It's Snarkurday!

Last week Andy Cohen was cornered by a paparazzi who asked about Kathy Griffin’s newfound loathing of former BFF Anderson Cooper because he found her ugly display of _____’s bloody head childish and stupid and so now she hates him. But Cohen got the laugh because, when he was asked if he’d spoken to Kathy Griffin about her now lost New Year’s Eve gig, he served up some shade by saying:

“Who?”

Griffin, who recently called her ex-bestie a “spineless heiress” then went after Cohen on Twitter and the people who couldn’t believe Cohen said anything:

“Even when it's on tape, there are doubters? He is NOT kidding w paps. Was my boss for 10 years. Treated me like a dog. Deeply misogynistic”

Seriously. Kathy Griffin is supposed to be a comic who dishes and dogs and badmouths anyone, but she can clearly not handle the heat. Sit down, D-lister.

But, and I love this, Andy Cohen responded to Griffin’s next tirade that he is a coke monster by taking the high ground, right after taking the low road and calling Griffin a “bag of bull sh*t”:

“All I have to say about the mishegas of this weekend, and I only have one thing to say about this bag of bulls—t … it’s so funny, because I was ... standing there all that time waiting for the elevator, and that’s why it kept going on and on — and I didn’t really know how to pivot in the conversation. Like, ‘What, what, I don’t know!’ So I failed my Mariah impression. “So I didn’t land that ‘I don’t know her,’ but can I ask you a question? If you were a comedian and someone said, ‘I don’t know you,’ and it was obvious, like, aren’t there much more important things? How offensive is that in the galaxy?”

It’s offensive to a D-lister trying to stay afloat because it keeps her name in the media.

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Well, it’s been four loooong weeks since Kim Cattrall announced she was saving the world from a second bad sequel to Sex and the City and while most members of the cast were, at first, pissed about losing that paycheck, they’ve mostly moved on ... except Kristin Davis.

After hosting the 2017 Princess Grace Awards Gala last week and having E! News ask about the end of SATC, Kristin took to Instagram to write all about it:

“I’m just grateful. I know my co-stars are grateful as well that we have the fan support, that we have each other, that we love each other. We still…maybe we’ll figure out something to do, I don’t know, it would be great.”

Seriously, Kristin? Stop already, it’s a dead horse in Manolos and no one wants to see that. You’d be better off trying to score a Lifetime reboot of Melrose Place.

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Go figure ... the Queen of Burlesque, Dita Von Teese, was banned by the Bishop of New York from performing at Bette Midler’s Hulaween Gala last weekend.

Midler had invited Von Teese to perform at the party, which took place at The Cathedral Church of Saint John the Divine, but The Right Reverend Andrew M L Dietsche, the Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of New York, was not pleased at all and ordered that Von Teese not be allowed to perform inside his Cathedral Church.

The website says it’s a “house of prayer for all people and a unifying center of intellectual light and leadership” but it’s also an event space which can be rented for events ... that don’t offend priests; Priests? Really? I bet a good many of them are dressed like Von Teese under their robes.

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Well, once hot actor, 62-year-old actor Christopher McDonald was arrested in Lake Arrowhead recently after he drove his silver Porsche off the highway, crashed into a gas meter at a supermarket, and ended up in an embankment.  And when police arrived, a witness claimed McDonald informed them he was in Happy Gilmore.

Yes, he was so drunk he thought if he name-dropped a crappy movie he’d be let go, and maybe it worked ... police took him to a nearby jail, where he slept it off and was released without bail.

Keep that in mind if you run off the road while drunk ... Happy Gilmore may get you off.

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Tyrese was performing in concert recently and decided to dedicate a song to his 10-year-old daughter Shayla.

Clearly, he opted for the musical love note to his daughter because right now he and his ex-wife, Norma Gibson, are fighting over custody of Shayla. Norma has a temporary restraining order for herself and Shayla against Tyrese, but a judge granted Tyrese a 6-hour court-monitored visit with his daughter.

I’m thinking, though, that when the judge gets wind of his love song to his daughter, he might wanna rethink the visitation, because the song Tyrese chose to bond with his child was Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On.

Apparently he’s taken a page from the Woody Allen book on fatherhood?

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This is rich ... last week Real Housewives of New Jersey’s table-flipping-convicted-felon-ex-con Teresa Giudice took part in a Real Housewives panel discussion—yes, that’s a real thing ... for morons with nothing better to do—and took a shot at Modern Family actress Sofia Vergara.

Teresa told a story ... emphasis on “story” ... about how she took a photo with Sofia at an event, and Sofia stepped in front of her ... a Real Housewife ... to “steal the spotlight.” And since felons rarely forget the sins, real and mostly imagined, committed against them, Teresa hasn’t forgotten ... and says Sofia complained about having to pose with Teresa. Hell, I’d complain to anyone and everyone if it was suggested I share the spotlight with Teresa Giudice:

“We’re in the green room and my publicist from Bravo was like, ‘You’re going to run into Sofia so you’re going to take pictures together.’ ‘Alright, that’s fine.’ I never ask for a picture because I’m so not like that. I don’t care. She didn’t want to take a picture. And I was just like… ‘I didn’t even do anything.’ And I was so mad at myself because I was like, ‘Bitch, I don’t even want to take a picture with you!’”

Says a media whore who sold herself and her husband’s criminal activity for a few coins from Bravo.

Afterward, Giudice’s makeup artist Priscilla DiStasio—most often seen putting lipstick on the pig—says she overheard Vergara ALLEGEDLY say “Why’d you make me take a picture with that woman?”

And, naturally, it got Teresa Two-Head—I mean  that clearly isn’t a forehead up there—to just go off, about Sofia being an immigrant and so she should treat people better:

“I was disappointed and hurt in the way she treated me ... I found it to be very rude and condescending given the fact that I had just met her, and I wasn’t the one asking for the photo. I figured that because we both shared very humble upbringings with families that emigrated to this country, she would have had more humility. I can’t stand her, sorry. I hate to say that, because I’m Italian, she’s Colombian. She has an accent, she has more of an accent than me. You would think that she would be nice—she’s an immigrant!”

Don’t you love it when a media-whoring-reality-hag who spent a year in prison for dozens of counts of bank, mail, wire, and bankruptcy fraud takes the moral high ground and tries to give etiquette lessons to immigrants?

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Kellan Lutz, of Twilight fame[?], recently gave an interview and discussed why he will not appear nude on film. Clearly, as you can see, Kellan has quite the, um, body of for work, but you won’t see him nekkid on the big screen ... and he’s blaming it on the fiancee:

“God gave me this body. He gave me the genetics. He gave me the ability to work out. He gave me the drive to do what I do, so I’m going to do it until he takes me out of it. And I also have boundaries for myself and my fiancée. I have dated actresses. Seeing them making out with other guys or sex scenes, it kills my heart. And if that makes you a brilliant actor and win awards—I don’t want awards.”

Well, I’m thinking he won’t ever have to worry about that but Kellan goes on to say that he is so adamant about not winning awards, he had his agent put it in his contract:

“I have a nudity clause. I just don’t think nudity needs to happen. For me, I don’t need to walk out of a shower showing my ass.”

Oh, Kellan, you’re not Daniel Day Lewis, who would probably go nude if the script called for it, and you do have a beautiful body, and. maybe, just maybe, you could have had Channing Tatum’s career if you bared your bum; I mean, it hasn’t hurt him, has it?

And seriously, since the first credit that pops up when your name appears in an article is a film franchise that ended in 2011, you might wanna reconsider.

If only for my sake?

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