Bobservations

Not a Carlos story, but a true story about my mouth. The other morning as I was getting ready for work my phone rang:

“May I speak to Robert Slatten?”

“This is he.”

“How are you today, Mr. Slatten?”

“What can I do for you?”

“I’m Christine ______ from _____ Life and I see by our records you have a birthday coming up soon.”

“No. I don’t.”

“Oh, our records show your date of birth as August 2nd.”

“That’s not my birthday, that’s my father’s birthday. His name is Robert Slatten Jr.”

“Oh. I see the mix up—”

And then she says it:

“Do you think your father would be interested in life insurance?”

“I’m not sure, but considering he’s been dead since February, it looks like a hard pass.”

And then she makes it worse:

“I’m so sorry, please accept our condolences.”

“Thank you.”

“Any chance you’re interested in life insurance?”

“Seriously? You tried to sell life insurance to my dead father and now you want to sell it to me?”

“Well, I—”

:::click:::

This is another in a long list of reasons why I don’t like people.

This Tuxedo Memory is from August 2018 …

We had a bit of a scare last Friday involving the Greatest Cat in the World, Tuxedo.

See, our cats do not go outside, at least unattended. Tuxedo is allowed to walk along the railing with me by his side, or sit in my lap and take a siesta, but because of the rural nature of Casa Bob y Carlos, and the wild-ish animals who roam nearby, it’s not a good thing to let cats wander.

That said, over the course of time we’ve lived here Tuxedo has escaped a handful of times and has always been lured back inside by the promise of treats.

Last Friday, Carlos got up, let the dog out, fed the cats and made the coffee; we had breakfast and chatted and then I got up from the table …

“Where’s Tuxedo?”

“I don’t know, He was here for breakfast.”

"Did he get out when you let the dog in?”

“I don’t know.”

We began the search; through the house, in all the bedrooms, the office, the laundry room, the sunroom; under couches or on tables; in closets where perhaps a door was closed on him; in the bathroom.

No Tuxedo. I head out back, treats in hand, shaking the bag…

“TUXEDO! TUXEDO! TUXEDO!”

No Tuxedo. I go into the front yard …

“TUXEDO! TUXEDO! TUXEDO!”

No Tuxedo. Now I am scared and getting annoyed because I think Carlos missed him when he ran outside and so all kinds of thoughts—of what happened to the cat and what I will do to Carlos—are racing through my head.

“TUXEDO! TUXEDO! TUXEDO!”

Back inside; no cat. I then check every single cupboard in the kitchen, the laundry room and all the bathrooms, shaking that damned bag of treats as I go …

“TUXEDO! TUXEDO! TUXEDO!”

In the master bathroom, I look into a cupboard; no cat. I turn … and there he is, sitting in the bathtub.

See, the night before we’d given all the cats a hit of Advantage because they were scratching a lot. You give Advantage at the base of their neck, so they can’t lick it off.

Tuxedo, because he is so smart, thought he’d wait until Mean Daddy—his name for Carlos—got out of the shower and then he would roll around on the bottom of the tub so see if he could rub the Advantage off.

He got yelled at for disappearing and big smooch from Nice Daddy—that’s what he calls me—for being safe.

In the car, later, driving Carlos to work, I said:

“Sorry for all those hateful things I said about you when we couldn’t find Tuxedo.”

“You didn’t say anything mean to me.”

“In my head, sweetheart in my head.”

“Oh, I expect it was especially vicious then.”

“Yes.”

And luckily, just in my head.

Premise: You have 5 minutes before you die. What are you going to do? Well, I am going to text to a friend saying if they don't send that text to 10 other people immediately, I'll die in 5 minutes.

I’m going out with a laugh!

In the two days since President Biden dropped out of the race for reelection, Vote.org saw more than 38,500 people register to vote, a nearly 700% spike.

Vote.org  hopes to register 8 million voters before November’s election and says that 500,000 have already registered so far, including a record number of 18-year-old new voters.

Onward into the Blue.

More good news … Michigan has become the 20th state to ban the Gay Panic Defense thanks to Democrat Governor Gretchen Whitmer. The “gay panic” or “trans panic” legal defense allows defendants to argue that discovering a victim’s sexual orientation or gender identity justifies assault and even murder.

No, it doesn’t. Thanks Governor Whitmer.

Y’all heard that The Felon wants to eliminate taxes for tipped workers, right? Well, here’s the deal … 33% of tipped employees are too low wage to pay any income taxes so they would never see any tax cut. But since there is no cap on what counts as a ‘tip’ this plan creates a loophole for hedge fund managers, lawyers and other high-income professionals to take a huge tax cut by dubbing their massive bonuses as ‘tips.’

The rich get richer under The Felon while low-income workers suffer.

VOTE BLUE!!

And more good news ... Jim Kohlberg, chairman and co-founder of the private equity firm Kohlberg & Co., has pledged $30 million to launch a center to push for overhauling the corrupt SCOTUS. Maybe find a way to rid the court from the grifters and liars and cheats.

Let’s do this!

Anilton Cabral is a male model who lives on Praia, Cape Verde, a tiny island off the West coast of Africa, but that’s not what this is about: Would You Hit It?