Thursday, May 21, 2015

Random Musings

Around Casa Bob y Carlos, we divvy up chores and responsibilities: for example, I take care of what goes into the cats, while Carlos handles what comes out of the cats … from either end.

Carlos kills the bugs … I take care of snakes. Now, we don’t have a lot of snakes around here — that we see — while we do have our share of bugs so that might seem a little lopsided. Until Tuesday night …

Sitting in the living room, chatting with Carlos, I noticed a reflection on the window of a cat’s tail — I assumed it was Consuelo because it’s her favorite window. Oddly enough, though, there was no cat, just a tail which, upon closer examination, I realized was a smallish — two feet long, maybe — snake climbing up the screen. He seemed to be channeling Carol Ann from Poltergeist as he appeared to be ‘going into the light’ of our table-lamp and when I lowered the shade he kinda wandered off.

While all this was going on, Carlos was freaking … Oh my god … we have to move …. Where is it …. It’s poisonous.

I wanted to slap him to snap him out of it but he relaxed once the snake was slithering away until … it reappeared on the front door — it’s kind of a French door with small glass panes — and was slithering up toward the porch light.

Again: Carlos.Freak.Slap.Almost.

I suggested going out and killing it — and for those of you that think that might be cruel, give me your address and when I get another snake at the manse, I’ll trap it and mail it to you — and Carlos kept saying it would bite me and I would die … seriously.

I ignored him, and armed with the tools of the trade, I turned on all the outside lights and found the snake resting on the wall above the porch light. Using one specialty tool — for you laypeople, I call it a ‘rake’ — I scraped the snake off the wall and it began slithering away. I’d hoped to use my other tool — AKA ‘the shovel’ — to cut the bastard’s head off but he was a quick little "slitherer" and escaped. A few minutes spent spraying some Snake-Be-Gone along the front of the house — it smells a little like Red Hots — and all was fine and dandy, though Carlos wasn’t sure he would ever open a window again.

But, now I know that my snake-removal capabilities are needed, I will, for the rest of my natural born days, keep reminding Carlos of the Night I Raked A Snake Off The House.

Point: Bob
Maybe it's just me, but there are times when I cannot tell the difference between Ellen Barkin, Edie Falco and Lorraine Bracco.
In LGBT news … Democratic, of course, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, of New York, has announced plans to introduced legislation that aims to eliminate anti-LGBT bias in adoption. Her "Every Child Deserves a Family Act" would "prohibit adoption organizations that receive federal funding from discriminating against adoptive or foster parents based on their sexual orientation, gender identity or marital status."

Right now, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Michigan prohibit gay couples from jointly adopting while four other states restrict same-sex couples from using the second-parent adoption process.
I caught Rihanna on SNL last week and she was amazing.

I mean, she was singing, and then, when she took the microphone away from her mouth, and stopped singing, you could still hear her voice. It’s like she’s a ventriloquist and the audience is her dummy …

How.Does.She.Do.That. #LipSync
Notorious RBG, AKA Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg presided over the marriage of Michael Kahn, the longtime artistic director of the Shakespeare Theater Company in Washington, and Charles Mitchem, who works at an architecture firm in New York.

She’s officiated at same-sex weddings before, but what made this one special was that when she pronounced them husband-and-husband — ‘by the powers vested in me by the Constitution’ — she gave a sly look and added a little emphasis on the word ‘Constitution.
I loves me some RBG, and so did the guest, who applauded wildly at her remarks.
Kanye perfumed at the Billboard Music Awards last weekend and was censored for most of the song due to, well, f-bombs and such. And when you add in that there was so much smoke on the stage and that you could barely see Mr. Kardastrophe, well, it was my favorite performance of his ... ever.

Couldn’t see him; couldn’t hear win.
Down in Louisiana, after a House committee rejected a bill that would have legalized anti-LGBT discrimination, Governor, and Ain’t-Never-Gonna-Be-President Bobby Jindal issued an executive order that bypasses the state legislature and makes it legal to deny service to The Gays.

I could go on, but I’ll just keep it simple:

Fuck you, Bobby Jindal. You’re done.
I have a double Hot Men Alert …

While perusing a little HGTV the other morning, I came across Candice Tells All. I like her design sense, but I also noticed that she has a new carpenter, Roger Morin, who is hunky and hot and really fills out a pair of Levis. Plus, he builds stuff … dream man.

And then, that same day, I came across a photo of new It Boy, well, It Man, actor Matthias Schoenaerts, at Cannes.

Yum; hot, with an accent? I’m sold.
Reverend Matthew Makela, an associate pastor at St. John’s Lutheran Church and School, who, according to their website, enjoys, “family, music, home improvement, gardening and landscaping, and sports” — as well as being one of the most anti-gay pastors around — has resigned following the revelation that Minister Matty had a Grindr account, used for bisexual and gay men to arrange hook-ups.

Uh huh; the homophobic pastor is a self-loathing, closeted, lying, bigoted homosexual.
I’ve always said, the more homophobic you seem, the more homosexual you just might be.
Speaking of hypocrites …

Josh Duggar — one of those reality kids form that woman who cannot do anything other than get pregnant and hate The Gays — was investigated for child sexual abuse several years ago after his own father, Jim Bob Duggar, told authorities he saw his son, 17 at the time, leaving a young girl's bedroom and learned that "something inappropriate happened." 

Jim Bob brought his son into the Arkansas State Police Station and spoke with a state trooper about the inappropriate contact with a minor, but the trooper didn't follow up on Jim Bob's statement because … who knows, except that same trooper was later convicted on child pornography charges and is currently serving 56 years in prison, so, um, yeah, there’s that.

Three eyars later, the Arkansas State Police finally brought the case to the Crimes Against Children Division however, the statute of limitations ran out on the case, preventing Duggar from being further investigated.

The ironic part? Josh Duggar is the executive director of FRCAction, the lobbying component of the anti-gay Family Research Council that routinely accuses LGBT people of child molestation.

Hmmmm. Pot.Kettle.Pedophile.

9 comments:

mistress maddie said...

Funny how even the most homophobic asshole gets his cock sucked more than me. And I get mine taken care of pretty regularly......SNAKES!!!!! Let us hope one doesn't get in the bed, Carlos will never recover.....ELLEN Barkin is a definite standout.....Rihanna has finally replaced Ashley Simpson. Did Ri also do a stupid gig afterwards?

the dogs' mother said...

Having had the world's longest adventure with a snake IN the house, Carlos - http://tinyurl.com/l2lzt8b -
I will arm you with some information. Snakes that can hurt you have spade shaped heads. Garter snakes and harmless snakes have slender heads in line with their bodies. Dangerous snakes have a vertical elliptical shaped pupil like a cat. Harmless snakes have a round pupil. I have never gotten close enough to check up the eyes. Around here - if it rattles stay away!!!

John Gray said...

" i take care of snakes"
How f*cking hard are you?
Lol

Bob Slatten said...

@John
=)

Jennifer said...

Oh dear god.....I would freak the frack out if I saw a snake at our window. (((shudder))) I thought cats were supposed to keep snakes away? I've seen cats kill snakes. Maybe yours is afraid of them too, and if so I say that's a smart cat!

Re: the Duggars....those people are downright creepy and disgusting. I'll bet that one story is just the tip of the iceberg of crazy that happens in that family.

Re:the homophobic closeted pastor....it never fails....the most rabid anti-gay clergy seem to always get caught trolling for gay sex on the internet. They deserve every bit of attention they get when they're found out. Nothing is worse than a hypocrite.

Corina H. said...

Hmmm..turns out Duggar has admitted doing the molesting..and the family drew closer to god..ok...fine, but pedophile are almost absolutely impossible to stop! They just keep moving on!

Biki Honko said...

Many moons ago when TH and I were first married I was standing in the kitchen cutting brownies and he was in the shower. I heard a noise at the window and looked up and a bear was leaning against the house looking in! I freaked and ran into the bathroom quick step, and locked the door. TH got out, and chased the bear off. As the years passed I never did get used to having bears around the house and was teased endlessly about locking the door everytime a bear was in our yard. I'm with Carlos, its just all to horrible!

Raybeard said...

Thanks goodness the poor little snake-creature managed to escape before you carried out your vile intention of execution by decapitation. It was, after all, only doing what snakes do, even if it does have a side-effect of terrifying the likes of ophiophobes like you and C.
Btw: Don't bother to send me one. I wouldn't like you to face the postage costs ;-)

Helen Lashbrook said...

Is it just me who thought that those biker thugs would have been treated a whole lot differently by the Texan authorities if they'd been black? They'd have bombed them all surely?