Bobservations

So, we’re watching the Oscars the other night and Billie Eilish and Finneas are onstage singing ‘No Time To Die,’ and Carlos says:

“That’s a pretty song, but they might get sued.”

“Sued? For what?”

“Listen closely, because the melody sounds an awful lot like the theme from  a James Bond movie.”

“Sweetie pie, this is ‘No Time to Die’—"

“I know!”

“From the movie No Time To—”

“I. Know.”

“No Time To Die  is the latest Bond movie.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Oy, that man and his lack of pop culture information.

See, it’s like this: criminals in the GOP are fine and dandy, but ALLEGED  criminals outside the GOP need to be arrested and sent to jail without trial.

Difference between Men and Women:

A woman asks her girlfriends if she looks fat and they reply, “Noooo, you're beautiful!”

A guy asks his male friends if he looks fat and they say, “Bro, I have five fat friends and you're four of them.”

Senator Elizabeth Warren and two dozen other Democratic lawmakers are demanding that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas recuse himself from any cases involving 2020 election disputes or the January 6th insurrection after revelations his wife, Ginni AKA Queen QAnon, advocated actions to overturn the presidential election.

They also want Thomas and Chief Justice John Roberts to explain why Thomas didn’t recuse himself from a case involving access to the former White House records, in which Thomas was the lone vote against release of the documents.

C’mon y’all, he was just doing what Ginni told him to do.

North Carolina’s GOP QAnon Congressman Madison Cawthorn held a photo op touting the infrastructure funding for his district that came from the bipartisan infrastructure package.

Funny, cuz Little Maddie Cawthorn did not vote for the bill he was trying to take credit for and he was confronted by a man who asked him directly if he voted for the bill.

 Maddie rolled away without answering. 

Well well well … the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has said that Will Smith was asked to leave Sunday’s Oscars after assaulting Chris Rock but he refused  … because he had an Oscar to win and he wanted that more than he wanted to protect his wife’s ALLEGED honor.

And to prove the rotten apple doesn’t fall far from the tree on Oscar night, after the slap, Little Jaden Smith Tweeted:

"And That's How We Do It."

That says enough right there. Spoiled brats, that entire family.

Tennessee has passed a new “permitless” carry law stripping background checks and training from gun ownership so anyone can carry a gun anywhere.

It couldn’t get worse … until you realize a GOP state lawmaker is sponsoring a new bill to allow 18-year-olds to legally carry handguns in public.

Let the shooting begin.

The Camden Yard and Garden Contest is this weekend, and because the weather has been so iffy, we haven’t had the time to work in the yard, so I’m gonna wear this and stand in the front yard as the judges pass by.

I think we have a shot at winning.

Lastly, Calvin and Cory Boling, twin modeling brothers. Which One Would You Hit … or would you just be the meat in their sammich?

Architecture Wednesday: Outpost

This is Outpost, and artist’s live/work studio and sculpture garden set on twenty acres in the remote, harsh high desert of Bellevue, Idaho. This ain’t your mama’s vacation spot.

Rising from the high desert floor against a dramatic backdrop of the Sawtooth Mountains, this 3,882 square foot house was designed to age gracefully, to restrict impact on the land and to sort of force the owner to spend time outside. Now, the high desert is a windy spot, so there is an enclosed “paradise garden” where the owner has planted roses, grapes, and espaliered fruit trees that is separated from the landscape by thick masonry walls, but you are still outdoors.

A readily available construction material—concrete block—is used for the primary structure, making it quick and inexpensive to build. Interior finishes include unfinished recycled fir floors, walls, and cabinets; plaster made from natural clays and pigments; and Carrara marble kitchen counters. All of the other materials used in the structure, including the concrete block, car decking [structural tongue-and-groove material], and plywood, require little or no maintenance and are capable of withstanding the extreme weather that characterize the desert’s four seasons.

The separate studio/office, laundry, powder room, garage, and mechanical room are all on the lower entry level, and upstairs is designed around one open, multifunctional room overlooked by a mezzanine bedroom; with living spaces on the second floor, the home remains above the winter snowpack, and provides 360-degree views of the surrounding high desert and mountains.

It’s harsh, like the landscape, but fully functional, and environmentally friendly, and seems like an outpost on a distant planet.

That’s what I call a getaway.

OneKindDesign Olson Kundig

Take Them At Their Words

Oh, I just love when Republicans step in it and then try to scrape off their shoes and pretend they said nothing.

Last week during a call with members of the media, Indiana’s GOP Senator, Mike Braun said the U.S. Supreme Court was wrong to legalize interracial marriage decades ago, and that the decision should have been left to individual states.

No sooner than you could shout racism, or at least no sooner than a more intelligent person on Braun’s staff could get to him, five hours later, Braun released a statement saying he misunderstood "a line of questioning," and emphasized that he condemns racism "in any form."

It all happened during a press call when Braun said he believes abortion rights questions should have been left up to the states back when Roe v. Wade was decided in 1973.

A reporter then asked if he applied the same reasoning to the Supreme Court's decision in 1967 that struck down state laws banning interracial marriage under the 14th amendment, which guarantees all citizens equal protection under the law, and Braun said:

"When it comes to issues, you can't have it both ways. When you want that diversity to shine within our federal system, there are going to be rules and proceedings, they're going to be out of sync with maybe what other states would do. It's the beauty of the system, and that's where the differences among points of view in our 50 states ought to express themselves."

Not realizing what a racist tool he was sounding like, Mike Braun doubled down when asked if he would be agree with leaving the decision of whether to allow interracial marriage up to states:

"Yes, I think that that's something that if you're not wanting the Supreme Court to weigh in on issues like that, you're not going to be able to have your cake and eat it too. I think that's hypocritical."

And then hours later, after I’m sure his staff told him what a white sheet wearing asshat he sounded like, Braun backtracked:

“Earlier during a virtual press conference I misunderstood a line of questioning that ended up being about interracial marriage. Let me be clear on that issue — there is no question the Constitution prohibits discrimination of any kind based on race, that is not something that is even up for debate, and I condemn racism in any form, at all levels and by any states, entities, or individuals.”

I don’t know, Mike, when you answered the question on interracial marriage you seemed very clear it should be a state’s rights issue, and then suddenly you did a one-eighty.

Not quite buying it, but it does get the idea out there that, maybe, if votes go a certain way, those so-called conservatives can put a stop to that “mixing of the races” business.

And it’s not just interracial marriage … during the second day of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s Supreme Court confirmation hearing last week, Texas’ GOP Senator John Cornyn attacked marriage equality. His objection is that granting equal rights to LGBTQ people … let that sink in, granting equality … conflicts with the religious beliefs of some people, to which Jackson responded:

“Well, senator, that is the nature of a right. That when there is a right, it means that there are limitations on regulation, even if people are regulating pursuant to their sincerely held religious beliefs.” 

Indeed, rights are guarantees of freedom that the Constitution does not leave to the political process, not does it leave to churches of political parties who want to enshrine their religious beliefs … their religious beliefs … into law. 

Cornyn’s second complaint is that marriage equality is not in the Constitution, and therefore in guaranteeing the freedom to marry, SCOTUS invented a new right. But the same could be said then about Loving v Virginia which granted the rights of interracial couples to marry, so does Cornyn think interracial marriage is also a bad idea? Maybe his buddy Mike Braun was onto something?

Don’t think this is just one aging GOP loon spouting idiocy. Much of what the GOP “stands” for these days is stripping back any expansion of LGBTQ+ rights, from Florida’s, and other state’s, ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bills to banning trans athletes from competing in sports, and more.

John Cornyn is giving voice to that hate-filled ideology, and his questions show us how the conservatives view LGBTQ+ equal rights and how they plan to undo them.

So, again, I will say this: if you believe that LGBTQ+ Americans deserve the same rights as every other American, including the right to simply exist, then get off your asses and speak up, and stand up, and … here it comes … CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE … because if, at the midterms, the Democrats lose the house, you can know that the target on our backs, the LGBTQ_+ community, and the target on the backs of teachers teaching actual history, and the targets on the back of women having the right to choose what they can do with their own bodies, and the rights of trans Americans to be seen and respected for who they are, will disappear.

And, other than racists and bigots and faux-Christians, who the hell wants that?

IndyStar  Mother Jones

Nice News ... From Texas No Less

Last week, Texas’ bigoted and transphobic and Republican Attorney General, Ken Paxton, sent a letter to the Austin Independent School District [AISD] saying their Pride Week was “breaking state law.”

Paxton says that by hosting Pride Week, the district “has, at best undertaken a week-long instructional effort in human sexuality without parental consent. Or, worse [the] district is cynically pushing a week-long indoctrination of [students] that not only fails to obtain parental consent, but subtly cuts parents out of the loop.”

Less than an hour after reading Paxton’s letter, AISD superintendent, Stephanie Elizalde, Tweeted:

“I want all our LGBTQIA+ students to know that we are proud of them and that we will protect them against political attacks.”

And then District spokesperson Jason Stanford announced that the AISD Pride celebration would continue as planned:

“We’re going to react to this by doubling down on making sure our kids feel safe and celebrating Pride.”

Now, to be fair, while this is amazing news considering its Texas, this is coming from Austin, a more liberal spot of the rabid red state.

But still, it’s a start.

And speaking of Texas, last week Texas’ GOP Senator Ted Cruz made a big production during the SCOTUS confirmation hearings about how wrong it is that children’s books promoting anti-racism are being taught at a private school in Washington, D.C., where Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson is a board member.

He kept talking about “Antiracist Baby” and now that book is Amazon’s No. 1 bestselling children’s book under the category of “difficult discussions,” the No. 6 bestselling children’s book under the category of “growing up & fact of life,” and the No. 15 bestselling book out of all children’s books globally.

See, even Ted Cruz can do some good, even though he doesn’t know any better.

Oscarvations

Before we get to the show, and that slap, let me pause at one Laverne Cox who handled the Red Carpet for E! I love Laverne, but every single person she spoke to she asked this question:

What story are you telling with your look tonight?

I know it’s the new Who are you wearing, but goddess it was ridiculous. As was Laverne use, and overuse, and endless overuse of the word ‘iconic.’ Not everyone or every film or every song or every designer is iconic, Laverne.

Choose news words.

That said, let’s dig in … Beyonce’s performance of her Oscar nominated song from King Richard was mostly about Beyoncé and the ever-present wind machine and less about the film. 

Oh wait, she limo’d her ass to Compton and filmed it on a tennis court painted to match her outfit, so there’s that. And then she showed up in the audience. Why not perform live, Bey? Huh?

Anyhoo … there were actual hosts for the first time in years and , for the first time in history three women hosted: Amy Schumer, Wanda Sykes and Regina Hall: And it should not be the last because these women killed it.

We needed some laughs after these last couple years and these women did not disappoint.

This year the Academy hired three women to host because it’s cheaper than hiring one man.

I’m proud to be representing Black women standing proud.

And living out loud.

And I’m representing unbearable white woman who call the cops when you get a little too loud.

There were a lot of snubs this year. Rachel Zegler for ‘West Side Story.’ Jennifer Hudson for ‘Respect.’ And Lady Gaga and Jared Leto for ‘House of Random Accents.’

Samuel L. Jackson got the Governor’s Award for his Lifetime Body of Work …

Meh.

Did you just ‘meh’ Samuel L. Jackson?

I love him, he’s my guy, but there are a few holes in his resume. Like where’s the Sam Jackson rom-com  … like Sam Jackson and Jenifer Lewis in ‘When This MoFo Met That MoFo’ or the sequel ‘Bitch! I Said I Love You.’ And where’s his musical? ‘Rent? Ho, I said Where’s My Rent?”

We’re gonna have a good night tonight and for you people in Florida, we’re gonna have a Gay Night. Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay

And Amy Schumer scored …

I’m Amy Schumer, or as they know me in Hollywood, Melissa, McCarthy said, ‘No.’

Inspirational isn’t it? After years of Hollywood ignoring women’s stories, we finally got a film about the incredible William’s sister’s … dad.

‘Don’t Look Up’ is nominated,. I guess academy voters don’t look up … reviews.

Leonardo DiCaprio has done so much for climate change … leaving behind a cleaner, greener, planet for his girlfriends … because he’s older and they’re younger.

Aaron Sorkin is here,. A genius. I mean the innovation to make a movie about Lucille Ball without even a moment that’s funny. It’s like making a biopic about Michael Jordan and just showing the bus trip between games.

Loved that Amy signed about much she loved Coda.

Daniel Kaluuya and H.E.R. … OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS Ariana DeBose West Side Story

… l loved her speech about being an out Afro-Latina.

Regina Hall killed me by rounding up the Hot Guys for COVID testing … Bradley Cooper, Timothée Chalamet, Tyler Perry, Simu Liu.

 Javier Bardem? Oh you’re still with Penelope? Your test is fine, it says that you’re married … negative! Will Smith, you’re married and you’re on the list but it looks like Jada approved you, so get on up here … I’ll take you all backstage, take your masks off, and your clothes and I’m gonna swab the back of your mouths with my tongue, and I will record for academy protocol.

Jason Momoa and Josh Bolin present ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND to Dune … followed by Wesley Snipes, Rosie Perez, and Woody Harrelson, after another tired pot joke for Woody, present ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY to Dune … and then DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT for The Queen of Basketball

Jacob Elordi, and he is kinda hot and tall and Aussie, and Rachel Zegler are up to present. He jokes about growing up in Australia and never thinking he’d be on the Oscar stage and Zegler says she didn’t believe it even six days ago … yes, she’s still that thirsty girl present ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS to Dune …

Tony Hawk, Kelly Slater—oh, I love a hot bald man—and Shawn White present a tribute to James Bond …  and yet there was not one shot of Daniel Craig shirtless or coming out of the surf … I protest!  You can have your Connery, Moore, Brosnan, whomever, but give me Craig  in the squarecut!

Is that too much to ask?

But then Stephanie Beatriz presented nominee for Best Song, Dos Oruguitas, and it was performed by that hot little Latino nugget Sebastián Yatra.

Lily James, Halle Baily and Naomi Scott present BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM to Encanto … BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM for The Windshield Wiper… after which Wanda Sykes tours the new Academy Museum of Motion Pictures … spots the Ruby Slippers and says they’re from Kinky Boots, back when it was Kinky Kitten Heel … and when shown an empty spot where Hattie McDaniels’  Oscar should have been had it not gone missing after she donated it a university said:

The empty case honors all the Oscars won by Black Directors.

And then she is shown that dress worn by Cher the year she was snubbed by Oscar and thinks it was a dress worn by Little Richard.

Youn Yuh-jung presents OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR to Troy Kotsur for Coda, only the second deaf actor to win an Oscar. In his speech he tells a heartbreaking story about his father, whom he said was the best signer, until an accident left him paralyzed from the neck down and he never signed again.

Tiffany Haddish and Simu Liu … he’s totes adorbs … present BEST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE FILM for Drive My Car … after which Mila Kunis presents Reba McIntyre singing ‘Somehow You Do’ from Four Good Days … meh … I left the room for more wine.

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM forThe Long Goodbye .. ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN for Cruella .. John Leguizamo presents a live performance of ‘We Don’t Talk About Bruno’ from Éncanto. This was fun with a huge cast performing the tune.

Out comes Wanda Sykes as King Richard, joined by Regina Hall, who was supposed to be Venus, but switched it up to be Tammy Faye, ‘a crazy white lady,’  with Amy Schumer, who should have been Serena, but dropped from the roof as Spiderman.

Jennifer Garner, Elliott Page and JK Simmons present BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY to Kenneth Branagh for Belfast … and then we have Tracee Ellis Ross and Shawn—could he look or act or sound or walk more stereotypically gay—Mendes present BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Coda … BEST ORIGINAL SCORE Dune … and then Rami Malek presents Billie Eilish and Finneas to sing ‘No Time to Die’ from No Time to Die. It’s your typical Bond song, interchangeable with the last three of four Bond songs … ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING for Dune … 

Joe Walker wins and says:

“So, you may not know, but the words ‘Oscar-nominated’ can be used, in the hands of a skilled seventeen-year-old, as an insult. My daughter once said to me in an argument, ‘It’s all very well for you, Oscar-nominated Joe Walker.”

The one, sort of, dull comedic moment, was Regina and Wanda handing out consolation prizes, except for the inspirational quote from Kim Kardastrophe that they gave to Dame Judy Dench who didn’t win last night:

“Work harder.”

And now … the slap. Chris Rock is up to present BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE … but first tells a few jokes. He tells one about Jada Pinkett Smith, who has shaved her head because she says she suffers from Alopecia, that she could star in the next GI Jane film, and the camera went in on the Smiths. Jada kinda smiled and then her face turned sour. Will,  on the other hand, laughed a bit, and then as the camera went back to the stage, Will Smith strides up  to Rock, and smacks him in the face; as he walked back, he was wearing that typical Smug Self-Serving Self-Satisfied  Smith Smile so I thought it was a joke until the show skipped and went mute. Luckily, I was on the laptop, and searched Twitter to find the footage, and Rock said:

“Wow, Will Smith just smacked the shit outta me.”

Will, back in the audience, screamed, twice:

“Keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth.”

Chris said:

“Oh, I could … I …”

And I kinda wished he did. Will Smith is a pompous dick, who clearly smiled at the joke until, GI Jada told him she was upset and then he walked onstage in front of millions of people around the world and assaulted another man over a joke; a stupid joke, to be fair, but a joke. Now, the backstory goes that in 2016 Jada announced she was boycotting the Oscars after Will was snubbed and Chris Rock, hosting that year, made a joke about it, and clearly Will and Jada held onto that and this year, after a dumb joke, Will Smith chose to assault a man on live TV.

Twitter had a field day, with my favorite Tweet being about Will Smith asking Rock to keep his wife’s name out of his mouth even though he knows other men—including a friend of his son—have put Jada in their mouths. And another about how you can screw Will Smith’s wife, but you can’t joke about her hair.

Now, to again show what a smug self-self-self-satisfied prick Will Smith is, he stayed! If Jada was so offended and he was so irate, why not go home; why not take your wife’s hand and walk out, but he stayed because he wanted an Oscar more than he wanted to defend his wife’s honor over a joke.

Chris Rock, on the other hand, went on to present BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE to Summer of Soul [When the Revolution Could Not Be Televised], which Questlove accepted and gave a moving speech, before breaking down about his father’s passing, but it was darkened by little man, big ego.

Sean P. Diddy Puff Daddy Puffy Diddy Combs came out and said Will and Chris should settle it with love, and flash to Will and Jada laughing, Excuse me, but fuck them. Combs also paid tribute to the 50th anniversary of The Godfather after which Francis Ford Coppola, Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino walked out onstage.

The In Memoriam, sung to a medley of I Will Remember You, Spirit In The Sky, Heaven [I’m Goin’ There], and a spoken word segment by Jill Scott, paid special tribute to several of those we lost this year, notably Betty White,  honored for her work with animals by Jamie Lee Curtis.

ACHIEVEMENT IN PRODUCTION DESIGN went to Dune ..  and then Zoë Kravitz and perpetually scorching Jake Gyllenhaal present BEST ORIGINAL SONG to ‘No Time To Die’ Billie Eilish and Finneas. Billie cannot stop laughing and I can’t help but imagine how pissed Beyoncé was since she made a special movie about her song. Oh well, Bey, there’s always the wind machine.

Kevin Costner came out and gave a speech about seeing a movie that was as long as the show itself … yawn … then presented ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING to Jane Campion for The Power of the Dog. 

After that we get another tired grouping from an older movie with Uma Thurman, Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta from Pulp Fiction who presented OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE  to The Batterer, who cried and tried to turn the story of Richard Williams into one about protecting his family, and how Will was protecting his family … against a lame joke. And then he segued into how God wants him to work as a protector. Seriously, if protecting people means bitch=slapping someone because you’re butt hurt, I think you need a new God.

Oh, and … Fuck. All. The . Way. Off.

ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING for The Eyes of Tammy Faye … and then Amy Schumer came out and said she’d been getting out of the Spiderman costume and what happened and Will, the Batterer, laughed. She then made a joke about seat-fillers and claimed Kirsten Dunst is a seat-filler. She plops down beside Jesse Plemons, who reminds her that it was his wife Amy just sent away:

“Wait, your wife is a seat filler.”

Anthony Hopkins presents OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE to Jessica Chastain for The Eyes of Tammy Faye and she spoke eloquently to the LGBTQ+ community and how Tammy Faye stood up for us because, as she said, that’s what “Christians” do.

Lady Gaga is up last, with Liza Minelli, in a wheelchair, and clearly suffering some form of dementia, to present Best Picture. It makes me sad when the Oscars trot out these aging stars to present an award, and these people don’t seem to know where they are, or what they’re doing. The only sweet thing was Gaga looking at Liza and saying:

“I got you.”

I wish she’d gotten the academy not to use Liza like that.

Finally … BEST PICTURE Coda.

Interesting show, some surprises, some good jokes—Wanda, Amy and Regina—killed, and some lovely speeches, Troy Kotsur for one, and, you know, that assault by a little man. Thanks Will for making the show all about your ego and your wife’s ego, too.

Again, fuck off.

Oscar Fashions: From the Best to the WTF and Beyond

There’s a lot to dig into about last night’s show, especially about the bitch slap … let me rephrase that … about the bitch who slapped, but first let’s get into what the show is really about: Fashion!

Let’s dish …

BEST

Nicole Kidman. This kinda looks like a futuristic version of a dress Lucille Ball would have worn, and I am living for it.

Zendaya. Yes, it looks like the look Sharon Stone wore many, many years ago, but this is a modern take on the man’s shirt and she added a glitzy sequined skirt.

BEST GOOD VERSUS EVIL

Caitriona Balfe is channeling some Nicki Kidman with the constructed peplum, but this time in all white, while Cynthia Erivo is giving me Evil Queen who makes me wanna join her team.

VERY GOOD

clockwise

Lupita Nyong'o is all that glitters, like an Oscar, and she even has streamers on the dress. It’s like Oscar fireworks.

H.E.R. I love the short skirt under the longer top; it’s giving me mullet, in a good way. H.E.R. really brought some cool factor.

Penelope Cruz. I love the vest and bowtie look to the dress and the full skirt; and you gotta love pockets! 

Regina Hall. Oh, this is sexy and elegant and chic; I love the coffee with cream color, and the flowiness. Yes, ma'am, Miss Regina.

GOOD

clockwise

Olivia Colman. This is giving me 1920s bad girl flapper turned rich society dame.

Tiffany Haddish. I love the blond hair; seems so old school 1920s Cotton Club star. Love the pattern and the fit … not an inch to spare … and the wee train.

Wanda Sykes. I adore her, and I love that she took a classic men’s tuxedos but gave it some flair. Very cool.

Zoë Kravitz. I’m getting Breakfast at Tiffany’s Audrey Hepburn. I’m mean, talk about pretty in pink.

MEH

clockwise

Jessica Chastain. This breaks my heart because Chastain usually brings it, but this is screaming superhero ball gown to me and begs the question, ‘Who the fuck thought a ruffled hem was a good idea?’

Amy Schumer. Yeah, I know, Amy isn’t what you’d call fashionable but could she have gone somewhere besides the Marshall’s As-Is Rack for her dress?

Reba McIntyre. It’s 2022 so she checked her closet for a dress she wore to the Country Music Awards in 1987 and dusted it off and brought it to Hollywood.

Maya Rudolph continuing her decline into Mrs. Roper territory. I mean. C’mon, a caftan, and ostrich feather cuffs? Maya? Really?

Maggie Gyllenhaal. I cannot shake the thought that those gold things hanging from the dress were purchased from the hardware section at Lowes while Maggie was looking for new kitchen cabinet pulls.

Jamie Lee Curtis. I like the dress. It fits Jamie Lee’s age and style, but those damned long sleeves that look like mesh gloves.

ROYALTY

Judi Dench. That’s Dame Judi Dench to you, and I love the simple elegance of the look, though it is giving me a little Missus Obi Wan Kenobi.

Rita Moreno looks fierce and fun and fabulous, supporting the reboot of a film she made sixty years ago. We should all strive to look this good at ninety!

WOMEN IN RED

clockwise

Tracee Ellis Ross always brings it, and last night it looked like the gurl just wanted to have fun!

Kirsten Dunst. This one looked deceiving because at first it just read strapless red dress, and then it reads giant red rose. I like this one a lot, very feminine.

Marlee Matlin. Meh. It’s red and basic, but if you played up the shoulder pads it would have been a Joan Crawford moment.

Ariana DeBose wore a fricking pantsuit and ruled the red carpet. And out and proud woman of color doing exactly what she wants. Brava!

Jennifer Garner wears the same exact look at every awards show. I imagine that the divorce settlement with Ben let her keep the dress in every color.

Rosie Perez. It’s not a bad dress, really, though it seems tired, but it’s the mall hair that takes it all the way down to Forever 21.

WTF

clockwise

Jada Pinkett Smith. This is what a thirsty wife of a man who has yet to win an Oscar wears because she wants to be seen. She doesn’t want to be able to walk, or even sit down comfortably, but she wants to be seen.

Naomi Scott I keep trying to like it, but all I get is “Forgive me Father for I have sinned.”

Kristen Stewart. What is the absolute fuck was she thinking? I get it, she’s the rebel, the outsiders, but take down to any corner on Hollywood Blvd. and you’ll find twenty other girls dressed just like this.

Billie Eilish. This is a tiny girl swathed in an entire fabric store of ugly. WHY????

MEN IN COLOR

clockwise

Jay Ellis. I have a problem with a white tuxedo because the black shoes annoy me but white shoes would piss me off. So, ankles up this is one hot look on one hot man.

David Oyelowo. At first I thought it was one of those designs where you try to find the hidden word and believe me I searched every inch of the photo and didn’t find it. I may start over ...

Simu Liu. No pastel colors for this one; he took the Bette Davis route from Jezebel and wore red to the party and rocked it.

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. Again with the white, but this time the pants don’t fit so well in the calf area. Perhaps a second go round at the tailors?

Sebastián Yatra. I thought pink? ‘Oh honey no.’ And I looked at it longer and I thought, ‘Oh honey yes.’

Kodi Smit-McPhee looks like a pretty blue boy, and gets major props for shaking things up, but I need a picture of him side-by-side with Sebastián Yatra, so I made one.

MEN 

clockwise

Andrew Garfield. Cute, nice suit, love the accent. But man oh man, could he mix it up every so often?

Bradley Cooper. Same boring tux, but this time he mixed it up by not coming his hair.

Josh Brolin. It’s rare to see him smile … even offscreen … so he’s given me hot villain vibes.

Kenneth Branagh. I can’t help but think he needs to show me to my seat.

Jason Momoa. I’d like to climb his front façade and then shimmy down that braid to the backside.

Shaun White. If you’re gonna wear a standard tuxedo, do like Shaun and get one that fits like a glove. Hot.

Timothée Chalamet. Yes, he had no shirt on, or maybe I ripped it off in the limo. Sue me.

Jamie Dornan. Take a look Bradley, this is how it’s done. Suit fits, hair is combed; it’s not rocket science.

THE WORST

Wesley Snipes. Look, I get it, he’s had money troubles a few years back, but he couldn’t afford a full suit?

Diane Warren … Okay, we know … she wears pants all the time. But could the color be uglier and could the fit be more awful?

And there you have it … who was your Best and Worst and who may you wonder,  What were they thinking?