Why Is It ...

… that my favorite childhood memory is my back not hurting?

… that I want to make ice cubes from hotdog water and serve it to my guests to get them to leave?

… that when I say I'll be there in 10 minutes, you should just know that I will not be there in 10 minutes?

… that people freak out when I say that I don’t Snapchat or TikTok or Instagram, but no one cares that I can write in cursive, do math without a calculator and tell time on a clock with hands?

… that I keep telling myself not to talk to weirdoes before realizing that if that happened I would have no friends left?

… that seeing people walk out of my life makes me sad … but only because I wish they would run?

… that my Life Coach just told me that I didn’t make the team?

… that I’m not as mean as I could be and am annoyed that people aren’t more grateful for that?

… that there are no adult neighborhoods to Trick-or-treat, like where they hand out Tacos and Margaritas?

… that I only drink water, coffee or alcohol and am constantly vacillating between being over hydrated, very jittery or drunk?

… that sometimes I think I’m the problem, I instantly think, Never mind that doesn’t sound right?