former boyfriend, Kaine Harling, and he invited her to a party at a hotel with just her, Kaine and Ed Westwick present. She repeatedly tried to leave, but Westwick kept grabbing her and trying to kiss her and touch her; no word on whether anything more happened.

After those ALLEGATIONS, Westwick’s TV projects were put on hold indefinitely and he issued a series of denials and now this … Westwick is at the center of a lawsuit—though not as a defendant—filed by Haley Camille Freedman who claims he held her hostage as a sex slave for 48 hours.

Freedman says she went to Westwick’s home with a group of people and stayed after everyone else left. She says she and Westwick began having sex, and he asked her to strangle him, slap him and spit on him; when she refused, he did those things to her. She claims she then fell asleep, and the next morning, while showering, Westwick became sexual with her again, against her will. She says she was “out of it” and stayed there for two days because she didn’t know where she was and didn’t have cell service.

But, Freedman is not suing Westwick; she is suing her former business partners whom she says cut her off because she wanted to go public with the allegations.

So, she claims a man held her prisoner, raped her repeatedly, and she wants to sue the people who told her to say nothing?

Um, okay … Look, the other stories about Westwick have the same kinds of ALLEGATIONS and those women aren’t looking for coins, just validation. This last woman, who suggests Westwick terrorized her, wants cash from everyone but Westwick.

Last fall, the LAPD opened at least one investigation into Westwick’s behavior so maybe there will be justice for some of these women.

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Meanwhile, back at Tori and Dean … on Friday night, Tori and Dean took their brood dinner at the Black Bear Diner in Tarzana.

Suddenly, several LAPD officers approached their table to talk to Dean, who was on his phone talking to someone, after watching the couple engage in “serious conversation” i.e. fighting. And so, the police remove the McDermott’s and their kids from the restaurant.

At home, Tori took to Instagram to say:

“I’m strong, I’m amazing, I’m beautiful, I’m wonderful, I’m worthy, I’m loved, I’m brave, I’m sweet, I’m happy, I’m me.”

Nothing to see there, but … there is a video of Tori and Dean being removed from the restaurant and Tori looks mighty pissed off.

I said it before, all this new drama might be just a press junket for their new realty show, Tori and Dean: Losers.

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Two weeks ago, an ALLEGEDLY drunk Heather Locklear was arrested for attacking police officers who’d been called to her home because she was ALLEGEDLY beating up her boyfriend, Chris Heisser. And now she’s going to court over her brutality against the police, charged with four counts of misdemeanor battery on an officer. Heather was originally arrested for hitting Heisser, but she won’t be charged for that attack. On top of threatening to shoot police officers if they returned to her house, Heather ALLEGEDLY shrieked at them:

“You fuckers deserve your kids to die, you fuckers deserve it.”

Heather then ALLEGEDLY told them she hopes no one burns their police department down.

Gosh, she’s a fun drunk.

Heather is in rehab right now hoping against hope the police and the District Attorney will take pity on a woman who gets drunk, betas up her boyfriend, attacks police officer, threatened them with a gun, threatened their children and threatened to start a fire.

Good luck with that, girl.

Sidenote: I will never tire of a heather Locklear mugshot.

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Gird your loins … Madonna’s making another movie.

I guess all those bombs have yet to convince her she can’t act or write or direct, and now MGM—who must have money to burn—has selected Madge to direct Taking Flight, a movie about Michaela DePrince, an orphan from Sierra Leone who became a world-class ballerina. But before that happened, Michaela’s father was killed during a civil war, and her mother died of fever a week later; her three brothers also died, and her uncle sent her to live in an orphanage.

Wow. It’s a comedy? But the story gets better … Michaela is adopted by an American family who encouraged her to pursue ballet. She went on to graduate from the American Ballet Theatre, make her debut at age 17 at a ballet in South Africa, appearing in Beyoncé’s Lemonade, and becoming a soloist at the Dutch National Ballet.

Of course, Madonna says she sees herself in Michaela:

“Michaela’s journey resonated with me deeply as both an artist and an activist who understands adversity ... I am honored to bring her story to life.”

The last film Madonna directed was W.E., about Wallis Simpson, that was a high-class disaster; then there was Swept Away, The Next Best thing, Evita, Dangerous Games, Body of Evidence, Desperately Seeking Susan, A League of Their Own, Dick Tracy … she has clearly proven that she cannot act or direct and yet here she comes again.

Fasten your seatbelts, it’s gonna be an ugly film.

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Are we tired yet of hearing about celebrities and the way they spend their money? I am looking at you, Babs, and your two cloned dogs.

But, not to be outdone … Oprah. Winfrey was on The Late Late Show this week and shared that she’s just your average girl who loves a bath. But this is Oprah and you just know it’s not an ordinary bath, but a bath in a tub hand-carved out of marble and onyx to fit to the shape of Oprah’s body. 

Cue world-wide onyx and marble shortage.

The only thing bigger than Oprah’s ass is her head.

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