Friday, July 27, 2012

PS10EP2: The Candyman Can't

As the sun rises over The Atlas apartments, let's listen to three of the more coherent designtestants:
Kooan: I. Hate. Morning. I just ooh oh aah eeek oh oooh
Gunnar: We don't want to see anyone go, but we want to see them go.
Lantie: I hated being in the Bottom Three, but I could visually see and hear Heidi say, 'Lantie, you are in.'
Yeah, not exactly Project Mensa is it. But let's skip over as many of the inanities as possible and dig right in. This week’s challenge is one of the most popular of any PR season: The Unconventional Challenge. Will it be fruits? Flowers? Dry goods? Nope, it's candy, purchased from Dylan's Candy Bar, owned by guest judge, and daughter of US Olympic team uniform outsourcer Ralph Lauren, Dylan Lauren. The designtestants get $250 to spend, but Dylan gives them 50% off, so, man oh man, $500 worth of candy.
Bury me now in Reese's Pieces. 
Licorice, Rock Candy
Christopher and Gunnar sittin' in a tree …. And me without my shotgun
Seriously, you two need to get a room. All that side-eye glancing and head-bobbing. Just do it. Do it. I mean, you’re both obviously bottoms, but something could happen and maybe then the drama will be over? I know, you say he’s the Evil Twin and you’re the Good Twin, but schtup him already and move on.
And move on from remaking the same dress week after week. This week’s candy confection had the same pattern and detailing as your gown from last week. Don’t be a one-note Christopher.
Although this week One Note = Safe
Cotton Candy, Licorice, Jelly Beans, a Wing and a Prayer
He makes me long for the days of Silent TV. Yeah, I know there’s no such thing, but I can long for ‘em, can’t I?
He is one illiterate furball and the gibberish and the giggles gets old fast. I mean, when Tim came by for the critique, the first, well, I guess you could call them ‘words,’; out of Kooan’s mouth were, Oooo ee loo loo lah lah lah ah ki ki ooo.
Yeah. That's Kooan for My dress is ugly and I think I'm going home.
Just stupid and cartoonish and loud and not wearable--one of the challenges was to make it wearable. I really need him to leave.
Anime squirrel. And yet, sadly, Safe.
Crushed Rock Candy
He wanted to make a modern day Jackie O, or a Jackie O Henry if you will and, well, I think he fell short. His look was not so much Jackie O as it was Jackie....yawn....Oh.
But he gets points for his interaction with Tim Gunn during the critique. Tim told him to ‘make it work’ and Fabio said he need to 'glue the sh*t out of his dress.'
To which Tim [gulp] replied, and, wow, this is a direct quote, "So this is a glue the sh*t out of it moment." Could have been tacky, it was a bit shocking, but even Tim Gunn makes sh*t sound uptown.
And, well, Safe.
Sheets of Dots, Licorice, Umbrellas
All those degrees in art; an MFA and a BA and an MA and her outfit looks more WTF. She decided to keep the dot candy on the sheets of paper and turn that into an apron and then grab a bunch of aprons and make a bustle.
I.Wanted.To.Kill.Her. And so did Tim who called her outfit stupid and asinine and ugly and, did I mention stupid? I mean, he put it all in Tm Gunn $20 word-speak, but you get the meaning.
Her look was sad, and, really, a bustle? There was no transformation at all. Sheets of candy become an apron and umbrellas become a bustle.
Andrea should have gone home. And taken her MA, BA, MFA home on the LIE.
Jelly Beans, Gumballs, Sour Strings
I liked it, but Alicia, except for about ten second with Tim, was hardly seen. I did catch a glimpse of her dreads and they are fantastic. And her one-shouldered overall look was kind of cool. I liked the color, very vibrant—unlike, apparently, Alicia’s personality—but thought the bandeau top was a misfire.
Still. Safe.
Gummy Strips, Lifesavers
It looked like fabric, which was good, but it looked like bad fabric. And when the model turned around on the runway it was shockingly red in the back. What was that about? And, I’m still on the fence about his hair and the hats.
All in all, Meh.
Black Licorice, Twist Ties
She loves black so it was shocking that she went with black licorice and made kind of a Goth rocker chick outfit. It was nice, and she really made the candy and ties look like something other than candy and ties, but it wasn’t enough.
Sour Balls, Black T-shirt
Dmitry’s dress was not made of muslin provided by the producers; the top was from a Dylan’s Candy Bar t-shirt and then he created Sour Ball fringe in yellow and red.
I thought it was the best of the show. It looked nothing like candy—and neither did Ven’s—but it moved very well—unlike Ven’s—and just looked lovely.
I was very surprised he wasn’t at least Top Three instead of Gunnar. To be fair, I might have taken anyone in the Top Three other than Gunnar.
Should have won.
Foiled Chocolate, Candy Boxes
He is still adorable but, well, with 15 designers, he gets very little airtime because he's A] not a whack job a la Buffi and Kooan, or 2] not quite on par with Ven and Sonjia. And, when you model has to literally hold her dress as she walked the runway to keep it from falling it, that’s just plain wrong. The dress was cute and fun, but that was one heavy mother of a dress.
Bottom Three
Pina Colada Licorice
Dear Elena, You had an entire candy store—and several levels judging from the footage—at your disposal and you picked nothing, nothing, but cream-colored licorice?
Not thinking outside the pasta box, are you?!
She does have a POV—as Kors called it, Warrior woman—but she really needs to step out of her comfort zone and bring in the color.
Red would have been very cool. And I mean a red like the welt she got on her legs when she spilled hot glue on herself. And then cried. Helpful Hint #1: Hot glue is hot, and Helpful Hint #2: When using hot glue, leave the Daisy Dukes at home. M’kay? Better?
Not really, because apparently all that hot glue wasn’t enough to keep her dress from falling apart as she made it, as she tried it on the model, as she took it off the mannequin, as it walked the runway, and as she was judged.
By the end of the episode her model was wearing a Muslin overcoat. Not good.
Heidi--what was with that Snakeskin Jumpsuit?--said it looked like a dude might wear it, which made me wonder if Seal was caught wearing Heidi’s clothes and that's what ended their marriage. But I digress....She knew instantly it was an 'Elena' dress, but also a macaroni project. Kors called it Rigatoni Mad Max and said the model looked huge. Dylan wondered where the creativity had gone, where the fun had gone. 
I saw it; it fell off the dress while they were talking.
Sour Strips, Tissue Paper, Cotton Candy
She tells us at the start that it’s best to avoid using anything that looks like actual fabric, which means she'll use everything that looks like actual fabric. Tissue paper and umbrellas, much?
Now, she gets credit for the weaving of the candy into a top, but gets dinged because it started to melt almost right away. And then massive points are removed for the hat, which, even after she discovered all the cotton candy in it had evaporated, she still stuck it on her model’s head.
She said her look was Carrie Bradshaw fun, but I thought it was more Paris Hilton Skank. I thought Kooan would bring the crazy but Buffi beat him to the punch
Heidi, who likes short and tight, hated it; and she hated the use of all the tissue paper. Kors said it was less Carrie Bradshaw and more Toddlers and Tiaras Gone Berserk. Dylan Lauren thought it was fun, and the weave work was nice while, for me at least, Nina summed it up with one word: Atrocious!
But not so atrocious that she was sent packing….. 
Umbrella, Rain Boots. One Gumball
She isn’t thinking about candy for this project…..the CANDY project…. which, I think means she's thinking about packing her suitcase and heading back to wherever her business died to cry at the window
I mean, if this was the Umbrella Challenge, Lantie would have immunity next week, instead of riding the bus back to UglyDressVille. But it wasn't and, well, we know what that means even before Heidi says it.
She started off kinda strong, for Lantie, but she soon scrapped that one and started anew, with umbrella fabric and a piece candy. She says to us, beaming, "I’ve never seen anything like it!"
Yeah, you have, but it was so hideous you blocked it out of your memory.
She literally got some umbrella fabric, then slapped some candy flowers on the skirt and declared herself done. Kors said she made no use of the candy, and failed to transform the candy at all. He called her more of a 'decorator' and Lantie got all pissy and muttered that old stand-by, I didn't have enough time and I suck at this and Can I go home now? Dylan Lauren asked, Where's the candy? Lantie smirked. Heidi simply said it was hard to judge since there was just that one piece of candy on it. And I think that piece of candy got there when the model sat down and it stuck to the skirt. Nina offered faint praise, At least it's not atrocious. And then she asked Lantie to stop complaining. Which will happen because......
Top Three
Licorice and Candy Foil
His obnoxious personality and Tres Gay Chicken giggle are wearing thin. Plus, seriously, Gunnar, pick a personality. Last week you were Cruella de Bitch and now you wanna be Cruella de Chatterbox. Either get back on your meds or get Auf’d, and soon.
He tells us he dreamt of candy so he'll win this one hands down. I think he dreams of candy most every night, swimming in a Kool Aid river and looking for his Chocolate Boyfriend who looks like Christopher because Christopher is either, A] threatened by Gunnar's fabulous sense of style, or, 2] threatened by Gunnar's fabulous personality, or C] Gunnar.Loves.Him.
Not to worry, I've placed a call to the Delusion Police and Gunnar is the subject of a new Amber Alert. Be on the look-out for his brain.
Gunnar, who cannot let go of his thirteen-year-old-girl crush on Christopher, says if he had immunity like Christopher he'd go all risk risk risk. This, I guess, to him, means checkerboard top, pencil skirt, with a freaking peplum.
Gunnar is one of the most annoying contestants ever on the PR, and I’m taking Kenley and Josh into account when I say that. And, to be fair, even if I found Gunnar slightly amusing or even moderately talented, I would have picked his outfit as a Top Three.
Too simple. Kinda boring. And while the peplum stood out in the front, as peplums are supposed to--like I know a peplum from a Pepto--it was flat and lifeless in the back, much like Gunnar's personality. Heidi liked the print while Dylan said it was creative--though she didn't complain about his lack of color. Kors liked the accessorizing--which means, Good job, but you ain't gonna win because a jelly bean bracelet is not worth immunity. Nina called it fun and serious. And every time anyone spoke Gunnar breathlessly said, Thin Q. Thin Q. Oh, tha'so nice. Thin Q.
Good god, I'm learning to speak Gunnar.
Gummy Sharks, Jelly Beans, Gumballs
Sonjia created a beautiful dress. I loved the shark gummies around the neck; they looked like a gorgeous jeweled neck piece.
Plus, she’s nice, and she can sew, and she can design. And her dress was very pretty, although…..
It kinda looked like Mermaid who works in a Clamshell Diner; I got that from the hat even before Heidi mentioned it. Had she left the hat off, it might have scored higher, though still have lost to Dmitry Was Robbed.
Heidi liked the texture, but also hated the hat, while Dylan also praised Texture and loved the use of all the shades of blue and turquoise. Kors muttered well done, while Nina said it looked like Judy Jetson as a mermaid, but cute and adorable.
He's so serious, seriously bland, except for his clothes. Laugh a little Ven. Crack a smile. I bet if you glue-gunned Gunnar to a wall you'd finally laugh.
His design was flawless, perfectly executed, but it looked like the same rose motif in the skirt that he used in both designs from last week. I was amazed not one of the judges mentioned that.
I mean, maybe his collection will be called Rose, but for right now, let’s move on.
Pansies would be nice if you like the flower idea.
Still, Ven is one of the designers to watch this season. I loved his vision for creating stained glass and how he saw it in the candy shop and then completely brought it to life. He does have vision and follow through, which some of the other designers sorely lack.
Heidi wants it. It's stunning. She'd wear it. Nina called it sublime, and on trend and candy couture. Kors was stunned because, at first he couldn't even tell what kind of candy Ven had used, but called it clean [is that a compliment?] and chic. Dylan loved that he changed the candy but wished he's used a variety of goodies.
Still, his clean eye, his use of the sublime and the chic got Ven the win. And he shrieked like a girl and pranced around the stage and danced a jig and....
Yeah, he said Thanks and slowly walked off. He's like the Tortoise in Tortoise and the Hare. Slow and steady, slow and steady.

What did YOU Think?


the dogs mother said...

Kooan - Cotton Candy, Licorice, Jelly Beans, a Wing and a Prayer - lololol!

I kindof liked Fabio's and we loved Snape's (Dmitry) - if he had just put some candy on the top.

Andrea- WTF - yes.

In all the unconventional challenge I don't remember any outfit falling apart as much as beige-warrior-woman.

Toddlers and Tiaras Gone Berserk - yes, but still loves, loves Buffi. Hope she crazies it until the end when they just can't justify keeping her on.

I think Ven will be okay if he doesn't use the swirly rose thing next week. Wonder who he will be paired with? The ultimate pairing would be with Kooan...

R.J. said...

Kooan - He won't be around much longer. Enjoy the craziness while you can.

Lantie - Overstayed her welcome by a week.

Dmitry - Great design but the fabric top cost him. Looks like he did the opposite of what Buffi did.

Buffi - Did not deserve second worst. That should have been Elena.

Elena - You'll never miss that dress. There will be a trail of pina colada licorice wherever it goes.

Gunnar - He did well, but Sonjia and Ven transformed the candy into wearable outfits a little better.

Andrea - She got a pass for THAT???

Miss Ginger Grant said...

This-year Christopher reminds me of Last-year Christopher- or was it Season-8 Christopher- the one who served Tim Gunn dinner out of Sam's Club Aluminum Foil Pans. The one that cried a lot- and nobody thought he could sew- but he always made pretty dresses.

They are totally interchangeable.

Kooann needs to go quickly if I am to continue watching this show. He makes me wince.