Thursday, September 19, 2013

Mistress Maddie Wants To Know ....

...What grinds your gears? What chaps your hide? What tightens your nuts? What pisses you off?

Mistress Maddie posted hers over at her spot, A Day With Mistress Borghese--and if you aren't reading her then WTF are you doing on the Internet--and so I decided to follow suit and share those things that, um, well, bother me.....

1, Stupid Questions .... like 'Which one of you is the woman?' comes to mind. First off, we're gay, and we're male, so neither of us is the woman because that would make us a straight couple and your question even more idiotic. Or howsabout 'What's it like being gay?' 'Um, it's like being straight only more fabulous.'

2.Barbara Walters ... Retire.Already. You passed your Sell By Date in the late 80s ... your late 80s.

3. Fashion ... I'm not into designer duds. I am no label queen--unless it Levi 501s--but if you're going out in public, even to Publix, or the mall, or a movie, put on clean clothes, clothes with no rips or tears or shredded hems. It only takes a second to look like you put a soupçon of effort into getting dressed.

4. Lazy Drivers ... Move! Just because there's a peed limit does not mean you have to drive slower than that! Use a signal! Every freaking car on the road has one, even your hillbilly wagon. Get off the phone! If you wanna die so you can read that latest Facebook update from someone you don't really know, I'd suggest traveling down a two-lane highway in the middle of the night and wrapping your car around a tree. Do not try to take me out with you.

5. John McCain ... See Barbara Walters.

6. People With No Opinions ...On Anything ... Really? You don't have a single thought on marriage equality, gun control or healthcare--amongst other things? Then stop breathing because you're taking up valuable real estate.

7. People Who Can Tell You ... which Kardastrophe f**ked a football player versus which Kardastrophe f**ked a basketball player versus which Kardastrophe is married to a woman, but when you mention the Secretary of State, they look at you like a deer in headlights. You have now become part of the problem.

8. Cell Phones ... I have one, and use it occasionally, but I don't have it glued to my hand and I don't pull it out every five seconds to check it. The reason we've lost the ability to communicate is because we're too busy playing games on phones, watching videos on phones, checking Facebook and Twitter and your blog on the phone. Life is going by and some of you won't know it until a YouTube video about the story comes up on your phone.

9. People Who Show You Pictures ... of their babies and ask, 'Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?' I say, 'Have you seen Huge Ackman shirtless on a beach and why does your baby look like 'Winston Churchill.'

10. People Who Cannot Take A Joke ... So, you say to me, 'Y'all don';t sound like you';re from here.' and I lie, 'I've lived here my whole life.' and you say, 'You don't have an accent' and I say, 'That's because I graduated from the fifth grade.' It's a joke. Sort of.

There are probably more ... many more ... but I'm trying to get myself back to zero and calm down.

What grinds your gears?


Ron said...

Heavy and overweight people walking around with a 'diet' soda. First of all soda pop is not good for you on many levels, but why flash the diet can at us? Is your 3rd can or bottle of the day doing a single thing to drop your weight? Is it an example of thinking thin? Why not just wear a button that says 'Tab'. Drinking diet soda and talking lo-cal recipes all day is only a smoke screen for both parties.

Anonymous said...

I already unloaded on my blog. The funny part is I had to cut myself off, too!

the dogs' mother said...

The other day we were feeding the ducks and geese at the pond. Two gals pulled up with a big bag of bread and a barefoot two year old who was dashing around in the fowl (foul) poo
and running up to all the geese. The women would grab the geeses' beaks to chide them for being geese. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
I can only hope the kid will end up with an immune system of iron and reflexes that allow him a professional sporting career.

anne marie in philly said...

'Um, it's like being straight only more fabulous.'


mistress maddie said...

Well our list is pretty close I see, and you even helped add to mine!!!! The relationship question is a good one! I had forgot about that. Just because I look like a swank bitch in drag, guys assumed I was the "woman". Most cases untrue, but I agree with your answer. Were guys thank you! So sweet for the shout out, I'll have to send down a cocktail basket! xoxo

Helen Lashbrook said...

I dislike people on the internet who, under the blanket of anonymity, feel emboldened to make death threats, threaten to rape people, bully them or otherwise behave in a manner they would not put their name to.