Saturday, October 03, 2015

It's Snarkurday!

So, on the FOX show Gotham, Benjamin McKenzie stars alongside Morena Baccarin as his love interest, and it appears that life has begun to imitate art, since the couple announced that, not only are they now dating, but that Baccarin is four months pregnant with their first child.

And. Call me cray cray but that’s probably not something her soon-to-be ex-husband, Austin Chick, is thrilled about, especially since he filed for divorce just last July — when Baccarin was already two months pregnant — and asked for joint custody of their two-year-old son Julius.

If we, as Cher once famously told us to do, turn back time, to say, oh, May, and we believe that Baccarin and Chick split then, she was already about a minute knocked up. So, either she was banging Ben just as she split from her husband and found herself “with child” after that first tryst, or she banging Ben while she was still living with Chick, and presumably banging him, too.

Either way, Baccarin works fast, you know.

Kate Hudson loves musicians. She was married to one — Chris Robinson of The Black Crows — impregnated by one — Matthew Bellamy of Muse —  and is now ALLEGEDLY hooking up with one …

Nick Jonas, who is 23 to her 36. She showed up at his show in Orlando recently and then the two were spotted having brunch together in Miami a few days later.

She likes musicians, and she likes ‘em young.

And howsabout another Hollywood marriage imploding?

After just one date, and a blind date at that, Big Bang Theory actress Kaley Cuoco moved one-time pro tennis player Ryan Sweeting into her house. Three months later they were engaged; three months later they were married. Twenty-one months later it’s over.

Okay, so it’s sad that this epic love story ended, but what makes me giggle is that Kaley Cuoco, on the day of her marriage to Sweeting — whose name she legally took by the way, and will now have to legally change back — had their wedding date tattooed onto her back in Roman numerals.

Here’s hoping she can find another guy to marry on that same day, and then she can just laser off the year and have a new tattoo done.

In Rich People Problem News … Johnny Depp used to have a 156-foot yacht he named Vajoliroja, which, although it sounds vaguely gynecological is actually a mash-up of the names of Johnny, his ex Vanessa Paradis, their daughter Lily-Rose and their son Jack.

I say he sued to have the yacht because new wife, and puppy smuggler, Amber heard has refused to set foot on a boat named after Johnny’s baby mama, even slightly named, and so the boat has to go.

That Amber is one cold bitch to make Johnny sell a boat he’d named after his children, but what the heck, now he can buy a new boat, call it say, Jamber, or Ambonny, or Deard, or, perhaps a better name for this kinda filthy looking pair, Hepp, and then he call sell that one when his next love comes along. 

Like I said, Rich People Problems.

I always thought Khloe was the smart one in the family. And I know, that's not saying much, considering that family but ...

Think again.  Khloe Kardastrophe recently had the paint job on her Range Rover redone. Not new paint mind you, but black velvet.

Yes, she had her car wrapped in black velvet. Now all it needs is someone to paint Elvis on it and Khloe will officially be white trash.

So, Australia has taken a page from Canada, Great Britain and New Zealand’s playbook in refusing to allow serial abuser, chair tosser, asshat and Wildman Chris Brown into their country.

Brown was supposed to perform in Australia and New Zealand in December, but that might not happen because he beat the crap out of Rihanna because … because … because he’s a serial abuser of women.

It seems that Australia’s Minister for Women, Michaelia Cash has said the country’s immigration minister may deny Chris Brown’s visa and if it was solely up to her, she would’ve rejected it already.
“I’m clearly not going to preempt a decision by the minister; however I can assure you what my strong recommendation would be. People need to understand — if you are going to commit domestic violence and then you want to travel around the world, there are going to be countries that say to you, ‘You cannot come in because you are not of the character that we expect in Australia.”
I like the idea except for one thing: if the entire world suddenly decides that Chris Brown is not welcome in certain countries, that means we’ll have to deal with him 24/7.

Oh lord … this could get ugly … for America. But, in an update, we now know that Australia has given Chrissy a Notice of Intention to Consider Refusal, which means they’re giving him the chance to prove why he deserves to enter the country and they’ve given him 28 days — the length of his last rehab stay, by the way — to come up with a good reason.

Lord, he won’t be able to do it, because I imagine his good reason will be Instagrammed out to the world and contain the literate phrase:
“Just cuz.”
I say channel your inner Nancy Reagan Australia and “Just say ‘no.’”

Last week we talked allegations that Jessica Simpson was all drunk and shiz while selling her shoes and such on HLN. And we learned that just because she was a confused slurring mess doesn’t mean she’s drunk, that’s just how she talks, except …

Jessica’s husband, Eric, has had enough with the booze and the pills and has threatened to take their kids if she doesn’t get help. A source — and it might be Lohan, who might be Simpson’s dealer — says Eric is tired of Jessica using the prescription drug Adderall to keep her 5-foot-3 frame at a 92 pounds and washing the dolls down with Scotch.

So, maybe the slurring and the wacknut conversation were Scotch-erall induced?

Lord. When did producers at The View decide it was less important to hire intelligent women to discuss the latest news and information, and more important to hire wingnuts to spout their lunacy? I mean, maybe that was their plan: hire lunatics and rather than score ratings points for being a good show, we score higher numbers for having loons on TV.

Case in point: the ladies at The View stirred up more controversy when Whoopi Goldberg brought up how Lena Dunham posted an underwear photo and then quit Twitter after experiencing “verbal abuse” and here’s how The View gals responded:
Whoopi Goldberg: “The minute you put yourself out there, in somebody’s underwear … you can’t be surprised. You know what’s on Twitter.”
Raven-Symone: “At the same time, people on Twitter need to keep their mouths respectful because they come hard at people.”
Candace Cameron Bure: “I’ve never been more verbally abused in my life than on Twitter, and specifically in the last few months, having come on this show. A lot of people don’t agree with me – that’s fine, don’t agree with me. But you don’t have to verbally abuse me and rape me. That’s what they do to me on Twitter.”
Yes, someone, a stranger no less, an anonymous stranger, saying something mean about you on Twitter is just like being sexually assaulted according to Candace Cameron Bure, The View’s Elizabeth Hasselbeck 2.0.

Rape is a sexual assault; someone saying you’re a morn might be mean, or, in this case, true. But it’s never akin to rape. 


anne marie in philly said...

"Now all it needs is someone to paint Elvis on it and Khloe will officially be white trash." - bwhahahahahaha!

out to the dumpster with this load o stink!

Helen Lashbrook said...

Going on Twitter can open you to extremely unpleasant abuse; people have been told they are going to be raped and or murdered for holding views that the abuser doesn't hold with. That is not acceptable but it is not of course akin to the real thing. Twitter does not take down the accounts of extremists. Why not?

mistress maddie said...

Hottie, Benjamin McKenzie was almost my candy shop choice today. The show has been very entertaining thus far. Had no idea about the showmance. Kate Hudson-"She likes musicians, and she likes ‘em young" And like Arby's She likes the meat!!!! And since the View is a run-a-way train wreak, lets really go out with a bang and let Lohan on as a final hosts! And poor , poor Jessica. To succumb to the pills and libation because of the embarrassment of not knowing the difference between Chicken or Tuna.

Brewella Deville said...

Practically perfect anagram for the new boat? The Herp Derp.

Jim said...

Isn't Kate Hudson the offspring of mom Goldie Hawn and one of the members of the Hudson brothers band?
Like Mom, like Daughter?
Regarding the Lohan reference to Jessica Simpson and her pill and booze addiction ... TODAY is National MEAN GIRLS day!!
Lindsay baby should be so proud.

Blobby said...

Nick Jonas a musician. STOP. My sides!!!

Biki Honko said...

Why wasn't The View put out of our misery years ago? Whoopie must be hurting for money to stay on this train wreck.

the dogs' mother said...

a black velvet rolls?? adding elvis would class that up!!