Snarky Thoughts

I hate to pick on Madonna, but damn, the old girl makes it so easy.

It seems Madge went to the roller rink in Central Park this week and was surrounded by an entourage who literally guarded and guided her so she wouldn’t fall down. And if she did, Nile Rodgers, for whom she hosted a party, said:

“If Madonna falls down and goes boom, we all fall down and go boom.”

My Thought: put some blades on a walker and let Nana loose on the ice.

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As Ben Affleck and Jell-O—that’s what Carlos calls her and I am embracing it—continue their We Got Hitched World Tour in Paris, are cracks already beginning to form? Ben seems seriously annoyed by the amount of paparazzi attention he and the missus are getting, looking grim and angry in just about every photo.

My Thought: But look at Jell-O, all perfectly coiffed and made-up and dressed and beaming. One of these things is not like the other and that does not bode well. Especially given that Ben if back in LA while Jell-O continues the Italian leg if the Marriage Tour.

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Katharine McPhee, the fifth wife of serial monogamist … I kid … David Foster, who is actually younger than all of David’s children save two, and one of those is her son with the old man, has clearly found her spot behind the gates of One Percentville.

Apparently crime is on the rise in 90210 and McPhee, who lives in a gated community in a gated house and has security and drivers and private planes is running so scared that she is endorsing billionaire real estate developer Rick Caruso for LA mayor. And she asks that you vote for him because she and her friends cannot wear their rings and Rolexes in public anymore.

McPhee took to Instagram—because that’s what one does—to tell the tale of the night she was set to meet a friend and noted that she would not be wearing rings and watches in case someone jumped into giant SUV and disabled her bodyguards and the drivers and took her jewels.

My Thought: If you vote for a man just because Katharine McPhee wants to be able to wear her Rolex in public, perhaps you should rethink your right to vote ... as should the current, but probably not future, Mrs. David Foster.

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Now that Renée Zellweger is a few years into her 50s, she has decided to play the Jane Fonda card and talk about growing old with grace and dignity and to stop worrying about looking younger.

My Thought: Renée forgot about 2014 when she appeared on a red carpet looking nothing at all like Renée and denied having her droopy eyelids stapled higher on her forehead. Renée, honey, even Jane admits to getting work done.

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