Snarky Thoughts

Reboots annoy me because I say why mess with the original unless it was a real piece of crap. And Naked Gun, and all its sequels, were far from crap. They were stupid humor and sight gag riots and very funny, yet Hollywood clearly thinks it’s time to revive them. So, who will they get to star, and take over the role made famous by Leslie Nielsen? It’s none other than comedy legend Liam Neeson, who is  in talks to take over the role as Nielsen’s character’s son, Frank Drebin Jr.

My Thought: I’ve seen Liam nekkid and perhaps they should call the film Naked Bazooka. But please don’t make Naked Gun: 5: Taken: 6.

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Kevin Spacey took the stand in his own defense to dispute allegations he sexually assaulted actor Anthony Rapp four decades ago, and promptly told the jury that his father was a neo-Nazi.

My Thought: Spacey’s first excuse for being an ALLEGED pedophile was that he’s a gay man because we all know gay men fuck children, but now he’s switched up to ‘Daddy was a Nazi.”? You’re a perv, Kevin, you’re a perv.

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I used to think Khloé Kardastrophe  was the Queen of Standing By Her Man Who Sticks His Peen Wherever He can, but it looks country singer and actor Jana Kramer—never heard of her? Me either—is stealing the crown. But now Kramer has decided to divorce former football player Mike Caussin—who told her he would dump her ass if she ever cheated—and ALLEGES that he cheated on her with thirteen different women.

My Thought: Do Tristan or Caussin have magic penises? I mean, why else would women put up with this?

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If you have always believed the Kardastrophe’s are a Koven, I have some proof for you. After years of running around pimping sex tapes of her daughter, and the lives of her other spawn, That Woman had to have hip-replacement surgery. But instead of showering her mother with good wishes and kindness, Kimmy asked for Mama’s hip bones so she could turn them into jewelry.

My Thought: I know That Woman is, as kd lang once famously sang, A Big Boned Gal, but seriously how many pairs of earrings can you get from her hip bones? 200? 300?

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I don’t know much about actor Megan Fox but I do know I love this story. Fox—who rarely shares public photos of her children—did share pictures of herself posing seductively on a swing at the home she shares with fiancé Machine Gun Kelly. And one troll decided to come for her by asking, “Where your kids at?” and Fox replied: 

“Wait wait wait. I…have kids?!? Oh my god I knew I forgot something!! Quick, someone call the valet at the Beverly Hills hotel. That’s the last place I remember seeing them. Maybe someone turned them into lost and found.”

My Thought: and that’s how the clap back is done.

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I loathe Tom Brady, and today, if possible, I loathe him even more. Brady was a guest on the Let’s Go podcast and decided to talk—which is clearly not his strong suit, but neither is staying married—about how he has a tough time focusing on his family during football season. And he compared himself, a pampered self-entitled multi-millionaire athlete plays a game and then goes home to his mansion every night to … wait for it, it’s epic … to service members; Brady actually said leaving for “football season [is] like you’re going away on deployment for the military. And it’s like, ‘Man, here I go again.’”

My Thought: Brady should shut the fuck up, but since we know he won’t, why not donate, oh I dunno, all of his salary to members of the military who put their lives on the line and come home disfigured and battered and suffering PTSD just so he can throw a football and win a ring.

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