Saturday, September 07, 2013

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

So, it’s true: Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas have “informally” separated. Not so big news since the story has been out there for weeks, but the how and the why deserve some thought.

#1 Michael wanted the split because they are rarely together. Between his time in the hospital for his ALLEGED cunnilingus-induced throat cancer and her second stint in rehab for bipolar disorder and depression, the couple rarely saw one another.

#2 They’ve been fighting about Douglas’ drug-abusing, drug-dealing son, Cameron, who remains in jail. Douglas says CZJ  has never visited Cameron.

#3 Michael is what is called a ‘dry drunk.’ Though he doesn’t abuse alcohol anymore he is still prone to rages and has become a grumpy old man; but shouldn’t CZJ have known that when she married a man old enough to be her father?

#4 Following the success of Behind the Candelabra, Michael is done being a house-husband. After Catherine won an Oscar… still makes me laugh … for Chicago, Douglas took a break, saying that he was happy to stay home. But while he stayed home being Baby Daddy, CZJ was off partying with Brad Pitt and George Clooney on the set of Ocean’s Twelve.

Let me break it down for y’all: he’s old, she’s a wannabe. They married because he wanted a young wife to give him more babies and she wanted the prestige of the Douglas name. And they had the babies, but the marriage hasn’t parlayed into anything really great for CZJ. 

Seriously, the last thing I remember she did was a five minute spot in one of the Ocean’s films. Now, his career is up, and hers is down, and do you really think CZJ will sit home while he gets back to work?

Seriously?

I love stories that just won't die, and the Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie feud is one of those.

Here’s the deal, Jen’s ex Brad Pitt did a movie with Jolie and maybe they did or maybe didn’t hook up, but soon after the movie Pitt and Aniston separated and Brad was seen out and about with Angelina; now that couple has about a hundred kids and have been together about eight-times longer that Pitt-Aniston and still people won’t let it go.

The stories abound: a few weeks back Aniston ALLEGEDLY rescheduled a flight at the last minute because she wanted to avoid being on the same plane as Jolie, and now comes the rumor that Angelina “stole”, er, “homewrecked” as the English papers call it, Jennifer Aniston’s favorite hotel suite at the Sunset Tower Hotel.

What the — Folks are all up in arms because Angelina and Brad Pitt ALLEGEDLY stayed at Jennifer’s favorite hotel in.her.favorite.$2,500-a-night suite while taking an intimate break from their children! O.M.G.

Sources also say that Brad usually handles the hotel reservations and stuff, but this time it was Angelina who picked the hotel and the room, knowing it was Jennifer’s fave place. According to a source, Angelina has tried to book this particular room in the past but it was already booked, and though she was offered a two two-story villa she turned it down.

Seriously? Does anyone believe Angelina gives a rat's behind about Jen, or vice versa? I mean, the only people in this relationship who haven’t moved on are the public.

Let.It.Go.

So, last week JLo’s son, Casper Smart, spilled the beans that his Money, er, Mama, was headed back to American Idol and she was rumored to have been furious.’ So, how does Money, er, Mama, react? She’s cutting his monthly allowance by a hefty 25%.

Sources — and you know it’s Seacrest — say JLo went ballistic when Casper blabbed about her “return” to Idol, and she herself was in hot water with the producers who wanted to stage their own lavish announcement event until, Casper, left alone without a nanny, began talking.

Jennifer was beyond steamed: “This was Jennifer’s biggest fear,” Seacrest the source says. “Casper is young and doesn’t understand the business, which makes life very difficult for her. It’s beginning to dawn on her that he’s a liability.”

To make it worse, and more uncomfortable, one of JLo’s demands, besides the clause in her contract that says no one is allowed to look at her, was that the studio give Casper a job on the show, possibly sweeping up after a round of confetti or something. Now there is no job and Casper’s allowance is cut. And he’ll still have to mow the lawn, take out the trash and make his bed.

It’s hard being a JLo kept boy.

So, remember when Jessica Simpson got pregnant and gained about two hundred pounds and became the pork butt of every joke around? And remember when she signed with Weight Watcher’s—to the tune of some $4 million—to lose the baby weight-which she claimed was all amniotic fluid? And remember when, before she lost all that fluid, er, weight, she announced she was pregnant again?

Well, Weight Watcher’s hasn’t forgotten and they want their money back if she doesn’t come through on losing the second baby weight gain which was added to the first baby weight gain.

The weight-loss company publicly congratulated Jessica on her second pregnancy, but an insider says that the execs weren’t thriller: “Weight Watchers retained Jessica as a spokesmodel – but with an escape clause. Jessica is having a hard time sticking to the program, so the contract could be in jeopardy.”

A $4 million jeopardy.

Real Housewives of New Jersey star, and owner of a two-head, not a forehead, Teresa Giudice and her husband, Joe, have been indicted on multiple counts of federal financial fraud including conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, bankruptcy fraud, and falsifying loan applications. 

The Giudices have regularly flaunted their ALLEGEDLY fraudulently obtained lifestyle with big money buying trips, flashing wads of cash, and wearing the tackiest of the most expensive designer duds, living a life so out of touch with what’s real and what’s fake — like Teresa’s boobs, and possibly Joe’s boobs, too.

They’ve plead not guilty but face up to 50 years in prison if convicted. The general consensus is that Joe will serve some prison time and could even be deported since he’s not a US citizen. Teresa, on the other hand, may skate, if she promises to shave her two-head.

Now, with a trial and prison time looming over her, Teresa is holding fundraisers to pay for her defense. She even put out a press release about the charity, and then tried to backtrack and act like she wasn’t standing on the corner in Hoboken in a Versace knock-off panhandling for attorney fees.

But, last week, at the Maliblue Beach Resort she made a personal appearance to ask her followers to donate money to her, um, 'cause'. And perhaps due to the backlash of her asking fans to cough up dough for a lawyer when she can’t even pay her electric bill, Teresa Tweeted: “Tonight’s appearance at Maliblue is just a meet & greet w/ fans. I just heard that some of the workers there wanted to support me, and that is very sweet & I appreciate it, but if anyone wants to support me, please do it by donating to a charity I love: @NephCure. Xx”

Empty. Just empty. They regularly broke the law, committing fraud after fraud after fraud, okay, ALLEGEDLY, and then she began begging for people to pay her bills?

I thought you were made of money Teresa?

Dirty Harry is gonna be Single Harry.

Eastwood’s life is a relative mess at least as far as his marriage is concerned. Clint and former newscaster Dina Ruiz have been married for 17 years, but it’s been rumored that they have lived apart for over a year now, following Dina’s insistence on showcasing the family in Kardastrophe-like reality show. Clint wanted no part of it, and that apparently lead to the two of them not even speaking at his daughter’s wedding last Spring.

About a month later, Dina checked into rehab, ALLEGEDLY for depression and anxiety issues, and now comes the news that the couple, like Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, are informally separated.

Dina confirmed the story to Us Weekly because, well, it keeps her in the news, and says she and Eastwood remain close but have been living separately for some time.

Here’s the deal, Eastwood and Douglas, your marriages were mid-life crisis weddings. You were both decades older than your brides but were  just sure as sure could be that marrying a much younger woman, who apparently in both cases, merely wanted to ride the coattails of her more famous husband, was a good idea. It wasn’t.

And now, while Dina plays up the separation angle, and Clint stays as silent as a Spaghetti Western anti-hero, rumors abound that Dina has already found her jump-off in the form of an old high school boyfriend.

At least this time she’s with a man not old enough to be Daddy.

Kardashian son-in-law Lamar Odom just keeps getting in trouble. In recent weeks, a pair of whores, er, women, have come forth to say they have been schtupped by the married player, and basketball player. In fact, both whore, er, mistresses says Lamar’s media-spotlight-living-and-loving wife, Khloe Kardashian, knew all about their relationships with her husband.

Now the story gets more pathetic with the revelation that Odom, who has battled drug abuse before, is once again doing all kinds of fun stuff besides cheating; he’s been doing Oxycontin, Ambien, crack and maybe cocaine, and was arrested last week for driving drunk. Or something.

Lamar was arrested for DUI after driving erratically, and he refused to take a chemical test after failing field sobriety tests. He was pulled over on the 101 at four in the morning for driving too slowly. He was stopped, tested, arrested and booked and taken to jail in Van Nuys where he was held on $15,000 bail.

Now, if all goes according the Kris Jenner’s plan, Odom will head off to rehab and a new season of Kardashian will appear on E!: Khloe Tries To Save Lamar.

I mean, isn’t it all, and always about that family, and not the drunk, drug abusing adulterers they marry?

David Chappelle has a habit of walking away when things don’t go his way, and when he feels his fans don’t appreciate him; that’s just one of the reasons he left his popular Chappelle’s Show.

He   didn’t like that his fans were always coming up to him saying, “I’m Rick James, bitch!”In fact, in June of 2004, when the audience kept shouting the popular phrase during a stand-up show, Chappelle simply walked off the stage, ending his set. He then returned, only to say, “You know why my show is good? Because the network officials say you’re not smart enough to get what I’m doing, and every day I fight for you. I tell them how smart you are. Turns out, I was wrong. You people are stupid.”

Ouch. Way to win back the audience. But, now he’s apparently done it again.

He walked off stage during the Funny or Die Oddball Comedy & Curiosity Festival in Hartford, after being heckled by some audience members.

His onstage tantrum occurred during his standup set when, over a mixture of cheers and boos, Chappelle said, “Thank you. Good night,” before setting down the mic and walking away.

But others say he actually said, “I like some of you, I hate some of you. I forget some of you, but I don’t forget all of you. Thank you, goodnight.” He also ALLEGEDLY mumbled something about how they were “ruining his chances for congress”.

M’kay. Um, G’bye, I guess.

I mean how does one expect to keep fans when they have a tendency to just walk offstage mid show? Howsabout asking the venue to remove the hecklers and staying and doing the show you promised for the people that paid to see you? Or, give ‘em their money back and just stay home next time.

Congress.

Well, it seems the Cannon-Carey house has room for just one diva and you just know it’s the one who weighs the most and brings home the most bacon, fries it up in a pan, and then eats till she falls asleep.

In fact, Nick Cannon has admitted that his wife, er, Money Mama, Mariah Carey  thinks his music career is a “joke” just as he gets ready to release a new album called White People Party Music featuring the hit[?] ‘Gigolo.’

Gigolo? Is it a song or an admission?

And, speaking of Kris Jenner—remember? We spoke of her up there a’ways?—rumors are swirling again that, like Khloe, her marriage is over, too. In fact, the two are rarely seen together, except when filming their “reality” show and wasn’t it Khloe who blabbed to the press last year that Bruce actually lives in a different house than Kris? And do you blame him?

In February, Kris denied she would ever divorce Bruce, but said little about marriage troubles, making it seem like the union is for TV show and profit and not love and companionship. A new report — and maybe it’s Kanye and maybe it’s Lamar — says their loveless marriage is over and they haven’t had sex with each other in years and she isn’t wearing her ring.

Again, can you blame him? I mean, he’s still a rather young looking woman who can find himself someone to love who doesn’t pimp out her children’s sex lives, drug issues, paternity issues, for a paycheck, can’t he? And certainly she can find someone who’s as big a fame whore as she is, right? Is Limbaugh single again yet? Gingrich?

More JLo?

Remember when she was performing at birthday parties for despots and human rights foes because a paycheck is a paycheck is a paycheck? And remembers he said she never knew the parties she sang at were for these horrible people because she doesn’t read? Now, she’s admitting that her appearance at the birthday party of the president of Turkmenistan earlier this year was a mistake: 

“I know that being seen as a role model means taking responsibility for all my actions. I am human, and of course, sometimes I make mistakes. But I promise that when I fall, I get back up. When I am wrong, I will learn the lesson and move on to face other challenges. For me, that’s what creating your own life is. Doing your best work while being your best self.”

That’s some non-apology because you’ll note it doesn’t contain the word ‘Sorry.’

But that’s JLo. Her non-apology is just that; a spin for her fans about a lesson she learned — the lesson being: ‘don’t let people take pictures when you’re shaking your ass for large, evil men who pay you millions.’

What’s one to do when you rubbed your nether regions all over a twenty-year-old girl’s behind — and let her massage your crotch with a foam finger, too — on national TV?

Well, if you’re Robin Thicke, you go to a VMA after-party and get yourself photographed with some random blond chick. Only, looking into the mirror behind the pair, you can see Thicke’s hand in the thick of that woman’s nether regions. And now, because she let a non-star-who-thinks-he’s-all-that grope her, the blond, one Lana Scolaro, thinks she’s famous and is talking about what went down, besides Thicke’s hand up her ass-crack.

Scolaro says she hooked up with the “Blurred Lines” singer while his wife, Paula Patton, was just a few feet away and that he approached using the line, “I just love the fact that you’re so young.”

Yeah. I need a bleach scrub-down, too.

“His hands were everywhere,” Scolaro, who says she met Thicke at a party a week earlier, says his hands were everywhere — I hoped he washed them at least after the travel up the Buttcrack Canal — and that his wife was “chill” with him groping strangers and getting photographed doing so.

Scolaro says she later accompanied the couple to a bash at the Greenwich Hotel where Thicke followed her to the bathroom and “turned off the lights so no one could see us, and he started making out with me. He was grabbing me. He was like, ‘I want to get you into bed!’ ”

I don’t know if this is true, and I really don’t care because Robin Thicke’s fifteen minutes are just about up and he’ll go back to being known as Mister Paula Patton, but it still gives me a rash just reading about this perv.

“I just love the fact that you’re so young.”

Let the hurling commence.

6 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

what a busy bunch they've been this week!

Raybeard said...

Goodness! How tough it is being a celeb! ('Scuse me while I wring out my hankie.)

Huntress aka R.J. said...

Whenever I think my life is a mess, you never fail to prove me wrong. I don't know where to start with this week's bunch.

anne marie in philly said...

what a huge pile o horseshit you moved this week, bob! ;-)

Ask the Cool Cookie said...

Robin Thicke is nasty. NASTY.

Debbie said...

GREAT POST AS ALWAYS! OK ... Catherine Zeta-Jones is so obviously high maintenance I couldn't imagine living with that bish. And I always believed they gave her the Oscar because she was married to Hollywood Royalty and NOT because she was that good in that movie. I remember when she married Douglas she said that "divorce is not an option" and I remember thinking oooooooh honey ... you say that now.

HATE J-lo. Do not get her attraction to Casper. I've always said he looks like a horny 14 year old. ICK. She's a fame whore and cannot stand not being in the public eye.

Dina and Clint. Did you see her reality show? That woman has a freaking screw loose. And the husband was NEVER around. I can't imagine being married to someone who is never there. Plus, he's the same age as my dad and I'm
56 ... that means Clint is FUCKEN OLD.

Lamar ... I'm actually surprised (I know I know) but I am. I'm kinda shocked that he's got these drug problems. But I guess the Kartrashians would make drug addicts out of most people. HATE Kris Jenner. She carries Bruce's balls in her purse. I don't know why that guy doesn't just divorce her ass. MY GOD she's a horrible woman. Desperately wants to be a Kardashian.

Robin Thicke. I KNEW he couldn't be that clean, happy, faithful husband. Not for a second. It'll be interesting to see how this one pans out.

OK - Done.
Love that you hate who I hate :)

XOXO
Deb