Saturday, May 28, 2011

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......

What do you do if you used to be on TV and now you hawk sentimental jewelry on HSN? Well, you could drag your ass to every news outlet to report some gossip about people you don't know.
It seems former B-list actress, now D-list huckster, Jane Seymour, has decided to open her yap and add her two pence about the Arnold Schwarzenegger love child with the maid.
She says she knows there are more children out there who have Terminator DNA, and she used this used to get herself on CNN, where she said: "I was not even remotely surprised. The moment I heard it, that there was an announcement of their separation -- he was obviously jumping the gun before everyone else told the world of the news."
And then she dropped a bimboshell, which is kind of like a bombshell, only from a moron:  "From what I gather, I think there will be lots of information coming people's way. I heard about two more [out of wedlock kids] somebody else knows about. I even met someone who knows him well."
See? She knows someone who knows someone who knows him well, probably because they parked Arnie's car in Beverly Hills once.
Hey, Dr. Quinn? Heal thyself, and then STFU.

Rumor has it that newly selected 'X-Factor' judge Cheryl Cole has ALLEGEDLY been asked to dump her "boyfriend" of one year, the ALLEGEDLY light-in-the-ballet-slippers 'Dancing with the Stars' pro Derek Hough, so that so she can create a better image for herself.
Apparently a London newspaper, The Mirror, is saying that Fox executives are trying to make Cole the sex symbol of the show and bluntly asked her to break it off with Hough.
A source--and by source, I mean Derek Hough's ALLEGED ex-boyfriend--says: "Derek may be dreaming of worldwide stardom but he's seen as a small-time dancer on a TV show... and pretty uncool. TV executives are thinking that if she's going to win over Hollywood, she'd be better off doing it as a sassy and single girl-about-town."
Um, who says sassy single girl about town besides someone visiting from 1963?
But then the source backtracks, and says the execs want Cole to maybe date a different guy in Hollywood, like maybe one who isn't constantly battling the does-he-or-doesn't-he-like-the-mens rumor.
Cole is said to be devastated by the request to lose the Hough, especially since Derek held her hand while she went through a messy divorce last year and held her hair while she vomited during a bout with malaria.
Let's see, he holds your hand while you divorce and holds your hair while you puke?
Oh, honey, he's a mo. ALLEGEDLY.
UPDATE: Cole has been "let go" from 'X Factor' and will be replaced by Pussycat Dolls lead singer Nicole Scherzinger.
Now she won't have to give up her gay.

Hell hath no fury like a Kennedy woman with a cheating husband.
Isn't that the old saying? See, Maria Shriver seems to be living up to that adage.
When the story broke about their separation, it was sad enough. Twenty-five years of marriage down the tubes. But then new details began to emerge, about things like schtupping the maid, and fathering children and maybe misappropriating states funds a s governor to pay off your baby maid mama.
And who is doing all this leaking of news? Well, some folks--and by some folks, I mean TMZ, and they would know--say it's Maria Shriver who is airing the dirty laundry.
According to TMZ, a "hysterical" Maria wanted to hold a press conference after learning the truth about the true paternity of Mildred Patty Baena's son, but was convinced to just leak the story to a pair of media outlets. 
And then, just as suddenly, negative stories about Mildred began appearing in the press, and people are speculating that that kind of bad press is the kind used by PR people and media insiders. People who usually work for high-powered public officials.
One such media insider--and it may be Jane Seymour--says: "Arnold and his people have long been known to fight hard to make sure they got rid of any negative stories about him. No one is more aggressive than Arnold's team, which explains why he has been able to hide this story for over a decade."
And a A-list publicist--and by A-list publicist, I mean, mailroom clerk at CAA--says: "Anyone that thinks these stories are just popping up by themselves is naive. This is obviously an attempt to distract attention from the man who caused all this and direct it to Maria, who has done nothing wrong. Just because it's worked for him in the past, it's not going to work this time."
Who do you think is the leak? Arnold? Maria? Deep Throat?
Or me?

Does anyone seriously think that going on a TV show to find a spouse is a good thing, and that it actually works?
It's not working this time...either. It seems that Emily Maynard, who won the hand of Brad Womack, after knowing him for a few weeks while he dated twenty-five other girls, made out with about a dozen of those, probably schtupped a few, and the settled on her, has given him back the engagement ring.
It all began when Maynard was spotted running errands in Charlotte, N.C., without the rock that ABC bought for Brad Womack to present to her on 'The Bachelor' finale.
Oh, but she didn't give the ring back to Brad, she returned it to the network.
Aaaah, love. Or at least made-up-for-ratings TV love.
Sources--and by sources I mean every news agency that Maynard and Womack have on speed dial in their efforts to become famous for sixteen minutes--claim that the couple's long-distance relationship was just too hard to continue, and that Maynard ALLEGEDLY initiated the breakup after visiting Womack in Texas.
Hmmm, she lives in North Carolina and he lives in Texas. Yeah, that would have worked.
The lesson to learn? The Bachelor, and The Bachelorette, are sham shows and no one ever gets married and lives happily ever after. Except for that first girl.

Someone is a bitch.
And it's either Zach Galifianakis or January Jones.
It seems that during an interview, Jones called Galifianakis the funniest man she'd ever met, and he ALLEGEDLY called to thank her for the compliment.
But then the bitchitude started.
It seems that at some recent star-studded Hollywood event, like the People's Choice Awards, or the opening of a new Piggly Wiggly, Jones called Galifianakis over to her table, and then things went sour.
Let's have Zach tell the story: "I sit at her table and talk for 10 minutes, and she goes, 'I think it's time for you to leave now. So I say, 'January, you are an actress in a show and everybody's going to forget about you in a few years, so f-cking be nice,' and I got up and left."
Ooooh, suh-nap!
i don't know who this Galifianakis fella is, but he just might be my new hero.
Plus, he knows how to rock the red one-piece, and that's hard to do.

I guess it pays to be a wacktress of some infamy. At least if you're Lindsay Lohan.
It seems the jewel thief and prescription drug abuser was actually spared serving her four-month sentence at the Lynwood Jail this week, and was instead ordered confined to her own home for the next four months.
Really? Jewel thieves can stay at home as long as they wear the monitoring anklet?
"She is now confined to the interior premises of her home at all times," LA Sheriff's spokesman, Steve Whitmore.
Wow. The horror! Forced to stay in her Venice Beach home. I wanna be a drug addict, DUI'er, jewel thief and kidnapper, so I can get the Venice Beach jail.
And there are reports that Lohan could spend as little as two weeks on house arrest if she displays good behavior. Good behavior? In her own home? What does that mean? She has to clean up after she eats? She needs to share the rmeote? She has to be nice? Okay, that last one might be hard.
And, of course, she will still have to complete her 480 ordered hours of community service at a downtown LA women's shelter and the county morgue.
The morgue? Maybe she can look for her career while she's there.


Cubby said...

It's funny that you don't know who Zach Galifianakis is, while I have no idea who January Jones is.

Jim said...

Thanks again Bob for giving me my weekly fix of Lindsay Lohan gossip. LOL!
Have a great Memorial Day weekend.

Prince Toddy English said...

Aw, poor wittle Jane Seymour. You know she is trying really hard to get an audition for the next Lifetime "Moment of Truth" movie. All publicity is good publicity!

Robyn said...

Props to Cheryl Cole for hanging onto Derek Hough. Men are like diamonds. You trade up, not settle for a cubic zirconia like Simon Cowell.

Anonymous said...

me lurve galifianakis.....he's too furny. good for him to let that gurl have it. He's probably right.

I feel terrible for Shriver but happy that the Swartzenegger wont be back. I always thought that was a twisted relationship.