Saturday, November 03, 2012

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

What is a cracktress to do when her representative, probably sick and tired of covering her drinking, drugging, driving, thieving, ass up and quits.
Well, we’ll have to see what Lindsay Lohan says because the man who tried to cover for her, from way back before her first stint at rehab, Steve Honig, done quit!
And it turns out it was all over tension with Lindsay’s dad.
Michael Lohan butted heads with Steve in the weeks leading up to his original Recipe™ intervention, but things got heated over the weekend, when Steve released a statement saying Lindsay’s management team had nothing to do with Michael’s plans.
Michael flipped out because, well, that’s what he does, and called Honig a “f**king liar” in a text message which made Steve pissy and he threw in the towel.
A towel ALLEGEDLY stolen from the Chateau Marmont, I’m guessing.
Honig, though, now says us he didn’t quit purely over Daddy Blohan, adding, “Michael wishes he were that important.”
Now what’s Lindsay gonna do the next time she runs someone over, or gets kicked out a hotel, or arrested?
Call her mommy and daddy?
That’s crazy talk.

More Blohan dramz.
Rumor has it that OR™ is, ahem, “careening toward financial ruin” by making stupid business decisions and recklessly stashing her money in unsafe places, like Mama Dina’s pocketbook.
Lindsay’s daddy, Michael, says Lindsay flew out to L.A.—right after the LimoGate brawl with her mama, DinaDrunka—in order to attend a launch event for a drink called Mr. Pink. Michael claims Lindsay was paid $150,000 for the event, in cash, and then she gave the money to her brother Michael Jr. to hold in his bank account for safe keeping. Daddy Michael is worried that Dina has access to that account, and a liquor store bill in the amount of 150K that is long overdue.
Lindsay’s lawyer, Dave Feldman, is outraged, outraged I tell ya, for not looping him and her business manager in to the Mr. Pink transaction in order to provide her more financial protection. In text messages to Daddy Lohan, Feldman calls Lindsay stupid—so harsh—for not including her management team on the Mr. Pink deal because—Dave says—they could have gotten her even more money for the job.
And more money for Dave, of course. And Michael and Dina.
Enablers all.

Imagine for a moment that you are Tom Cruise.
What do you do when your third wife publicly dumps you? Do you pick yourself up, put your lifts back in your shoes and keep trucking? Do you file a millions of dollars lawsuit against anyone who calls you, um, ALLEGEDLY gay or ALLEGEDLY  a bad Daddy?
Or, do you ALLEGEDLY  head out to be to nightclubs and maybe check your son Connor’s latest DJ gig like you at London hotspot Chinawhite? Perhaps hoping that your son can hook his fifty-year-old daddy up with the future ex-Missus Movie Star.
ALLEGEDLY.
According to Star magazine—that bastion of professional journalism—Tommy has been seen in nightclubs everywhere his son DJs, cozying up with some of Connor’s club buddies; he was even seen “flirting” with busty Playboy twins Carla and Melissa Howe, who were also recently photographed with, in-need-of-a-Silkwood-scrubdown, Russell Brand.
An insider—and it might ALLEGELY be Suri because she has only one parent now …. ALLEEGDLY—says,  “Tom is looking for a beautiful brunette between the ages of 23 and 30. You would think he’d have the confidence to land any woman he set his sights on, but any man’s game would be a little rusty after five years of marriage.”
So he tags along with Connor and flirts with Playboy “models”.
Midlife crisis?
Or mid “wife” crisis.
ALLEGEDLY.

Speaking of Playboy, Kelsey Grammer was on daddy duty over the weekend, so instead of hiring a babysitter or having a nanny, he and the missus—that gal about town, former flight attendant and gold-digger, Kayte—went to the Playboy mansion Halloween party and brought their three month old daughter in a bassinet with them.
I guess you’re never too young to have your Daddy take you to a Playboy party, and sources say Baby Faith was safely tucked into a bassinet right beside Kelsey as he whooped it up with fellow Upstanding Citizen Paris Hilton, who, may or may not, had cocaine in her cooch, because that’s how she rolls.
A Playboy Playmate Tweeted: “Why the fk does Kelsey Grammer have a newborn baby at the Mansion party!?!?!?”
Well, a Kelsey spokes-tool answered that question: “I am not sure why this is a story. People have taken their infant children out with them since the beginning of time. They didn’t stay long, and left before it got too noisy.”
My mom took me out when I was a wee newborn. Maybe to the store, or a doctor’s visit, but not to a Halloween Party at the Playboy Mansion.
She waited until I could walk up to the bar and order her a drink before she did that.
That’s parenting.
But, not to be outdone by his spokes-tool, Kelsey popped up to defend himself: “Kayte is breast-feeding and we do not have a nanny or a trusted babysitter at this time, so Faith goes everywhere with us. We enjoyed the party with a few of our friends, the baby slept as her ears were covered the entire time and we left shortly after midnight.”
Kayte went as a bitch, oops, typo, witch, while Kelsey went as Dracula and Baby Faith went as a Baby in need of Child Protective Services.

Oh dear.
Once a porn star always a porn star.
Kim Kash Kow Kardashian, who rose to fame on her knees in a porn video she tried to stop from being released, and then finagled a deal worth millions when it was released, may have a new sex tape being issues.
And this time, Porn Kim, with the Blow Job Lips and the Booty For Days, is said to be pocketing $30 million.
Her parents must be so proud; one, rolling over in his grave, and the other, taking her 10% as Kow’s manager and pimp.
This new tape is actually an old tape—heretofore unseen—where Kash Kow and her pimp, Ray J, do the nasty, and the nastier.
 “It’s definitely Kim in the video,” a source—and you know it’s Kris—said. “And it’s even raunchier than her last one. There are all kinds of eye-popping moments.”
Who cares if you can make a million off of it?
That’s all Kash Kow wants. Money.Moneny.Fame.Money.

Okay, I loathe Taylor Swift.
I loathe her music. I loathe her aw shucks, who me, she ain’t fooling anyone attitude. I loathe the way she serial dates—and you know she serial schtups—all kinds of celebrities, or famous rich kids, so she can break up with them write a catchy ditty and pocket a mint.
I mean, isn’t that her career path?
But now it seems that Taylor Swift and her latest “beau”, boy Conor Kennedy, have split, and it seems Conor did the dumping. Even after Taylor spent millions on The House Next Door. Conor was ALLEGEDLY freaked-out by Swift’s “OMG. I.Love.You.” schtick and called it quits.
But, not to be outdone, because she has scads of break-up songs to write and sell, Taylor claims that she did the breaking-up, though, really, does a stalker ever truly bend the relationship without having to go to jail?
Just sayin’.

So, Jessica Simpson’s daddy is a homo.
Who knew?
I did. Joe Simpson had the Gay written all over him, and you could tell he got his girls into showbiz because then he could wear flashy glows, tan all die, and keep himself blond and Botoxed without too many people getting any wiser.
And now it seems as if the fifty-something, married former-preacher, was having an affair with a 21-year-old hustler. Joe’s wife, Tina, found about hustler, Bryce Chandler Hill—and maybe some other nubile boys—after finding “modeling shots” of Bryce around the house. She noticed that some of the photos were taken inside her own home.
Ick.
A source—and it’s probably Ashlee, lip-synching the gossip—says, “Joe got busted after Tina found some modeling pictures of Bryce in her home. They were taken in and around the house and she was suspicious because she didn’t have a clue who the boy was. Joe and Tina …. Had a make or break vacation booked in Hawaii, so she didn’t ask Joe any questions at that point. However, when they returned to Los Angeles Joe bizarrely got on a plane to New York, just six hours after they had landed in California. She thought it was suspicious [and] sent Joe a text message asking if he had anything to tell her. She quizzed him about Bryce but he denied knowing the kid …. She flew to New York to make an unannounced visit to Joe. When she got there, she called him down to the lobby and they thrashed it out. It was there and then that Joe confessed he was having a gay affair with Bryce, who had left the hotel just days earlier, and Tina demanded a divorce.”
And she may get half his money, though not any of the ALLEGED $1.5 million he spent wining and dining and, well, you know, Bryce.
Again.
Ick.

8 comments:

Ask the Cool Cookie said...

If Scientology has all the answers, how come it just build a wife for Cruise a la Bride of Frankenstein?

anne marie in philly said...

what gay boy would ever want to schtup joe simpson? for that matter, what str8 boy would ever want to schtup ashlee/jessica simpson?

ICK ACK indeed!

mrs.missalaineus said...

150K can buy a shitload of boxed wine....


xxalainaxx

R.J. said...

OR™, Tommy Girl, Kelsey Grammer, Kash Kow and Stalker Swift all in the same post? I don't know how you can write about all them and not need a Silkwood Scrubdown afterward.

Tivo Mom said...

Joe Simpson ick is right.

the dogs' mother said...

Honestly who goes after an 18-yr-old high schooler who just lost his mother in a horrific way?

Jim said...

Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan ... only in America.

Ron said...

Ah yes, LIfe Styles of the Rich and Infamous, I DO LOVES IT!