I Didn't Say It ...

Curdin Orlik, Swiss wrestler, has come out as gay, making him Switzerland’s first openly gay male professional athlete.

“For far too long I have pushed out who I really am. I am not someone who kisses in front of people, but I want to lie down with a man and be able to touch him. … I always knew that I was gay, for sure since I was 12. But I thought: this is wrong, it cannot be. I heard things on the school building square [like] ‘you gay pig,’ ‘you faggot.’ Or in soccer, ‘such a gay pass!’ Even when wrestling. Sure, nobody really meant that, but if you’re like that yourself, you think, ‘Sh*t, that’s not a good thing.’ I thought: I don’t want to be gay. But it’s me. Now it’s out[and] I am overwhelmed by the large number of positive reactions that you have sent me through a variety of channels. With your wonderful feedback, I am now starting a new, open and free period of my life. Thank you very much – with all my heart . Special thanks go to my parents and everyone else who supported me in advance.”

Welcome out you ginormous slab of beefcake. And please accept, as our gift from HOMO HQ, the Official Coming Out Toaster Oven™ and a copy of The Gay Agenda … both quite the collector’s items.

I’ll be over here, assuming the position.

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Seth Meyers, on Coronavirus “Expert” and “Doctor” President:

“We are now seeing what it’s like when a lifelong scam artist is in charge of responding to a public health crisis .Three days after _____ predicted coronavirus would be good for the economy the stock market plunged so much that when it opened trading had to be stopped. The drop was so bad the red arrow on the TV screen grew legs and ran away … _____ has always been able to BS and threaten and litigate his way out of accountability to avoid consequences and now as he oversees the government’s response to a global public health emergency he’s trying to do the same thing. You think you know about science because your uncle was a doctor? People don’t just automatically know what their uncles know. Otherwise we would all know the lyrics to every Steely Dan song. The only white coat you should be wearing is a straitjacket.”

And I, for one, hope to see him in a straitjacket one day; or better yet, prison orange.

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Cindy Jacobs, religious wackjob, declares Coronavirus “illegal In Jesus’ Name”:

 “We’re going to decree that the coronavirus will cease worldwide. Now what’s gonna happen? I don’t know if everybody will get healed. I don’t know,  we’re praying. We prayed for vaccines. We prayed for Israel. They had vaccines. We have people interceding across the face of the Earth. Listen: Intercessors have been going to Wall Street! I mean all over! I have to tell you: Intercessors are on this! I just want to thank you, intercessors of the world. You haven’t slept through this. Father, in the name of Jesus, You have promised we have all authority, not some authority! You have promised that we are seated with You in heavenly places, so we take Throne Room authority, and we bring that into the situation of the coronavirus, and we say in the name of Jesus, ‘Virus, you are illegal! This is God’s Earth!'”

Keep in mind, Cindy Jacobs says the Equality Act will cause civil war   said God told her he would destroy Kim Jong-Un if he didn’t convert to Christianity in  2018 … said God wants Christians to be “profoundly wealthy” so jealous Jews will convert … begged Christians to vote _____ so America stops “polluting” other countries with gayness … said she caused a short woman to grow three inches “on the spot” … said her prayers stopped the shoe-bomber … said her six-year-old son prayed away the assassination of Ronald Reagan …said she prayed away her own tumor … she prayed away a terrorist sleeper cell … metal illness … a car crash that would have killed David Barton… global recession … Hurricane Sandy. … and said God killed thousands of birds because of the repeal of DADT. 

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Jonathan Van Ness, Queer Eye star, on Aaron Schock’s coming out story:

“The amount of queens I’m seeing like Aaron Schock’s [Instagram] is such a lol. Ya’ll, this man lived in the closet while voting against LGBTQ interests for years. He screams about how he was victimized as he continues not giving back to the community he legislated against. Also his apology wholly dodges any responsibility in the awful actions he [perpetrated] against our community. Aaron Schock voted against repealing don’t ask don’t tell & various hate crime bills. While it should be noted I think there were homophobic forces within the GOP that led to the spending investigations that led to his resignation, he still in fact did a lot of dumb & stupid shit … and really from what I can tell hasn’t made amends or helped move our community forward in meaningful ways. … I want to celebrate Aaron but I find it hard. But yes Aaron, have fun at Coachella and glad you’ve joined the fight. I hope you actually work to undo your legacy.”

Perhaps once he stops shoving dollar bills in go-go boys’ G-strings.

Seriously, though, I’d be shocked if Schock ever amounted to any kind of LGBTQ+ icon; he’s a Republican, and only out, and out, for himself.

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Paul Begala, CNN commentator, saying “it’s a certainty” _____ will replace Mike Pence with Nikki Haley on his 2020 ticket:

“This is not a prediction. It’s a certainty. On Thursday, July 16, that’s the date the Democrat gives his or her acceptance address. On that day, to interrupt that narrative, Donald _____ will call a press conference at Mar-a-Lago. He’s gonna dump Mike Pence and put Nikki Haley on the ticket to try to get those suburban moms. You watch. Guaranteed.”

Wouldn’t be surprised; he’ll use Haley, a GOP sycophant, like McCain used Palin to try and grab the women’s vote. Won’t help, because he’s running for president and any woman who stands by a pussy grabbing name-calling rapist is no friend of women.

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Antonio Sabato Jr., says supporting _____ ruined his career:

“I had to sell everything. I had to pay all my debts. I was blacklisted. All my representatives left me, from agents to managers to commercial agents. I literally had to move, find a new job to survive and take care of my kids. It’s been terrible. It’s mind-blowing. It’s a disgrace. It’s tough, because if you’re in that environment in Hollywood and you have something to say that they don’t like, they’re going to let you know.”

Just like you have the right to support a lying misogynistic pussy groping con artist racist, people have the right not to hire you for that.

Sorry, not sorry.

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Alex Trebek, updating his battle with Cancer:

“Now, I’d be lying if I said the journey had been an easy one. There were some good days, but a lot of not-so-good days. I joked with friends that the cancer won’t kill me; the chemo treatments will. There were moments of great pain, days where certain bodily functions no longer functioned, and sudden, massive attacks of great depression that made me wonder if it really was worth fighting on. But I brushed that aside quickly, because that would have been a massive betrayal — a betrayal of my wife and soulmate, Jean, who has given her all to help me survive. It would have been a betrayal of other cancer patients who have looked to me as an inspiration and a cheerleader of sorts, of the value of living and hope. And it would certainly have been a betrayal of my faith in God and the millions of prayers that have been said on my behalf.”

I’m glad he’s sharing his story, if only because it might help someone feeling the same things, going through the same things; might make that person feel less alone.

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