Bobservations

The other morning I was in the back of the house doing some work on the computer when I heard Carlos in the laundry room and then a crash. I started to ask what had happened, but Carlos beat me to it.

“What fell?”

“Nothing back here. What happened in the laundry room?”

“Nothing, but I heard a crash.”

I met him in the hallway and he asked:

“Was it in the bedroom?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t in the bedroom.”

“Was it in the bathroom?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t in the bathroom.”

“Was it in the guestroom?”

I shrieked in my best Carol Burnett as Eunice voice:

“I WAS IN THE OFFICE!”

Carlos goes into our bathroom and into the closet all the while saying, “Was it in here? Was it in here?”

Sidenote: I went to the kitchen and saw the culprit: Ozzo. He loves to sneak cat food from their dishes the moment we leave the room and he got tangled up in the cord to the landline and pulled the phone off the counter.

Carlos is still searching the house for signs of a crash.

I can already picture Junior and The Dumb One sneaking onto the golf course at midnight to dig up Mommy because Daddy needs a few documents.

The authorities in Accra, Ghana are investigating after a man was mauled to death by a lion after climbing into a zoo enclosure. Authorities suspect he may have planned to steal two rare white lion cubs which have become a big draw since their birth last November and the cubs’ mother attacked him.

Sorry, not sorry.

Remember Brandy Bottone, the  pregnant Dallas woman who made headlines after arguing that she was allowed to drive in the HOV lane because under Texas’ new abortion law her unborn baby counted as the second passenger?

Her citation was dismissed. However, Bottone has since received a second ticket for the same offense at roughly the same location and she again maintains that, under the law, and the fact that her citation was dismissed meant she could use the HOV lane.

Brandy’s testing Texas and I am here for it.

In North Carolina, Jonathan Young, a former Sunday school teacher, was sentenced to 87 years in prison for abusing and sexually assaulting at least three young girls behind church walls and on church buses.

In Arkansas, Keenan Hord was arrested on a charge of sexual indecency with a child during his time as a youth pastor and faces charges that include sexual assault and possessing sexually explicit material involving a child; he’s accused of molesting over 30 boys.

In Tennessee, Jason Kennedy and Brittney Branham, the principal and secretary of the Liberty Christian School in Riceville were arrested and charged with improper sexual activity in front of an underage teen and former student at the pastor’s home.

But, again, tell me how Drag Queen Story Hours are damaging to children when it clearly looks like churches are so dangerous.

Best dressed at last weekend’s VMA’s was none other than Lil Nas X—AKA Montero—who wore a gorgeous Harris Reed look. Somewhere in  Malibu, Cher threw a teacup at the TV and screamed:

“Bitch stole my look.”

And he rocked it.

A Southwest Airlines pilot helming a flight to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, took to the plane’s intercom and threatened to return the aircraft to its departure gate at the airport if passengers didn’t stop sending nude photos to him via iPhone’s AirDrop feature.

Um, I need to see a phot of the pilot, and maybe some of the nudes, cuz I have my own nude selfies queued up and ready to go.

The ashes of Nichelle Nichols, AKA Lieutenant Nyota Uhura in the original Star Trek, will be sent into deep space on a rocket fittingly called the Vulcan Centaur, with the memorial spaceflight company, Celestis, running the “Enterprise Flight” mission.

Nichols’ son, Kyle Johnson, donated her ashes after she passed away in July. Nichols will be joined by the remains of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry and his wife, Majel Barrett, who played nurse Christine Chapel in the series, and James Doohan, who played the Enterprise’s engineer, Scotty.

Fitting, no?

Caylan Hughes is a 36-year0old model, actor, personal trainer, nutritionist/dietician and Hot Ginger, but all that matters is: Would You Hit It?