I'm not an expert, but having babies must be hard, so I, for one, would wanna knock back a shot of tequila or two after poppin' out a Mini Me, much less two Mini Me's.
So that's apparently what happened with Mariah Carey after she gave birth to her her two Mini Mimi's, AKA Monroe and Moroccan on April 30.
Sidenote: Monroe is the girl? Moroccan is a boy? What happened to Mike and Sue? This makes Apple sound almost normal, and there ain't nothin' normal about Paltrow, m'kay?
Anyhoo, back to Nick and MooMoo, er, Mimi, er, Mariah, and their bundles of badly named babies. It seems that, while in the hospital, someone called Child Protective Services on the Nick and Mariah Carey.
Yes, I know, the last name is technically Cannon, but you know darn well that folks call him Mr. Carey and Mimi loves that.
But about that CPS call. Nick told Piers Morgan that "Child Protective Services actually came to me, [and] said that they were here to see me because there had been allegations that there was drug and alcohol use during the stay in the hospital."
Nick began the spin.
He said it was all a mistake because someone involved in Carey's care was overheard discussing a beer that ALLEGEDLY boosts breast milk production. But, um, we all know how Mimi loves her champagne--in fact, I thought she dubbed the offspring Dom and Veuve--so I wonder if Mimi was sippin' on the bubbly after spitting out the spuds.
You know, if you're an up-and-coming starlet or singer or dancer, or whatever it is that Ali Lohan thinks she wants to be today, you try to emulate someone who's gone before you and achieved success. You find a role model and say, "I wanna be like that." Then again, if you're Ali Lohan, who exactly do you have to look up to, if you get my meaning.
You can become a media whore like your mama, selling your children to the highest bidder and then championing them as they fight arrest after arrest and enter rehab like it's a summer holiday. Or, you can try to reinvent yourself as your sister, who's been accused of everything from car theft to possession of drugs to kidnapping to jewel theft to drug possession to being drunk in public to being a really bad actress.
Yup, those two are the women to whom Ali Lohan aspires to be.
It seems Ali joined the Star Tattoo club, and is the latest female Lohan, after Dina and Lindsanity, to get a star tattooed on her left wrist.
Nice, I guess, but it also marks another Ali-Lindsay link: doing something illegal. See, 17-year-old Ali lives in California where it's illegal to get inked if you're under eighteen, even with a parent's--I giggle, because Dina is so not a parent--consent..
Ali has tried her whole life to be Lindsay Jr. She began modeling as a baby, appeared in her big sister's music--I giggle because Lindsay can't sing--videos, and even tried her hand at being a singer herself. And ALLEGEDLY this wee star tattoo isn't Ali's first one. There are reports that she has the same 'bella vita' tat on her back that Lindsay has on hers.
Next up? A jailhouse tat like her sister.
Even actresses can get a little litigious.
Case in point: Rosie Perez says she was injured on the set of 'Law & Order: SVU' way back in 2009 and now she's taking legal action against the NBC show.
It seems Rosie was filming a guest role on the hit New York City-based crime drama when a scene called for an extra to forcibly shake her. Now, Rosie says the violent action caused her to suffer a herniated disc which took two surgeries to correct.
And she wants cash, only she doesn't have a clue as to how much.
Still, she says the shaking should have been done by a stuntman who knows how to handle these things and not just some no-named extra on-set that day. Perez's lawyer Brian O'Dwyer, says, "This person was not a stuntman, he was just an extra."
Trouble is, even after being injured Perez continued to work on the show, and now claims her injuries have worsened. O'Dwyer says, "There was pressure on her to continue and finish up the episode and she did."
I like me some Rosie Perez, but I have trouble with this. You get hurt at work, and say nothing ALLEGEDLY, and then continue to work, and then you sue for your injuries, without naming a specific amount of money. You just say you want "very substantial" damages.
Perez underwent two surgeries to correct the problem, and O'Dwyer says "She's still suffering severe pain, numbness of the arms, and she'll never be the same despite the surgery." He also says that the injury caused her to be unable to work for almost a year.
Now, again, I love Rosie, but it isn't like she's the in-demand actress, like say, a Jennifer Love Hewitt--who always seems to find a job--and again: You get hurt at work, stop working. You want to sue because you got hurt, how about suing only for your out of pocket medical bills.
I mean, to say you don't know how much money you want makes me think this is all about a payday.
It's the American idol Also-Ran Feud.
Former American Idol contestants Adam Lambert and James Durbin--neither of whom won the title--are trading jabs at one another in the press.
After James Durbin was voted off last week in the most shocking elimination in all of Idol history--I kid, because that title goes to the year JHud was voted off--Adam Lambert took issue with Durbin. In fact, he said he was tiring of Durbin as the competition wound down: “I think he’s got talent and passion 100 percent, but I feel like he’s trying way too hard. Also, his niche is so limited with the metal. When he did that “Heavy Metal” song (by Sammy Hagar), James was note-perfect. He was on pitch, which is usually kind of an issue, and I think he sounded really good, but it felt like a copycat. I didn’t feel like I was seeing an original artist yet. And I’m not saying he doesn’t have that in him, but it hasn’t been showing.”
Oh dear! The leather gloves have come off.
See, when Durbin heard this news, he responded to MTV with: “I was nothing (but) nice to that guy, [and] he decided to take it to a different level. Whatever.”
Whatever? I think Durbin needs some debating skills, rather than fall back on the all-encompassing 'whatever'. But he did try and distance himself from Lambert: “I don’t know what the comparison’s all about. He sings pop and electronic, and I sing rock and metal.”
And Lambert has a Grammy nod and you don't
And he has a hit record and you don't.
And he has a record deal and you don't
And he kissed a guy on TV.
Those wacky Grammers.
They've been so quiet since Kelsey quickly divorced former porn-star-turned-exotic-dancer-turned-Beverly-Hills-Housewife-turned-ex-wife so he could marry a women a few months older than his oldest daughter, that I thought all was lovely-dovey between the former spouses.
Not so much.
Kelsey Grammer just filed for sole physical custody of their two young children.
Camille responded with, How dare he! I'm their mother. No one loves that girl, Mary? Margaret? Whatever? than me. And that little boy, the younger one right? I love him with all my heart. In fact, I see them for lunch every other Thursday.
But now Kelsey Grammer believes that his children--and, Camille? They're names are Mason and Jude, so you might wanna jot than down--have been caught in the middle of an emotional tug of war between Former Missus Grammer, Mister Grammer, and Current Missus Grammer.
Kelsey, though, might have a hard time convincing a judge he should have sole custody. The children live in LA with their mother, while he lives in Chicago with the Fourth Missus...or Fifth? In fact, to be fair, Camille wanted to split custody, but that's hard when you live 2,000 miles apart.
How does Dad pick them up after school? In a Lear jet landing on the football field?
Hell hath no fury like a woman, or Charlie Sheen, scorned.
He has taken about a nanosecond to mock the decision to replace him on 'Two and a Half Men' with Ashton Kutcher. He has called the 'That '70s Show' alum a "sweetheart" but says the choice will bring the show down.
Really? I don't know if I buy that, because for years, drugs and hookers and rehab and bad press didn't bring the show down.
A friend of Charlie's--and by friend I mean coke-smuggling-porn-star--says, "He really thought that he would be invited back. After years of suffering no consequences for his behavior, why would he think anything else? Finally it has sunk in that he doesn't live by different rules to everyone else. Actions do have a consequences."
For his part, Ashton, while doing cartwheels and planning on how to spend his weekly five-figure salary, has been polite, saying "I can't replace Charlie Sheen but I'm going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!"
Of course, drug-and-bipolar-fueled Charlie responded with, "Ashton Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer. Oh wait, so am I!! Enjoy the show America, Enjoy seeing 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there."
Yeah, it sounds like he's really trying to get his job back.
Andy Dick used to be a TV star.
Now he stars in mug shots and bad press.
The latest shocker? Andy Dick is in trouble again for ALLEGEDLY crossing the line with a comedy fan down in Texas, who says, in a lawsuit, of course, that, during a show, Dick took out his dick, and put it on the man's head.
Andy Dick. Dick. Dickhead.
Just wanted to get them all out.
Robert Tucker, who filed his suit this week in Dallas County, says that back in December, he went to see Andy Dick's live comedy show, but wasn't at all entertained. He ALLEGES that the comedian was singing in a blond wig, black camisole and loose red skirt, and then came off-stage to mingle with the crowd. That's when the Dick's dick appeared.
It seems that Tucker, who stated the show wasn't very good, asked Andy Dick for an autograph while Dick was in the crowd, and, ALLEGEDLY, the comic replied to Tucker's request by sidling up close and kneeling on a tall bar stool, before opening the skirt, reveling that he was going commando, and then gently laid his genitals on Tucker's head.
Andy's Dick Dickhead.
The lawsuit explains: "Defendant Dick then, while still controlling Plaintiff's head with his hand, forced his genitals against the left side of Plaintiff's face." Tucker's lawsuit cites defamation of conduct and infliction of emotional distress, and seeks unspecified damages, or, at the very least, a phone call from Dick.
And flowers. Flowers would be nice.