Saturday, September 25, 2010

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

It pays to be rich in America.
It seems that serial drug addict--and her own personal drug mule--Paris Hilton has struck a plea deal with the Las Vegas district attorney after her arrest last month for gum, oh, I mean, cocaine, possession.
Paris will plead guilty to two misdemeanors and will serve one year probation, pay a $2,000 fine, and serve 200 hours of community service.
The best way for her to serve the community would be to disappear and never be heard from again.
In the plea agreement, the district attorney states:
"Defendant shall stay out of trouble. Defendant agrees that an arrest for any charge, excluding minor traffic violations for which a citation is issued, shall result in the immediate termination of her probation and the execution of the suspended sentences."

Paris Hilton? Stay out of trouble?
Yeah, that's like asking her to stay off drugs.
Never gonna happen.
It pays to be rich in America.


But not so much in Japan.
Paris Hilton, the 29-year-old drug-mule, drug-addict, fame-whore, after pleading guilty to two misdemeanors in her Las Vegas cocaine case, has been detained in Japan, unable to enter the country due to her drug charges and sentence.
Hilton was set to appear at a news conference in Tokyo to promote her fashion line, but that appearance was canceled. Hilton was forced to cancel her tour and returned home when she was denied entry at Tokyo's airport--running afoul of strict Japanese laws.
"I'm going back home, and I look forward to coming back to Japan in the future," Hilton sniffed, before departing on her private jet.The trip had been planned before Hilton's latest run-in with the law regarding drug use, and her subsequent arrest and guilty plea. The terms of her sentence did not restrict travel overseas, but Japan don't like cokewhores running amok in their streets.
Hilton's publicist, Dawn Miller, said Paris plans to make the trips at a later date: "Paris is very disappointed [that she was caught again with drugs] and fought hard to keep her business commitments [and drug buys] and see her fans [and dealers], but she is forced to postpone her commitments in Asia. Paris understands and respects the rules and laws of the immigration authorities in Japan and fully wishes to cooperate with them [and has trashed a hotel, a private plane, and every drug-infused restroom at the airport]."
We could learn a lesson from Japan.


Apparently, Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, wants to make a movie of her life story, and has already announced it to the press, and cast it as well.
According to Franklin, Halle Berry would portray her younger self--though Aretha has named no one to play her older, um, larger, self. Denzel Washington would take the role of her father, C.L. Franklin, and Terrence Howard would be Smokey Robinson.
Uh huh.
Halle can't sing, Aretha, at least not like you. And I can't see Denzel taking on what amounts to a small part of the whole story. And Terrence Howard? He's on TV now, girl.
But that ain't stopping Miss F. She is claiming that all of the actors are "enthusiastic about the project and have agreed to take on these roles, subject to further negotiation."
I guess when Aretha calls, everybody, and I mean everybody, shows some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.


Ashton Kutcher, who fancies himself quite the Twitterer, and I fancy him quite the twit, may find himself Demi Moore-less because of a far more dated technology.
Texting.
It seems that Kutcher, who may just barley make it to his fifth wedding anniversary with Moore, has been having an affair with 21-year-old Brittney Jones. And Jones, in typical mistress style, has held on to texts that she ALLEGES were sent to her by Ashton. And she has turned over the texts to Star magazine, that bastion of journalistic integrity.
Brittney [to Ashton]: "When's the next time you're gonna have an empty house?"
Ashton [to Brittney]: "Not sure. Maybe the end of the month. I'm w/ my daughter.""
Brittney Jones has already blabbed her story to Star magazine once before, claiming that she and Kutcher had sex on a couch while Demi was filming 'LOL: Laughing Out Loud' with Miley Cyrus.
If true, and I'm not saying it is, or it isn't, I wonder how Demi feels thinking her husband has been cheating on her with a women young enough to be her daughter.


Former Friends star [read: out of work former star] Matt LeBlanc is not a happy man.
Especially if you call him Joey.
LeBlanc says he wants to put his Friends past behind him, and when a reporter for the Uk Mirror accidentally called him Joey, LeBlanc went crazy.
The incident started when the 43-year-old actor[?] clumsily knocked into the reporter's table, sending glasses flying. The reporter jokingly asked, "You all right, Joey? How YOU do-in
LeBlanc, however, was not amused. He ALLEGEDLY raged, "I'm not Joey.... Don't you dare call me Joey.... The papers say I'm finished, so don't call me f**king Joey.... I want to leave that all behind. I'm moving on.....I'm not Joey....For the last time. I'm not f**king Joey.... It's Matt.... Matt LeBlanc.... Joey's in the past. I'm trying to do something new."
Whatever you say..........................Joey.

File this under: Too Bad, So Sad.
It seems that the company that built all of Mel Gibson's properties in Malibu, including his three residences and his own personal Tres Catholique church, are suing the Anti-Semite-Alcoholic-Batterer-Homophobe-Misogynist because he ALLEGEDLY owes them money.
And, if they win their lawsuit, Melvin will be facing foreclosure.
The first suit claims that Melvin Gibson owes Ramage Construction over $12,000 for work done on the three residences, while the second claims he owes some $200,000 on the church.
Churches are expensive, which is why i never built one at Chez Smallville.
Anyway, according to the terms of the lawsuit, Melvin can either cough up the cash he owes, or the company will ask for permission to foreclose.
Oh, the humanity.
Smirk.

Uh oh.
Does SJP know about this?
It seems that Mr Big, AKA Chris Noth, has some thoughts about the future of the Sex & The City franchise and it looks mighty bleak.
He says that Sex is dead, and the New York magazine killed it, and he gladly told that to a reporter from the magazine.
Huh? What? Huh?
Noth:
“It’s over. The franchise is dead. The press killed it. Your magazine fucking killed it. New York Magazine. It’s like all the critics got together and said, ‘This franchise must die.’ Because they all had the exact same review. It’s like they didn’t see the movie. Got any more gum?”
Um. Rather than gum, howsabout a Valium, because some one's a little peeved.
Magazines don't kill movies. Movies die because audiences don't go see them because sometimes a movie with a 2 after it is really just the same as the first movie, only, maybe, in the desert somewhere.

6 comments:

truthspew said...

Regarding owning your own church, I do hear that the Catholic church may be having a fire sale on church properties.

Stan in NH said...

Good crop of stories this week. I hope Melvin gets his comeuppance! He deserves it.

R.J. said...

Aretha: Mo'Nique could play her in her later years.

Ashton Kutcher: I see his career ending within three years of his imminent divorce. By that I mean he'll be on Big Brother 17.

Mel Gibson: In Redneckville we just convert old grocery stores into megachurches. No construction required!

Chris Noth: New York magazine didn't kill SATC. The director/writer killed SATC. It's people like me who cut work and showed up at the 11am showing and said WTF two and a half hours later who hammered the nails in the coffin.

Jim said...

How 'bout that Lindsay Lohan? Ooops, she did it again... I know that's Brittney Spears' song, but it fits Lindsay so good.
What a shame... but like you said about fellow lush/tramp Paris Hilton, it pays to be rich in America.
Have a great day!

Ivan Vargas said...

OK - let me get my thoughts in order. This one's a lot, and that is good.

On Paris: I can't believe how she glides into court with her sociopathic, blank grin reminiscent of the Stepford Wives and gets away with serving ACTUAL TIME in jail. The Japanese did much better... but it's still not enough. I know, perhaps writing about her fuels her own delusions of grandeur and her belief that she is still, truly, the It Girl, but really now. She needs to be brought down. Hard. So hard she'll never ever venture out in public with that fucking superior look of hers.

On Re-Re:
I'd love to see a well-made biopic of her life. Problem is the casting, like you said, and clearly, any singing will be dubbed because no one can belt it out like she can.

On Ashton:
You're telling me that this kid is cheating on a woman that nearing her 5th decade looks so hot I'd flip? What's wrong with this picture? [Although truth be told Tiger Woods already leads the way, and he was married to a beautiful woman.]

LeBlanc is Joey. Period.

Mel is a kind of crazy that deserves its own separate scrutiny. [shudder]

On SATC:
Yes, it is dead. No, mags didn't kill it, they themselves did. The people backing up the projects. I liked the sequel, it gave Kim Catrall LOADS more to do (she walked away with the movie), but come on already. Can't a happy ending die a natural death?

Jonathan said...

I hope they feature Areatha's hat that she wore at the inauguration. I freaking LOVE that HAT!