It's Snarkurday!

Will Smith and his beard wife Jada Pinkett Smith must be r-i-i-i-i-ich, and they must have really dumb friends, because the Smith’s just gave Tyrese $5 million to stay off social media.

With Tyrese is in a custody fight with his ex-wife, Norma Mitchell Gibson, who has temporary custody of Shayla, and a temporary restraining order against Tyrese based on alleged abuse, he decided to take his angst to the interwebz to whine and kvetch about being broke; and this was while he was paying huge fees to have banners flown over his daughter’s school as a way to “talk” to her; and then he even goes on Instagram to flaunt his extravagant lifestyle, jetting here and there, while, again, crying broke. He even went on a Tweet frenzy worth of a child-like fat bastard president.

Enter Will and Jada and their Hush Fund; a pay-off to keep him quiet so maybe a judge will find him worthy of joint custody of his child.

Note to the Smith’s: I’ll take $5,000 to stay off Twitter. Just sayin’.

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Oh, this could have gone so wrong, but Martha Stewart has finally been reunited with her favorite pie dish.

It seems that last month, the Domestic Diva was featured in a magazine article about her first New York apartment, which is now owned by Tom D’Agostino, who was married to Real Housewives of New York’s Luann de Lesseps for about seven minutes last summer.

In the magazine piece, Stewart makes a note of the fact that she brought an apple pie to the shoot in her very favorite pie dish and the dish was ::::gasp:::: never returned. Did D’Agostino steal it? Was he trying to lure Luann back to the marital bed with the promise of pie? That can’t be true because about a half minute after divorcing Luann, D’Agostino married one of her friends.

Tom and his people—sheesh ... everyone has ‘people’ ... I need ‘people’—then said they tried to return the dish and added, snarkily, that it was just a cheap Pyrex number anyway.

Really? Martha Freaking Stewart brings a pie in Pyrex? Bitch, please.

Luckily, before she unleashed the hounds on him, D’Agostino found the missing pie dish, and gave it to his doorman who passed it along to a Stewart minion.

Just in time for cobblers at Thanksgiving.  A bullet dodged.

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I like Chris Rock and I like politically incorrect humor, but it can cross a line especially when it’s a wee bit too soon for the joke and even more so when the jokes don’t land.

Apparently Rock tried out some new material about sexual harassment at the Comedy Cellar last week, and the women in the audience weren’t happy because he joked that he won’t hire women anymore because he would need a crew of witnesses around him at all times so he wouldn’t be accused of rape.

Yeah, rich Hollywood men raping women is not exactly fun times, Chris, who also added:

“They cry rape because they want money.”

As people booed and left the club, Rock asked his friend, Jeff Ross, who was waiting to go up for some new material; Ross yelled:

“Talk about growing up in Brooklyn.”

But Rock kept going back to sexual harassment. He left the stage after twenty minutes to near silence from the audience. Jeff Ross then got a laugh with:

“Now that we got that Chris Rock kid out of the way ...”

Note to Chris: rape isn’t funny.

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The only person who likes Taylor Swift more than Taylor Swift is her lawyers because they make bank with all her lawsuits. And recently TayTay put her team of shysters, er, lawyers to work going after a writer who wrote some things about Swifty that hurt her Hello Kitty Feelings™. The writer, a blogger actually, wrote that Taylor didn’t like her popularity in the white supremacy community, but, you know, there’s a thing called Free Speech and it even applies to juvenile pop stars.

It all began when the writer, Meghan Herning, posted ... “Swiftly to the alt-right: Taylor subtly gets the lower case kkk in formation” ... on the left-leaning blog PopFront. The post was about Swifty’s ever-increasing popularity with white supremacists and neo-Nazis, and Meghan wrote that Taylor’s recent single Look What You Made Me Do has served as a “subtle, quiet white support of a racial hierarchy.”

It seems the alt-righters are loving the idea of white girl—Taylor Swift—getting revenge on a black man—Kanye West—who did her wrong, and so in her post Meghan called for Taylor to speak up and denounce her white supremacist fan base.

At first, Taylor had her minions send a strongly-worded letter to the white supremacy community informing them that she isn’t their pin-up poster gal for hate; I don’t know why she didn’t just turn the letter into a song and make some coins while she was at it, I mean that’s what she does, right? But that letter didn’t work so now TayTay and her lawyers are going after Meghan Herning in a letter stating that the story was “provably false and defamatory,” and accusing Meghan of attacking Taylor Swift ... of all people:

“It appears to be a malicious attack against Ms. Swift that goes to great lengths to portray Ms. Swift as some sort of white supremacist figurehead, which is a baseless fiction masquerading as fact and completely misrepresents Ms. Swift.”

The letter also defends Swifty’s decision to say nothing about being the poster gal of Neo-Nazis everywhere and to keep her political affiliations to herself. And so, Meghan shared the letter with the ACLU, who feel that what Meghan wrote is political commentary that falls under the protection of the First Amendment and they say—and they actually quoted one of Swifty’s songs—that TayTay needs to “shake it off,” put her big girl panties on, turn her drama into a badly written, poorly sung song that her fans, on the left and the alt-right can tap their toe to.

Amirite?

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Well, yet another parent has claimed that Kevin Spacey got her 18-year-old son drunk and sexually assaulted him. It happened in Nantucket, and now there is an open investigation into Kevin Spacey.

And, like Harvey Weinstein, Spacey is being punished monetarily, though not yet criminally.

First Netflix canceled House of Cards, and now Sony has announced that they were pulling out of their AFI Fest premiere of All the Money In the World in which Spacey has a smallish but significant role. Even worse, though, is now the director of that film, Ridley Scott, is completely editing Spacey out of the finished film and recasting the role. The film was due out next month, but now the reshoots and the Kutting of Kevin will push back its release date.

Christopher Plummer will now play the role of J Paul Getty in the film, and work is expected to go so fast that it will still be released at the end of December, in time for Oscar consideration.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Plummer won for his reshoot of Spacey’s role? Just sayin’.

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The May-December-Of-The-Following-Year romance between thirty-something Katharine McPhee and nearly-seventy-something David Foster may be less than it appears.

A friend—and who needs friends like this—says it’s all about:

“Publicity. They are using each other.”

Could be true, because the, ahem, “love birds” recently sat courtside at a Lakers game and were sure to be photographed smiling and gazing into each other’s eyes. But the source says Foster knows nothing about sports and has never attended a Lakers’ game until that night with his “girlfriend.”

The next night, the “couple” went to Craig’s in Beverly Hills, a paparazzi-magnet restaurant, where they were photographed again.

And since Foster has been working since 2008 on a musical about the iconic cartoon character Betty Boop, with a part that would be perfect for McPhee, maybe it is all publicity; especially given that Foster’s daughter Erin Instagrammed a photo of the couple with the tagline:

“Excited about my new step mom.”

A story McPhee calls a joke. Uh huh. Or just a way to keep yourself in the public eye so when you go to Broadway people won’t say, “Katharine, who?”

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Weinstein. Spacey. Louis CK. Ed Westwick. All accused of sexual harassment, assault or even rape. And now we have another name to add to the list: Mariah Carey.

No, not Victim Mimi, but Predator Mimi, because one of her former security guards has coughed up a lawsuit containing some messy allegations.

Michael Anello’s security company was employed by Mariah from June 2015 to May 2017 and, according to the lawsuit, Michael claims Mariah stiffed him on money, sexually harassed him, and said some racist things.

First the money, Michael claims that Mariah owes his company $221,329.51 in unpaid invoices; he also says Mimi promised him two more years of work worth $511,000, for a total of $732,329.51.

But the juicy bits are in the harassment claims; Michael, who is white, says Carey often referred to him and a colleague as Nazis, skinheads, and KKK members, and made it known she wanted to be surrounded by “black guys” and not white people. Michael also accuses Mariah of performing “sexual acts” with the intent they be seen by him, and that during a trip to Mexico, Mimi asked him to come to her room and move some luggage. When he arrived, Mimi’s LadyBits were on display in a see-through negligee that was open in the front. As he tried to leave, she demanded he stay and move her luggage, but he left and says there was no physical contact.

Mariah’s people say they’re working with his lawyer to pay some of the outstanding invoices, but Anello’s not happy with their offer and so maybe that’s why he coughed up the sexual harassment claims.

I don’t know about you but I’d be annoyed that she asked her security team to move her luggage; I mean, wasn’t there a bellhop or a much younger boyfriend to do the heavy lifting?

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Last Summer, when Universal released its reboot of The Mummy starring Tom Cruise, they had planned to create their own Marvel-style Dark Universe franchise full of rebooted classic horror films. But, you know, The Mummy tanked worse than a Tom Cruise marriage and the plan was scrubbed.

Still, Tom wants some kind of horror film franchise and it’s been suggested—perhaps by me—that he do a Scientology Trilogy cuz nothing is scarier that that abortion-coercing, money laundering, child abusing cult.

Just sayin’.

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