Saturday, May 30, 2020

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ...


A little over a week after Jaime King—after a quick Smart Lookup I’ve discovered is an actress—filed for divorce from her estranged husband Kyle Newman—after a quick Smart Lookup I’ve discovered is a film director—and the requisite ‘parting ways amicably,’ and ‘please respect our privacy,’ the two decided to unleash the messiness.

The instant Jaime filed for divorce, she also obtained a temporary restraining order against Kyle, and sought sole custody of their two sons, but was denied; the dueling former lovers will have to try and play nice while co-parenting. And then all hell broke loose …

Jaime claims her marriage has been horrible for the last six years, and accuses Kyle of isolating her from professional contacts, employers, and friends. Jaime ALLEGES that Kyle flew to Canada in February—where she was filming a movie—and verbally harassed her in the lunchroom; she ALLEGES that Kyle followed her to a friend’s home, screamed at her, and then chased her down with his car; she ALLEGES that Kyle has berated her, told her she’s a bad mother, and that she now lives in fear.

For his part, Kyle ALLEGEDLY told Jaime’s family and friends that she was struggling with addiction and needed help. Kyle ALLEGES that Jaime is a chronic opiate and alcohol user who is not capable of caring for their sons and refuses real treatment; he has ALLEGED that Jaime used drugs while pregnant with their younger son, and they discovered their 20-week-old fetus was addicted to drugs in his mother’s womb. Kyle ALLEGES  Jaime has driven under the influence with the children in the car, and that she once left their son with his nanny during a doctor’s appointment to  make a booze run; he ALLEGES that the nanny had to track down Jaime after the appointment, where she was still shopping for booze. Kyle also accuses a drunk or high Jaime of improperly buckling their youngest into his car seat, not closing the vehicle door, and speeding off. She was flagged down by the nanny and a pedestrian, who saw the child hanging out of the vehicle.

Well, so much for amicable and privacy. Amirite?
Someone is desperate for attention, but it’s a Kardastrophe, so that’s no shock.

During lockdown, Khloe Kardastrophe has found lots of ways to occupy her time: she’s been caught up in a paternity test as another woman claims Khloe’s Baby Daddy, Tristan ‘I can’t keep my dick to myself’ Thompson, is her Baby Daddy; rumors flew that Khloe was once again pregnant by her serial cheater boyfriend …the aforementioned Thompson; she was dragged over wasting toilet paper in a pandemic; and now this …

Khloe has a new face, y’all, and it’s Number Seven! After she posted the picture, above right, to Instagram to show off her new hair color, most folks were all “Who dis?” Is it FaceTune? Is it a Blow-Up Khloe Doll?

Nope, it’s just another new face, which completes the changing of Khloe Kardastrophe into looking nothing like Khloe Kardastrophe. But it may be a good thing, because now maybe Tristan ‘I can’t keep my dick to myself’ Thompson will think he’s boning a new girl, when he’s really boning the same old Khloe in a new plastic face.
Y’all can rest easy, because Millionaire Troll Doll, Mary-Kate Olsen’s five-year marriage to Olivier Sarkozy is officially dunzo and she’s been able to secure herself a new place to live.

MKO is renting a mansion in the Hamptons for the Summer because, yeah, she’s a millionaire and no longer homeless.

But it must have been fun to play act like a regular person kicked out of her home by her soon-to-be ex-husband, but even though MKO could no longer live in her apartment she shared with Sarkozy, she did have her pick of an apartment she owns on East 49th Street, and a Bridgehampton home she owned. Pity poor MKO … until she coughed up $325,000 to rent that Hampton’s home.

Sorry, not sorry. One Percent problems don’t interest me.
Elon Musk and Grimes attempted to seem very hip and cool … and kinda stupid … when they name their son, X Æ A-12 Musk, until the state of California stepped in and said, “Look, we drew the line as Apple.”

Or because you can’t use numbers in a person’s name.

Grimes says that in accordance with California law, their son’s new name is X Æ A-XII. See what they did? They switched out the Arabic numerals for Roman numerals. How clever, except …

The proud parents don’t know how to pronounce the name. Grimes says it’s pronounced: X-A-I A-Twelve, while Elon says it’s pronounced: X-Ash A-Twelve.

I think it’s pronounced: Will-need-therapy-at-age-twelve.
And now, an ISBL PSA [Public Service Announcement:

Don’t come for comedian and actress Wanda Sykes unless she sends for you …especially if you’re right wingnut and has been actor, Scott ‘Chachi’ Baio.

It all began when presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden said that if you vote for _____, “you ain’t black”. Sykes, former producer/writer for the revival of Roseanne, defended Biden’s remarks on Twitter, saying:
“Biden feels at home speaking to the Black community. He made a joke. Comedy ain’t easy, but he didn’t say 2 go shoot Clorox in our tits. Now, I wouldn’t make a blanket statement to say that voting for [_____] means you’re not Black. I would say that it means you’re not smart.”
Snap. Wanda’s fabulous way with words irked one unemployed actor, Scott Baio, who, like his Orange Idol, took to Twitter to come for Wanda:
“Hey @iamwandasykes why is it okay for @JoeBiden to say something clearly racist but @therealroseanne gets kicked off of her own show that YOU are a writer on, for making a mistake? Is it because you're a full of shit, hack liberal?”
First off, grammar, man; and howsabout some punctuation, too?  Still, as I said, don’t come for Wanda unless she sends for you, because she replied:
“Oh! Hey Chachi. Apologies, I didn’t see you. I’ll keep it short. Joe Biden didn’t say, “Then you ain’t an ape.” Well, let me get back to work ... I hope you enjoy whatever it is that you do.”
Wanda’s ape comment is, of course, referring to Roseanne saying that Obama’s former advisor Valerie Jarrett  is “if the Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby.” And when that happened Wanda quit Roseanne immediately; the star was fired, the show was cancelled and then revived as The Connors. The mistake ‘Chachi’ is referring to is that Roseanne’s racist ‘joke’ wasn’t racist because she thought Jarrett was white.

Chachi really should spend some time honing his craft … whatever that is …and let Wanda handle the funny and the political and the snarky.

14 comments:

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Oh Bob, I love these screwed up stories, funnier than the Sunday funniest at times.
The first one, who! And who? Seriously if she is that much of a drunk/drug addict, there should be a trail to legally follow. She definitely needs to lose her children fast.
Next three stories, meh get me a garbage bag... one of those large ones.
Wanda Sykes, hahaha... one of my all time favorite comedians. Very smart and witty lady. It says something about a person when I type in "Wanda" and my auto word suggests "Sykes". It never suggests "Baio" or "Chachi". I'm sure "Dancing with has-been stars" or Jenny McCarthy's "Mask Singer" would probably let him on.

krayolakris said...

Tell it Wanda!

whkattk said...

#1 - Who the hell are they? ... Seeking publicity much?

I can't even give MKO or Kardastrophe (any of them) precious time.

Oh, I love me some Wanda! You go, girl! Shut that idiot down with a simple snap of the fingers, cuz she's good like that.

anne marie in philly said...

wanda rules! the rest of the shizz can FOAD now.

Blobby said...

now that Joanie's dead, NO ONE loves Chachi

the dogs' mother said...

Lots of help needed there!!!!
take care, stay safe. xoxo :-)

latetotheparty said...

In a perfect world I would never hear of Elon Musk ever again. I just can’t with him.

Helen Lashbrook said...

I have been continuously awake since reading last week's I ain't one to gossip, worrying about MKO's homelessness problem....like many other homeless the endless choice of desirable residences make it so difficult to choose. She could have been shut up in a cheap hotel if she was homeless over herewhich would have solved the problem of going eeney meeney miney mo!

Why does she look like a white version of a voodoo doll?

and I am with @latetotheparty on Elon stupid twazzock Muskrat

Mistress Maddie said...

I LOVE Wanda!!!! But you know what the rest taught me? Some people should really use a crazy glue stick instead of chap stick.

Sheila Morris said...


Wanda Sykes is one of the funniest people on earth - I watched her Not Normal Netflix special for the fifth time this weekend - and loved it once more.
Chachi is no match for her wit and intelligence.
As Wanda says in the special, all you white people need to get a black friend.
Good advice for Chachi, too.
And clearly in light of the events of this week involving the callous execution of George Floyd by a Minneapolis policeman, we all must do better.
Bob, thanks for sharing about my shero Wanda.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Wanda Sykes rules!

Dave R said...

For that price, MKO's place in the Hamptons must have one nice bridge.

Scott who?

Jamie and Kyle shall forever remain unknown.

Bob said...

@Steven
Wanda is everything, just don't come for her.

@kray
She did; she does!

@whkattk
It was just high-larious that Scott Baio, SCOTT BAIO, thought he could come for Wanda.

@Blobby
Ouch. But yes!

@Late
His time is up.

@Helen
One would think with all that MKO money she could afford a decent shampoo.

@MM
YASSS to the Krazy Glue!

@Sheila
I think Wanda's a hero to a lot of folks. She keeps it real.

Moving with Mitchell said...

Oh snap! I LOVE Wanda Sykes!