It's Snarkurday!

The E! channel; what a mess.

Less than a week ago, Suzie Hardy went public with her claim that Ryan Seacrest Harvey Weinstein’d—yes, it’s a verb now—her over the course of several years while she worked for him. Seacrest denied it and his lawyers claim Hardy is in it for the extortion coins, but … she never asked for money, and she first went to Seacrest’s bosses at E! to handle it quietly. She only made her story public when E! covered Seacrest’s ass.

Well, this led to a series of “crisis meetings” between Seacrest and E! on how to handle the E! Oscar Red Carpet show, and this is how they’ll work it out. Rob Silverstein, executive producer of the syndicated entertainment-news show “Access” will prep his hosts Scott Evans and Kit Hoover to ask the celebrities about the #MeToo movement and the politics surrounding it …

“And then, we will ask them whether or not they will talk to Ryan Seacrest.”

So, basically E! is still covering Ryan’s ass and not letting celebrities who have issues with men like Seacrest to speak to him?

But this is how E! rolls; remember one of their hosts, Catt Sadler, quit the network after they refused to pay her as much, or commensurate to, Jason Kennedy, so covering Seacrest’s ass.

And then this… Aileen Gram Moreno, veteran female producer on E!’s red carpet programming, claims she was fired after she “allowed” celebrities like Debra Messing, Eva Longoria and others to trash E! on the Golden Globes red carpet show about the Catt Sadler situation.

E! If you’re a woman, you’re paid less; if you’re a man, rub your little dick on a woman and stand on the red carpet.

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Looks like Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are angling for a new realty show: Tori and Dean: Domestically Violent.

See, police were called twice to Tori and Dean’s house last week for two domestic incidents within 24 hours.

The first involved Tori mistaking Dean for a burglar as he came home late one night; so, she called the police. The second incident was just a few hours later but it seems that Tori had some kind of a “mental breakdown” as Dean told 911; it was later classified as a domestic violence incident and Tori was not arrested and, according to police, “didn’t meet the criteria to be held for mental evaluation.”

So, Dean came home late and Tori called police saying he was a thief in her house, and hours later Dean calls police to say his wife was very aggressive and going through some sort of mental breakdown.

I smell a reality show.

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Well, as it turns out, the Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux splitting story was a blip on the news cycle; oh, don’t get me wrong, they split, but it was news for a day and then it was fish wrap. So, how do the tabloids keep this story alive since people don’t really care about Poor Jen, Alone Again stories?

Dog custody. Yup; it seems like the once ALLEGEDLY happy couple are mostly fighting about their dogs and who gets them and when. Between them, the exes have four dogs: Dolly, a white shepherd mix, Clyde, a terrier, and Sophie, a pit bull mix, in LA, and Justin’s pit bull he keeps in NYC.

A source—and it’s probably Courtney Cox because what else has she got going on—says:

“They’ve always referred to them as their children, and it looks like Jen will keep the LA dogs with her and Justin will keep the pit bull in NYC. But it was the biggest bone of contention in the split. They’ve made an arrangement for visitation.”

Seriously. Dog custody is news?

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Lotsa folks think NBC is quietly erasing part of their deal with Megyn Kelly; the part that deals with her having a Sunday prime-time NBC News show.

Since her morning show is such a bust, it’s safe to assume America doesn’t wanna see her at night, so NBC will air Sunday Night With Megyn Kelly “periodically” this spring and summer. Meaning you probably won’t see it at all. Last summer, the news magazine was scheduled for a 10-week run but scrapped after a sharp drop in the ratings.

Poor NBC, they shelled out big bucks for Kelly and she’s barely worth nickels for the dollars they spent, and then add in the Matt Lauer mess and they are bleeding coins.

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This is a cute story … Gus Kenworthy and his boyfriend Matthew Wilkas went to an Oscar event and ran into Ricky Martin—hot again thanks to American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace—and his husband, Jwan Yosef. The four chatted a bit and then were separated in the crowds so Gus took out a Craigslist ‘Missed Connection’ ad that went like this:

“Living La Vida Lonely - m4m (LA, California)

Us: We were wearing black Ralph Lauren tuxedos, mine had little cowboys on it. You: You were also both wearing tuxedos because... well, because it was the Oscar's and everybody does. You and your husband stood out though. Partly because you're both gorgeous but also because you're literally @ricky_martin & @jwanyosef. The four of us chatted and laughed but then, sadly, got separated in the chaos of the Oscar's. My bf and I searched for you both for the rest of the night but never found you again. In town for a week. Let's connect."

And then this week, when Ricky Martin was on The Talk, Julie Chen read Gus’ ad to Ricky, who seemed more than willing to hook-up meet:

“Of course we’re going to connect! I mean, he’s a national hero. Give me a break. Are we flattered? Yes, we’re flattered.”

And then Gus Tweeted:

*clears schedule for the rest of the week*

I think Ricky’s getting the better deal; Gus is totally adorable and so it his boyfriend.

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The divorce is final, so what can Mel B do to keep herself in the news now?

Fight over visitation rights … Mel B claims her ex-husband Stephen Belafonte showed her three daughters—Phoenix, her daughter with Jimmy Gulzar; Angel, her daughter with Eddie Murphy; and Madison, their daughter—videos of ISIS beheading individuals:

“When I was not present, Stephen thought it was funny or educational (I still do not know) to play videos of ISIS beheading individuals. This was entirely inappropriate for such young girls, who do not understand what is happening in the videos. Angel has repeatedly told me about these videos and that she was scared and frightened that Stephen would expose her to such gruesome images.”

Mel wants to end Stephen’s visitation with Angel and says he has ALLEGEDLY been trying to get in touch with her by slipping his phone number into a teddy bear he told Madison to give to her. But, he ALLEGEDLY wants no contact with Phoenix, who says he played a video of ISIS beheading men during her 16th birthday trip. Phoenix said in a declaration:

“I never bonded with Stephen because he would call me names such as: ‘retarded’ and ‘stupid.’ He would do things which upset me … He would be very aggressive with Angel and Maddie if they broke the ‘rules,’ like talking when he was on the phone. He would just yell really up close to them.”

Okay, I get it, but why does Belafonte get any visitation with two of the kids who aren’t even his? And why does Mel B always pick jerks to get her pregnant?

Back in the day, when she says Eddie Murphy knocked her up, he refused to recognize Angel as his own until there was a paternity test; and even after, Eddie was not much of a father, so Stephen took over. Now, however, Eddie is all #TeamMel in stopping Belafonte form seeing his daughter.

Like I said, Mel B’s life is, and was, and probably will always be, a mess.

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Oh, Beyoncé and Jay-Z are fun, right?

It seems they hosted an Oscar party and shockingly didn’t try to cash in on it even though they are all about the coins. But, no, but they decided to mess with their guest’s heads by keeping the details weird and vague.

A source—and it Beyoncé, let’s be clear—says the Carters “wanted to mind-fuck everyone and keep everything mysterious and exclusive” about their party, which was held in the garage …the garage … of the Chateau Marmont in L.A.

Close friends didn’t know ahead of time if they were even invited, but once they knew they were going to a party, Bey and Jay made their arrival difficult as hell. Guests were sent up a hill past the hotel, through the kitchen and down a back entrance to the garage. There were no photographers and no red carpet … nobody mentioned Beyoncé or Jay-Z by name, but instead referred to them as simply “the host and hostess.” There was no performance by either Carter, the group of 200 guests simply mingled and relaxed with no press.

Really? We’re to believe Beyoncé and Jay-Z held a party, kept their names out of it, and didn’t take the stage and pass the hat?

Apparently, they enjoyed their secret party so much they wanna do it again next year, clearly unaware that once you announce you’re gonna do another secret party it’s really no longer a secret.

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You knew Barbra Streisand would be pissed about the dog cloning story, right? Well, there’s that, too.

Streisand is annoyed with both Variety and The New York Times which ran features on her that didn’t exactly rise to Babs’ precise standards. The issues that irked her have all been corrected in the online versions, but Babs still put out a “New Truth Alert” on her website BarbraStreisand.com.

Streisand says Variety misquoted her and made it sound like she didn’t really want the role of Fanny Brice in Funny Girl! which is scandalous:

“I fought hard for that part! How could they make that mistake? I loved the character of Fanny Brice (they even misspelled her name Franny)”

Even worse:

“Also, they originally said I had an awards room. I have a den where if you look in the doorway, you don’t see any awards! They’re hidden in the corners.”

Damn you Variety. Still, their blunders are nothing compared to what The New York Times did when they ran a photo of Miss Violet and Miss Scarlet, the two clones of Barbra’s beloved Coton de Tulear Sammie in a feature titled Barbra Streisand Explains: Why I Cloned My Dog.

“P.S. Even though the New York Times didn’t change a word I wrote about my beloved Samantha, I was disappointed that they did change the picture I sent. It was cut in half in the actual Sunday paper (I guess for space purposes), but it destroyed the intent and specialness of the full picture that was shown online. The point is, my little girls were looking at their mother pictured on her tombstone! It’s an amazing photo, taken by my longtime and dear assistant, Renata.”

Yup, Babs is annoyed that the NYT cropped out the headstone shot of the cloned doggies “mother.”

Seriously.

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Last week we talked Heather Locklear’s latest arrest for beating up her boyfriend, and now there’s a bit more to the story … a gun.

It seems that police showed up at Heather’s house again with a search warrant to retrieve a gun because, if you remember, .as Heather was being arrested, she ALLEGEDLY struck three police officers and then told them:

“If you ever come back to my house I will shoot you.”

And so the police raided Heather’s home looking for a handgun that was registered in Heather’s name, and that she has owned since 1985, but they found no gun.

Luckily, for now, there is no threat of heather using that gun on anyone as she is currently in a medical treatment facility … again.

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