Saturday, May 10, 2014

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Johnny Weir and his husband Victor Voronov are back on … again.

Let's recap: they were together until February when they had a nasty split, and then they got back together in March, only to break up again in April and then find their way back to love again in May. Wonder what next month holds? 

Anyway, Johnny posted this to Twitter:

"My husband and I have reconciled. Please respect our privacy and integrity at this time.”

Integrity? Now that’s funny.
Stephen Baldwin, the craziest Baldwin brother, which is quite a feat unto itself, was arrested in Manhattan last week for driving with a suspended license and having an expired temporary registration sticker.

Baldwin was stopped last Friday morning by a cop who noticed the expired Texas registration on his vehicle; Texas registration on a car owned by a man who does not live in Texas? That's so Baldwin. But, when the police officer asked to see his license, he handed over the exact same suspended license that got him arrested two years ago!

Did I say he was the craziest Baldwin? I meant the dumbest, and again that’s saying something.
Last summer, Dawn Noel was hired as a dancer for Britney Spears. “Work Bitch” video which could have been a big deal had Britney not broken Dawn's nose. So, now she’s suing Brit and throwing shade, as well.

Noel is saying that when Spears arrived at rehearsal she was in a “disheveled and confused state” which I would think meant she was Britney looking like your regular every day Pork Rind Eatin’ Britney, but I digress; Noel also says Spears had “difficulty executing even basic moves” and that when they were dancing side-by-side, Britney twirled, tipped over and snacked Dawn in the face. Dawn says it was the Nose Crack Heard ‘Round the World but Britney only muttered an “I’m sorry” and went back to dancing.

Dawn, though, left rehearsal and went to the doctor who told her that Britney’s slap had fractured her nasal bone and she would need surgery, so, naturally, Dawn is now suing Spears because the Brit Team promised to pay for the nasal reconstruction but never did.

It all seems kinda weird, because everyone knows that since Britney’s meltdown, her dancing has mostly consisted of her gyrating in one place, moving to another place and gyrating some more. And, everyone knows Britney doesn’t talk unless one of her handlers tells her what to say, so that whole “I’m sorry” thing was probably from an assistant.
I wouldn’t know Avril Lavigne if she walked into my home right now, and I wouldn’t know her music  if someone popped in an 8-track of hers in my car, so I don’t get this story.

See, I just learned that this Avril person, when on tour with her ‘music’, charges her fans — and that part makes me giggle because, well, fans — some $400 for a meet-and-greet; now that 400 doesn’t include the price of the concert ticket, though I think the concert ticket is included with your Happy Meal so, yeah.

At any rate, the meet-and-greet comes with a stipulation: do not touch Avril Lavigne EVER! And those up there are pictures to prove it; the fans look thrilled to meet Avril who looks like a wax figure of Avril Lavigne.

Now, contrast this with a Kelly Clarkson post-concert meet-and-greet. Kelly loves to let her fans touch her and, in fact, it’s usually Kelly doing all the touching and having fun.

And you don’t shell out four C-notes for the privilege, either.

I was gonna post something about the latest Willow Smith controversy. You know, the one where the thirteen-year-old girl was photographed lying on a bed next to a shirtless twenty-year-old Moises Arias.

Now, it wasn't a promo for a TV show, or movie, or album; it was just this little girl lying on a bed with a grown-assed man while her parents were anywhere but where they might supervise her.

But that's the M.O. for her, for lack of a better word, ‘parents,’ Will and Jada Closeted Gays Pinkett Smith. They have made it clear that they have a hands-off parenting style that basically means their children get to do whatever they want whenever they want—which is similar to what they teach at the Church of Scientology of which Will swears he is not a member.

Arias, who posted the photo to Twitter and then instantly deleted it, says he thinks of Willow as his “little sister” and considers The Smiths his “second family.” And Willow isn’t talking, though her mother, who was nowhere near that, um photo shoot, Jada, is speaking:

Here’s the deal. There was nothing sexual about that picture or that situation. You guys are projecting your trash onto it. And you’re acting like covert pedophiles and that’s not cool.

In Jada’s mind, letting a thirteen-year-old girl lie in bed with a grown man is our problem, not hers, but then she was out of town while this was going on..
That Madonna, still begging for attention on Instagram.

You know, she flashed her hairy pits once, showed herself cleaning her bathroom with her tongue, calling vegetables gay or calling her son the n-word because, oh hell, because she’s desperate for attention.

But this week, when she was a no-show at the Met Ball, tongues began wagging as to why Madge didn’t show. I mean, no one loves being the center of attention more than an aging diva, so Madonna posted a kinda NSFW picture to her Instagram account showing her bare breasts all wrapped up in straps, with the caption:

What i wanted to wear to Met Ball but Anna said Not this year! So I’m gonna work on music instead?#artforfreedom.

That photo there is the censored version Madge also provided for the millions of people around the world have no interest in her nipples.

So, did Anna tell Madonna, who wiggled her bare ass at last year’s ball to tone it down and did Madonna retaliate by posting that picture or, as I said, is it just a case of Desperately Seeking Attention, Part 17?
More Brit? Well, actually Daddy Brit.

See, Britney’s daddy, Jamie Spears, had a real job before Britney became famous and he kept at it, even when his wife went all Hollywood as Brit’s momager. But Jamie stepped forward when Britney went crazy in 2007 and was named her conservator and that’s how it’s been for the last six years.

Rumor has it that Jamie is the one making all the decisions, and finagling ways to make her lifer seem normal. Apparently, the only reason Brit’s allowed to be alone with her children is because Jamie Spears and Kevin Federline have come to an agreement about custody, and the whole time Britney was engaged, well, both times, Jamie was running the show.

And now, after six years on the job Jamie wants a raise and has taken his case to court.
He has petitioned for more money as compensation for serving as his daughter’s conservator and the co-conservator of her estate. Right now he gets a $16,000 per month “allowance” plus an additional $2,000 a month to pay for an office space.

Now he wants money from Atara Tours, Inc. for the services he provides Britney during her stint at Planet Hollywood because he believes doing that work is above and beyond his 16k monthly allowance. And so he wants 1.5% of the gross revenues — tickets and merchandise — from each and every show because, yeah, Crazy Daughter said I could.

Boy, he kinda makes Will and Jada look like model parents.
Rumor has it that Mariah Carey is ready to pull the plug on her marriage to perennial joke Nick Cannon.

Things ALLEGEDLY went south after Nick released his controversial new “comedy” album White People Party Music and then talked about banging Kim Kardastrophe while promoting it; he also let slip some details of his — wait, I need to stop gagging — sex life with Mariah.

Still, the only thing holding Mariah back are her worries that Nick, who is best known as some second-rate Ryan Seacrest on a third-rate talent show, might want a hefty portion of Mariah’s $515 million dollar fortune as a payout for staying married to her for six years.

Yeah, I’d say $250 million is compensation enough for being Carey’s lackey.
Katherine Heigl hasn’t had a job in years, unless you count going on Kickstarter to ask people to donate to her new movie because she doesn’t make any money, or suing Duane Reade because they Tweeted a picture of her coming out of a Duane Reade.

But now, inexplicably, NBC has decided Heigl should return to television — the medium she left years ago because she was a star and TV was for losers.

NBC announced Tuesday that Heigl will star and executive produce a new CIA drama called State of Affairs which Heigl describes as Scandal meets The West Wing.

Funny, I thought Scandal was Scandal meets The West Wing.
Howsabout a little Miley?

It seems that little Miss Cyrus, still recovering from her allergic reaction to antibiotics and not a drug overdose, is refusing to go on The Voice because she hates Christina Aguilera. Hmm, I guess no one told Miley that Christina isn’t on the show this year, or, maybe, Miley had an allergic reaction to brain function.

Still, Miley says she will never do the show because, even with Christina away while she’s pregnant, the show is still Christina’s and Miley wants no part of it because, ALLEGEDLY, Miley didn’t like that Christina tweeted a shout-out about something she wore during a concert in January:

“Cheers from one dirrty girl to the next @MileyCyrus…wear em’ loud & proud, girl-yes!” with a picture of Cyrus wearing chaps.

Cyrus believes Aguilera really wanted to point out that SHE wore chaps to perform in first!
Oh, brother.
Star Magazine’s newest headline is “Ben Caught Cheating.”

Oh no, is this the end of Bennifer-Lite … Bennifer 2.0? No, it’s an article about how Affleck was kicked out of a Las Vegas casino for counting cards at a blackjack table. But, this latest mini-scandal has caused a rift in the Affleck-Garner merger, er, marriage because Jennifer was apparently humiliated at being asked to leave the casino with her gambling-addicted husband.

See, Jen demanded to go to Vegas with Ben because she doesn’t trust him, and he felt like he had no choice but to take her. But she mostly stayed in the room while he spent his nights in the casino winning and losing thousands of dollars and she’s annoyed because she’s Mommy all the time while he is Card Shark every night.

After he was caught cheating, and asked to leave the casino, apparently Jennifer threw the book at him, crying about how embarrassed she is by his antics.

I, however, look on the bright side. After Affleck gets done playing Batman, maybe he can do another film called Bet Man.

Just saying.
The world was all abuzz last weekend at the thought of the unholy matrimony that was supposed to go down between Giant Ego, AKA Kanye West, and Giant Ass, AKA Kim Kardastrophe. And we all waited breathlessly as the pair attended the Met Ball in hopes of hearing them talk about their pact with The Devil, AKA That Woman.

But … the wedding never happened. Famewhore say what?

See, even though Ego and Ass — sounds like a new cop comedy on Fox — got a wedding license last week they have yet to seal the deal because they are still hammering out the details of their prenup. And it won’t be signed — hopefully in That Woman’s blood — until sometime this week, and so there will be no tasteful and dignified wedding until the bloodstains are dry.

It totally makes sense, because he’s a Giant Ego who loves all things Italian, and she is a Giant Ass who loves the limelight, and since they both know this marriage won’t last, they want to protect the most important thing in their lives: the bank accounts.

Ah love … for money and a TV show.

8 comments:

mistress maddie said...

Oh dear. I so wanted Madonna to go out a legend and on top. Well she will be on top, on top of a 24 yo somewhere. And she needs to stop the surgery, she's looking all crazy! There must be something in the Baldwins water. Are they all nuts? Mariah Carey. I always liked her, but she needs to stop trying so hard and hitting the glass of Cray Cray. And in closing is it wrong I have fantasies of topping Johnny Weir??????

Bob Slatten said...

@MM As per your last query, "Yes, it is wrong."

the dogs' mother said...

Will Madonna ever put all her bits away?

anne marie in philly said...

man, I need an industrial sized dumpster to take out all the trash in today's post.

WHEN will this trash realize that NO ONE gives a fat rat's ass about the lot of them?

Jim said...

Hey Bob... how about Chris Brown being ordered to serve jail time for violating his terms of probation? Another Lindsay Lohan type developing here it seems.

Jon said...

I agree with Anne Marie that none of them are worth a rat's ass - - but the gossip is still delicious.

For some reason, Johnny Weir rubs me the wrong way (no pun intended). He could turn a gay guy straight.

Bob Slatten said...

@Jon

I'm with you re: Johnny Weir!

Blobby said...

"So I’m gonna work on music instead?"

Poor Madge. That barely obtained detroit high school education didn't teach her proper grammar. Or was she asking a question of IF she should work on music. Or was the question mark to indicate she wasn't sure what she was doing WAS called 'music'.