I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Oh Original Recipe™, this must be just like any other day for you.

Car crash. Arrest. What’s the big deal?

Well, it's seems that our best gal pal, and chronic drunkard, druggard and thief, Lindsay Lohan, will be charged with the crime of lying to police after her June car accident along the Pacific Coast Highway.

Y'all remember that Lohan told the officers she was not driving that day, when her rented Porsche when it slammed into the back of an 18-wheeler, but apparently all the eyewitnesses have a different story to tell.

The case will be filed as a misdemeanor by the Santa Monica City Attorney, and the charge could spell huge trouble for OR™, because she is still on probation for jewel theft. This mess could trigger a probation violation, and Judge Stephanie Sautner—the jewelry judge—could send Lohan to the slammer.

Again!

Add to that the news that law enforcement officers say they found prescription pills in her purse after the crash, and witnesses say there will pills scattered all over the trunk.

Well, to be fair, maybe Lindsay had enrolled in Pharmacology school and this was her final exam?

Authorities were going to charge Lohan with drug crimes, but her lawyer--her criminal lawyer--Shawn Holley offered documentation from Lindsay’s doctor that the pills were properly prescribed.

Doctor FeelGood in the hizzouse!

And now on to Lohan 2.0™.

It seems Amanda Bynes was acting all crazy again, though, thankfully not behind the wheel of a car this time. It was in a spa, and she went all Frances Farmer on the joint.

After purchasing a Mystic spray-tan session, Bynes was set up in a private room, but a few minutes later she walked back into the salon looking for a pair of goggles.

'No problem except.....

Girl.Was.Nekkid.

“She walked out of the room completely naked,” an eyewitness--and you know it was Dina Lohan trying to take the heat off her jailbird daughter--said. “She didn’t seem to care that everyone saw her naked. She seemed totally out of it. She took her time walking back to the Mystic room, dragging her fingers along the wall and smiling at customers who passed her.”

I'm not sure about this. I mean, if Bynes was sitting on the floor, doing her make-0up talking to herself and eating DelTaco, I might buy it, but this........

Of course, Bynes did respond to the story, calling Us Weekly to shriek into the phone: “I’m not ‘troubled.’ I don’t get naked in public. I’m 26, a multi-millionaire, retired. Please respect my privacy.” 

Uh, m'kay. 23.0™.

Then

Jealousy is an ugly thing.

Just ask Demi Moore.

She is ALLEGEDLY so jealous that her ex-"husband" Ashton Kutcher is doing the nasty with Mila Kunis, that she is trying to woo Leonardo DiCaprio to her Grandma Boudoir.

The 49-year-old actress--can we really call her that when very few people remember anything she was in besides Ghost?--has been e-mailing...stalking...and calling...stalking...DiCaprio, hoping to reignite the spark they shared more than 15 years ago. And she doesn’t care that he's dating Victoria’s Secret model Erin Heatherton!

It all goes back to one night in 1997 when Leo spent the night with Demi in her and former husband Bruce Willis’ Malibu home during a time when the couple’s marriage was on the outs. Insiders--and you know it's those three ne'er-do-well daughters of hers--say Demi is making way more out of it than it was, and that Leo ain't gonna go back there again.

“After all these years," the sources say, "she’s romanticized what really amounted to just a fling. She’s infatuated with Leo becoming Hollywood’s hottest power couple. She’s lonely and facing her 50th birthday this month, so she’s looking to rejuvenate her love life and career."

Now

Again with the career?

Demi has been spending all her free time in New York, DiCaprio is filming The Wolf of Wall Street, but, unfortunately for Demi, Leo is giving her the big-time blow off.

"He won’t even get together with her for coffee!”

You gotta wonder, though, if it's Demi's raging insecurities at being dumped by her "husband" that sent her trolling after Leo, or if it's a Hollywood-sized ego that thinks DiCaprio would leave the Victoria’s Secret stable for an aging has-been.

Meanwhile, Demi and Ashton have still made no efforts to file for divorce, even though they’ve been separated for a year, and they've not given their lawyers any reason to think they want to file any time soon.

All this adds fuel to the fire that says Demi and Ashton were never married in the first place, and will just play the waiting game and the stories die down, and then announce they're "divorced."

Jennifer Lopez is a true raging Diva.

She and her oldest son, Casper Smart, have been in Europe for the past week during her European Tour, and one night in Berlin a hotel maid ALLEGEDLY JLo for an autograph and this pissed the superstar off so badly that she had the maid fired.

Wow! I mean, it wasn't like the maid actually looked at her, was it?

Pray Dodaj, the maid, says, “I cleaned on her floor. And I am an incredibly big fan so I took all my courage and rang the bell to get an autograph, but I was rejected by two assistants at the door.”

And after that, the hotel manager fired her.

“A day later," Pray says, "the cleaning company that employed me at the hotel called and said that Ms. Lopez had complained. I was fired right there on the phone! Because of an autograph!”

Does this seem like a true story? Well, Cyrus Heydarian, the hotel director, explained why they fired the maid, even though she never got the autograph from JLo: “She has acted contrary to the contractual arrangements and disturbed the privacy of our guests.”

Ouch.

But again, it's not like she actually made eye contact with Lopez, because I've heard that maids who look her in the eyes are often found dead by morning.

Allegedly.

There have long been rumors of Christina Aguilera liking to swim in the lady pond—she even copped to some bisexuality in recent interviews but I chalked that up to being desperate for attention and a hit record—but now it seems Christina likes to, um, “bring the ladies” home for threesomes with her and boyfriend, Matt Rutler.

And now it seems that the former Mouseketeer hit on another former Mouseketeer at a Beverly Hills Party.

No, not Britney, though she might have taken Christina up on the offer.

The former Disney star Christina wanted to bed was High School Musical actress Vanessa Hudgens.

A source—and it’s probably other former Mouse gal, Demi Lovato—says the threesome proposal came last month at the Samsung Galaxy Note II launch bash, which was held at a private residence. They say Christina looked like “a hot mess in black stretch pants and wrinkled white T-shirt. [and] there were vodka bottles strewn all over her table, and she seemed to be glued to them. Eventually Matt looked like he had taken on the role of babysitter.”

But Christina perked up when she saw Vanessa. The source says: “She spent a lot of time on the dance floor gyrating next to Vanessa, who looked like she was having fun with the situation in a good-natured way. And the more Christina drank, the more her kinky side seemed to come out. It really seemed like she was playing the role of seductress – with Vanessa as her target!”

Hudgens, who is probably need of a career makeover, I mean, what’s she doing other than letting Christina grind on her, simply declined the offer.