I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

We all know Britney Spears can’t/won’t/doesn’t sing live, and we all know her dance moves mostly consist of shimmying around a stage looking bored. But, did you know that Brit-Brit can’t/won’t/doesn’t answer spur-of-the-moments questions? 

No, she does not. Before she agreed to appear on Good morning America all questions had to be submitted to Britney’s team and then pre-approved by them. But, apparently, Sam Champion thought he could go off script and that sent shock waves through the Spears’ camp.

The formal sit-down interview took place before Britney appeared live on GMA last week and, according to a source, “Britney’s team panicked when Sam deviated from the pre-approved questions and asked her who her first kiss was. There was a brief moment of panic from Britney’s team, but she handled it like a pro.”

According to the source the pre-approved questions have always been a demand from Spears’ team: “Britney doesn’t do any interviews with any media outlets that don’t agree to the conditions set forth by her team. This is done to protect Britney, and so she won’t be asked any awkward questions.”

Like who was your first kiss? Or, um, what newspapers do you read?

Remember when Kristen Stewart was caught doing the nasty with her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sands and then his wife dumped him, and Sparkles Pattinson dumped her—though they got back together and then he dumped her again?

Now it seems like Kristen, after being whored out to an Arab for $500,000 by Harvey Weinstein, is trying to slither back into Rupert Sand’s life. Only Rupert rejected her!

You would think Kristen would have more shame about cheating on Rob, but apparently she had real feelings for Rupert — or else he’s just an easy lay — and she wanted to, um, date [?] him again. But Rupert, fresh from his divorce from Liberty Ross, said No, thank you.

I wonder how much Harvey will have to cough up to get 15 minutes with Rupert Sands for Kristen.

Recently new Daddy Kanye West appeared on Later… with Jools Holland and was quite the diva bitch — i.e. a real JLo — behind the scenes.

He demanded that the carpets in his dressing room be ironed before he deigned to set his Pradas down on them because he felt that the carpet was “too bumpy”.

So, he demanded that the eight dressing rooms he needed for himself—out of the fifteen total available to all the other acts—have the carpets ironed before he’d do the show.

Makes one wonder what Kash Kow irons before he steps on her.

Gwyneth Paltrow has officially lost it.

Y’all know how she tries to play herself as the everyday mother, and tries to advise other women on their clothes, their food, their cooking, their husbands, how to get Harvey Weinstein to buy them an Oscar. You know, that kind of stuff.

Well, now Gwynnie has designed a sweatshirt she thinks is perfect for the average woman and she’ll be hawking it on her website, Goop , which, I think is English slang for Full of  Sh*t. And that thing up there is her “embellished sweatshirt” that she designed with Matthew Williamson and is selling to her minions for $845.00.

For a black sweatshirt with rhinestones that retails for about $8.95 at Wal-Mart. And here’s how she markets it:

“Together with Matthew Williamson, we’ve made the perfect statement sweatshirt for fall. The slimfit cut (like your favorite highschool sweatshirt) in olive green cotton jersey and intricate Swarovski embellishment works with denim jeans, switching to a pencil skirt for evening.”

Isn't it just like that nearly $1,000 sweatshirt, SWEATeffingSHIRT, you wore in high school?

Chris Brown is pissy again, and once again playing the victim in a new interview with Jet.

He’s saying that the world, AKA “White America”, is racist and out to make him fit into some kind of violent, thuggish box when he says he’s an artiste.

Never mind that he beat the crap out of his girlfriend, threw a chair out a window on GMA, lied about his community service that he never performed, starts brawls in nightclubs and parking lots with other singers that are far more talented than him. But he’s an artist, not a thug, and he can’t figure out why the public can’t forgive him for those things, you like, like folks forgive Jay Z:

“This is something I’ve been dealing with for the past maybe five years,” he told Jet, per CNN. “Anybody with a voice – Tupac, Michael Jackson, the Notorious B.I.G. – gets formatted … except maybe for Jay Z, who is accepted by White America because he shakes hands and kisses babies. No disrespect, because I’m a fan, but nobody brings up the fact that he stabbed somebody and sold drugs. He gets a pass.”

Um, maybe because Jay Z stopped acting like a thug and started acting like an artist? But then Chrissy plays up the fact that he is the rap version of, wait for it, Trayvon Martin:

“I identify with Trayvon 100 percent as far as living in 2013 and still dealing with blatant racism. This generation is so used to racism that it’s normal; we don’t care. We aren’t on drugs or catching AIDS, but they still look at us as ni**as.”

Pampered, self-indulgent, take no responsibilities for his actions, rapper thinks he’s just like Trayvon Martin. Delusional, he is; an artist he is not.

“Instead of being an artist, I’ve been called a woman beater” 

Um, because that’s what you are, Chrissy; you beat a woman.

Grow up, and shut up. And then go away.

September is not kind to Dina Lohan.

First she gets arrested for driving all drunked up and her fresh-from-rehab daughter basically sells her out as a bit of a drunkard, and now it looks like Dina’s Long Island McMansion is definitely, finally, facing foreclosure.

Dina’s mansion– has been in trouble before, several times before, in fact, but there’s always someone — Lindsay or one of Dina’s many, um, hook-ups benefactors — to pay off Dina’s debts so she can keep her house for a little while longer.

But, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen again, even with Lindsay still banking some Oprah money. JP Morgan Chase Bank has filed a foreclosure action on Chez Lohan, and while the process is complicated, Dina can save her house, and her lying face, by doing one simple thing: paying her bills.

Now, the sad and scary thing is, if Dina loses the house, where do you think she’ll end up? Of course, sleeping on a pull-out in Lindsay NYC pad. And that won’t be good for recovering alcoholic Lindsay to deal with, because Mama Lohan comes with baggage and box after box after box of chardonnay.

So, Michael Douglas won an Emmy this week for playing Liberace in Behind The Candelabra and during his speech he gave out a shout-out to his wife, from whom he is separated, and their two children, who live with Mama, and also to his son Cameron, who is doing time in prison because he’s a drug-dealing drug-addict who tested positive for drugs while in prison.

Uh huh. And yet Michael Douglas whines about that:

“My son is in federal prison. He’s been a drug addict for a large part of his life. Part of the punishments—if you happen to have a slip, and this is for a prisoner who is nonviolent, as about a half-million of our drug-addicted prisoners are—he’s spent almost two years in solitary confinement and right now I’m being told that I cannot see him for two years. It’s been over a year now. And I’m questioning the system. Obviously at first, I was certainly disappointed in my son. But I’ve reached a point now where I’m very disappointed with the system.”

Hmm, let’s see, what has Cameron Douglas done:

• In 1999 he was found with cocaine, arrested for possession. Misdemeanor charge.
• In 2007 he was charged with felony possession of cocaine.
• In 2009 he was arrested for possession of 0.5 pounds of methamphetamine and charged with intent to distribute. This charge comes with 10 years.
• In January 2010, while in prison, he plead guilty to conspiracy to distribute drugs and to heroin possession—ALLEGEDLY his girlfriend was hiding some in an electric toothbrush
• In April 2010 he was sentenced to 5 years in prison for possessing heroin, and for dealing methamphetamines and cocaine.
• In 2011 he pleads guilty to possessing drugs in prison and is sentenced to an addition 4 1/2 years.
• In 2013 he tested positive for drugs in his system at a different prison and was sent to solitary confinement. He lost appeal to have his sentence reduced and won’t get out until early 2018. And Michael Douglas thinks we should feel sorry for him and his son?

Oh.Hell.No. Maybe Cameron needs to be in solitary so he can finally get cleaned up and maybe not having his father play the co-dependent role might be a good thing for a change.

Oprah is working extra hard to get an Oscar nomination for The Butler. I mean, she whored herself out to every single news outlet that she could, talking about the film, talking about her troubles with her less-than-successful OWN network, talking about being treated badly by a shopgirl, and now, talking about the near-nervous breakdown she suffered.

Why doesn’t she just write the Academy a check and buy the Oscar and just stop talking? But she isn’t, and here she is, admitting that it was true, because she was working singlehandedly to save OWN and making a movie. See, Oprah had two jobs and that nearly did her in:

“In the beginning, it was just sort of speeding and a kind of numbness and going from one thing to the next thing to the next thing. I will tell you when I realized that I thought, ‘All right, if I don’t calm down I’m gonna be in serious trouble.’ I was in the middle of doing voiceovers, you know? And I remember closing my eyes in between each page because looking at the page and the words at the same time was too much stimulation for my brain. … I mean, I wasn’t ready to go run naked in the streets. Let’s make that very clear, but I had reached a point where I just couldn’t take in anymore stimulation. Ok? That’s what I meant by that.”

So, she was working single-handedly to save her network? Only by herself? And she was making a movie? And having people cook for her and dress her and do her hair and do her makeup and drive her from her palatial estate to her movie job in a fancy car and then maybe get into her private jet and fly off for the weekend. Then find a way to film the “breakdown” for a Very Special Oprah.

Yeah, life’s hard for Oprah. And it makes me mad that all the people struggling to make ends meet, maybe working three jobs, feeding their families and taking care of themselves don’t get the same kind of ‘Poor Oprah’ sentiment that she seems to be asking for.

Sit down. Have a cookie. Write that check. Win an Oscar. Then go away.