The Blah-plosion

So, I have been Blah, and as I said yesterday, Carlos, very empathetically, told me to:

“Change your mood.”

Then for that whole day, he’d ask if I was still feeling ‘blah,’ while wearing a little smirk on his face. At one point he suggested I take a walk, and I said a walk isn’t the cure, or the answer; these are feelings that I need to work through and you cannot walk or wish them away. And he said:

“Well, I’m really getting tired of the blah-sy attitude.”

Cue Blah-plosion.

I let him have it because, while the blahs are hard to explain, him saying that to me pissed me off, and mama ain’t happy when she’s pissed off. I told him, that had he come to me and said he was feeling blah, or depressed, or anxious, or worried, the first words out of my mouth would have been:

“Can I do anything to help?”

I told him it wasn’t the virus, and it was the virus; it wasn’t not going to work and it was not going to work; it wasn’t the animals, but it was; it wasn’t him but it was; it was the sunshine; it was nighttime; it was everything and nothing. It was my Dad, and my worry about him 3,000 miles away.

But what it was that pissed me off was his blasé attitude about it. There are the rare times Carlos and I actually fight, a lot of loud angry words, a lot of airing of feelings, and a lot of apologies … from his side.

I again explained that this is not something you can wish, walk, or help away; it needed to be worked through, in my way, at my pace. Again, he apologized and I told him just be a little more compassionate; I told him I know he takes everything too personally and that he felt I was angry at him because of my mood. I said:

“Twenty years and you still don’t think when I have a problem with you, I don’t tell you?”

And we kinda laughed, and let it go, and this morning, the blackness lifted a little, and so I told him maybe yelling at him was the answer.

It’s not, but hopefully he got the message, and when this happens again, and it will, though it’s a once or twice a year thing, and usually lasts about three days, he might be more understanding.

If not … I’ll yell. Maybe it’ll work again.

PS Thank you all for your kind words yesterday. They meant a lot.