Snarky Thoughts

We all know Matthew Perry was a raging drug and alcohol addict while on Friends but we know more now because he’s written a book to tell us … like how he wished death upon Keanu Reeves. Perry was online bitch-slapped for the part in his memoir where he wonders why actors like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die too soon, but “Keanu Reeves still walks among us” and offered up some BS apology saying he just grabbed a name out of the sky and it turned out to be Keanu Reeves.

My Thought: Sorry, Matthew but why not say “And yet I still walk among you.” I mean after decades of rampant drug use and, in your own words, nearly $9,000,000 spent on rehab stays, you are lucky to still be walking, so, yeah, to paraphrase the immortal Chris Crocker, “Leave Keanu alone!”

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A year ago, all anyone could talk about was Adele’s long awaited fourth album, 30, and its first single. ‘Easy On Me.’ But then the second single was supposed to be ‘I Drink Wine’ … AKA My Personal Theme Song … and we got ‘Oh My God’ instead. Well, now ‘I Drink Wine’ was released Adele gave an interview where she said Taylor Swift is one of the greatest songwriters of our generation.

My Thought: Perhaps Adele should rename the song, ‘I Drank Too Much Wine And Spewed Some Shiz.’

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Dame Judi Dench recently wrote an op-ed for The Sunday Times taking Netflix to task for ALLEGEDLY playing fast and loose with the facts on The Crown. And apparently she has that much power because Netflix has added a disclaimer to season five indicating that anything you might hear … like former Prince, now King, Charles, while still married to Diana,  telling his mistress Camilla that he wanted to be reincarnated as a tampon so he could live inside her … is a “fictional dramatization” of events that may or may not be true … even if you heard the words committed to tape for all the world to hear.

My Thought: Netflix backed down, but shaded Dame Judi by revealing that she was in talks to play The Queen Mother during the fifth Tampon Season but turned it down because she wasn’t getting as many coins as Imelda Staunton, who plays The Queen. The Queen Mother role then went to Marcia Warren, who had no issue with the paycheck.

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Big surprise … Gisele Bündchen  and Tom Brady’s marriage is over and has been for several weeks now as their lawyers have already hammered out a settlement and reached an agreement on property and custody of their two children. Gisele filed documents in Florida today and Tom sat on his hands and Boom! they’re done.

My Thought: How many minutes until Tom gets a twenty-something model on his arm because you know he’s all about the trophy!

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If you had Armie Hammer’s new career as “timeshare salesman” on your Hollywood Career Change Bingo Card, you are a winner. Yes, after Armie’s career died amid the accusation of being a cannibalistic sexaholic and the horrid box office of Death on the Nile, Hammer worked as a timeshare salesman in the Cayman Islands. Perhaps he needed the coins because, like Tori Spelling—wow, not even six degrees separate Tori and Armie—American Express says he’s been dodging a $67,000 credit card balance, and they’re taking him to court over it.

My Thought: Cannibalism doesn’t pay enough to pay the AMEX.

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