Bobservations

A couple of quickies …Carlos is still feeding, twice daily, Not Our Cat Comet, who has now also been coming into the back yard when Ozzo is out there, and the two of them wander around together. I think Carlos and Ozzo are tag-teaming to get Comet into the house but, again, she is not our cat.

Secondly … whenever Carlos tells me he had a bad dream I almost always say:

“Your father and Saby [Carlos’ old boss] having sex on a horse?”

And he says, No! And I make up other dreams, and this goes on for several minutes. Well, he said that this morning and then said he’d planned on having an egg for breakfast and now he wasn’t, so I asked:

“Was the dream your father and Saby having sex in an egg?”

“Nooooo.”

“You were having egg sex?”

“NOOOOOO!”

“You were trapped inside an egg?”

“I’m not Lady Gaga.”

And there’s the fun; Carlos’ knowledge of pop culture runs at about a zero, so for him to not only recall Gaga in the egg, but then to say it aloud, was a milestone in my trying to educate him about pop culture.

By George, I think he’s got it.

Now, Tuxedo isn’t really advocating cannibalism, but, you know, it is food for thought.

Please take note of those politicians that did not make an appearance at the one-year anniversary of the insurrection today, and also note the ones who do appear but voted not to certify the election last year because they are all complicit.

Special sidenote: Thing 45 was going to have his own rally at Mar-A-Lago today but cancelled when it began to look like heaps of bad taste. I was hoping he’d do it and incriminate himself in the process.

Y’all know that I used to be a drug mule right? Hiding balloons of coke up my bum for a six-hour flight from South America to the US? Well, I wish I’d had the nerve of one Patrick Florence of Florida—that’s his cute mug shot up there—when I got arrested.

After the police pulled Florence over for a traffic stop, they found cocaine and methamphetamine wrapped around his penis but he swore the drugs weren’t his. Clearly, someone hid the drugs on his dick while he, um, wasn’t looking?

An unnamed man suffered serious injuries last week when he tried to feed or pet a tiger after hours at the Naples Zoo in Florida.

Good, but … the tiger was shot and killed by sheriff’s deputies in an effort to free the man.

The tiger was being a tiger and the man was being a complete fuckmonkey, and yet it’s the tiger that died.

Close all zoos.

I've been on that new margarita diet for a week now and the only thing I lost was my drivers' license.

Orange County Deputy District Attorney Kelly Ernby, who ran for state Assembly in 2020 and had become a leader with the Republican Party of Orange County, has died suddenly, a week after telling friends she was very sick with COVID-19.

She used Twitter to rail about her opposition to vaccine mandates, calling them socialist attacks on our freedoms. for COVID-19 vaccines.

She was 46 years old. Sorry, not sorry.

We watched a little Randy Andy Cooper and Andy Cohen on New Year’s Eve, but it will probably be the last time. Anderson is cute and funny, while Andy is that old bitter angry stupid drunk gay guy no one wants around. Except CNN, who say he’ll be back again next year.

I won’t be.

Martin Ivanov began modeling after being crowned Mister Bulgaria in 2012, so if you’d like to hit a pageant winner … here’s your chance: Would You Hit It?