Saturday, April 07, 2018

It's Snarkurday!


Well, that was a campaign that lasted as long as it takes to drink a Caramel Macchiato.

Clueless “actress” and clueless “actress” and Fox News hack Stacey Dash has announced that she is no longer running for Congress in California.

Clearly the reason for her withdrawal from the race is because she is a moron, and had raised little to no cash, because Dash announced her decision by sending an email to various news outlets—press conferences can be expensive:
“After much prayer, introspection and discussions with my family, I am withdrawing my candidacy for California’s 44th Congressional District. At this point, I believe that the overall bitterness surrounding our political process, participating in the rigors of campaigning, and holding elected office would be detrimental to the health and wellbeing of my family. I would never want to betray the personal and spiritual principles I believe in most: that my God and my family come first.”
Was that the truth or is it because the 44th Congressional District has been traditionally Democratic; Hillary Clinton won it by 83% during 2016’s presidential race.

Dash would have been a long long shot and so she caved.

If you asked me, the 44th Congressional District just dodged a bullet because, again, Stacey Dash is a clueless actress” who would have been a clueless Representative.
Sound the alarms … the world will soon be under attack … Anna Wintour might be out at Vogue.

According to that bastion of truthfulness Page Six, Wintour is leaving her positions as artistic director of Condé Nast and editor-in-chief of Vogue sometime this summer.

Rumor has it that Wintour will stay on that long so she can have one last shot at the September Issue—the magazine’s most coveted issue. And no less than the New York Times will have her exit interview.

As for who will replace Anna at Vogue, my bet is on Meryl Streep.

Just sayin’. This shiz is straight outta The Devil Wears Prada.
Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth and I guess that makes Six Flags Magic Mountain the place where reality stars have public meltdowns.

According to rumor, Blac Chyna got into a scuffle with another guest at Six Flags; it isn’t clear who started the fight, but thanks to cellphone video, it’s clear that Chyna took off her coat, and used her daughter’s stroller as a weapon.

Kream Dream wasn’t in her stroller during the fight; I guess when Chyna asked someone to hold her shoes and bag, she also asked someone to hold her child.

After it all went down, Chyna did what people who think they’re famous but are only known because they sell their lives to TV shows, took to Instagram to explain:
“Being famous is hard enough dealing with scrutiny but when someone feels comfortable to come and touch your child it’s a whole other story. I do not condone violence nor am I a violent person but shout out to all of the amazing mothers out there that will protect their children at all cost.”
Famous? Bitch please.

Don’t condone violence? You used a stroller as a weapon.

Siddown. Wait for E! to call about another show where you play a professional wrestler.
A couple of weeks ago, while talking about Heather Locklear’s recent drunken brush with domestic violence and the police, I also told the story of fellow Melrose Place alum, Jamie Luner, after a now 36-year-old man filed a sexual misconduct report with the LAPD claiming Luner preyed on him when he was 16 years old.

Now, that case was a bit long in the tooth, so nothing really came of it, until this week when the man, now named as Anthony Oliver, filed a $250 million sexual battery lawsuit against Luner.

Millions of dollars? I wouldn’t think Luner has more than $250 to her name but … Oliver claims he met Jamie in 1998 when he was 16 and she was 26. Jamie threw a party to celebrate Melrose Place, and her makeup artist brought Anthony and Anthony’s brother.

Oliver says Luner plied him with alcohol and then took him to a bedroom where she produced a bag of meth that she said would make him “horny”; Oliver says he turned that down and asked for Tylenol instead. He now believes Luner laced the Tylenol with meth, and then both she and her male makeup artist had oral sex with Anthony, and he ended up having intercourse with Luner. And, as if it couldn’t get crazier, Oliver claims his brother, who had left the party, came back and recorded him having sex with Luner.

Anthony claims to have been so traumatized by the events that he became an alcoholic and confused about his sexuality. Even loonier, is that his lawsuit also claims that there are other young men that have come forward claiming Luner sexually assaulted them, too.
Luner’s lawyer—possibly one of those Dial All Nines lawyers—says:
“All of these allegations are completely unfounded, and we believe part of a targeted extortion scheme. Anthony Oliver has a history of filing lawsuits and has filed 27 federal lawsuits in the past 8 years.”
Still, if there’s a video… Jamie Luner still doesn’t have 250 million coins to rub together.
Forget Who Bit Beyoncé … Who Has Stan Lee’s Blood?

Comic-book writer, editor, film executive producer, and publisher Stan Lee claims someone stole his blood in order to make commemorative Marvel pens that write real blood.

Stan’s team says an unnamed former business associate not only stole $300,000 from Stan, but he also devised a bizarre scheme to steal his blood by going to Stan’s personal nurse with a forged document giving him authority to order a blood sample from the Marvel maven. The nurse ALLEGEDLY filled several vials with Lee Blood.

That’s a long way to go to market a Stan Lee Blood Pen, with a lot of witnesses, like the nurse, and Stan.
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Proof that you can’t teach an old drunk Countess a new trick?

On the season premiere of Real Housewives of New York, when the ladies attended a Halloween party dressed as a favorite women, dead or alive, Luann de Lesseps stepped out as Diana Ross … complete with make-up to darken her skin cuz blackface is fun.

And don’t get me started on the wig that looks like something a guard at Buckingham Palace might wear and nothing like a Miss Ross hair do. The, er, Cuntess, said:
“I’m Diana Ross because she’s fabulous. Tom [her soul mate she divorced after ten minutes of marriage] is not in tow, so I’m feeling liberated. It’s been a while since I’ve felt my girl power.”
Fellow castmate Carole Radziwill was not feeling the “disrespectful” costume:
“Something’s a little off about Luann’s costume.  I think she’s tone-deaf when it comes to cultural stereotypes. She’s generally tone-deaf anyway.”
Luann claims to be a “singer,’ in case you didn’t know.

Luann also claims she did nothing to darken her skin, except use a little tanning cream, or the same bronzer she always uses … uh Liar Liar Luann on Fire … but then apologized for being an ass:
“I was being an impersonator for Halloween. I didn’t mean to offend anyone by being Diana Ross for Halloween, it just didn’t even kind of enter my mind … I wasn’t at all worried about that, and all of a sudden it became a thing. I’m so sorry. I don’t want it to be a thing, so I apologize if I have offended.”
Note to Luann:

First] lay off the booze, and

2] You can dress up as Diana Ross but lay off the skin darkening lotions because that’s just asinine.

And kinda racist and offensive.
Even though we’re in the midst of the Who Bit Beyoncé craze … and even though I fall into the Who cares category … we now have Beyoncé’s daddy talking about Elevator Gate, when Beyoncé’s sister, Solange, beat up Beyoncé’s husband, Jay-Z in an elevator.

Matthew Knowles showed up on The Wendy Williams Show this week to give his thoughts that no one asked for on the 2014 elevator whooping:
“I laughed so hard because if you know Solange, that’s Solange. You never know what you’re gonna get ― [she’s] a firecracker. Don’t know where she gets that from. Beyoncé would be in the corner, quiet, just kinda like, ‘When y’all finish, let me know.’ So I just laughed.”
Cuz, you know it’s funny when your grown-assed daughter beats up her grown-assed sister’s grown-assed husband.

9 comments:

Helen Lashbrook said...

The world will be a better place without Winter at Vogue; perhaps they'll replace her with someone committed to not using anorexic models?

mistress maddie said...

I don't know I believe Anna will be leaving or not. While Helen does have a point, I think Anna also showed a woman can take a failing business, which vogue and others at the pub house were, and turn them around. She has done a lot. But you know she still has dirty tricks up her sleeve.

As a replacement??????

Someone tough and with some very big feet.

But I have idea who the rest of these souls are, except Dash. Trump will probably hire her and place her in the circus side show somewhere. And me thinks Stan might be going loco.

Deedles said...

Just one thought about that "real housewife" (gag), somebody needs to watch that episode of Designing Women where the girls dressed as the Supremes. It was hilarious, and one idiot attention whore could learn something from it. Maybe. If she wasn't a moron.

the dogs' mother said...

When the twins were little I had a double
stroller - I could have gone pro in a fight!
xoxoxox

Harry Hamid said...

Sounds like it might have just been dumb luck that there was no child in the stroller.

anne marie in philly said...

JFC, a real smelly shitshow this week, bob. animals, nothing but animals!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

A Stan Lee blood pen? WTF?

Dave R said...

I agree with Anne Marie... I thought we'd hit the bottom of the barrel with the 250 mil lawsuit... and then we got to Stan Lee's blood....

Kirk said...

I think Stan Lee is confusing reality with his own comic books.