Thursday, November 30, 2017
Random Musings
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As is our habit, we decorate the house for Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving, and, as is my habit, I become a combination of Martha Stewart, Joan Crawford and Adolph Hitler in my zeal to make the house look just so ... which may explain why Carlos disappeared during the tree trimming and only returned as the last ornament was hung.
Now, lest you think it’s all Poor Carlos, listen up … listen up … We were decorating the outside, hanging lights and stringing garland on the front porch. We have these two large bows we put on the porch pillars, but since they spend so much of the year folded up inside a box, it takes a minute to flatten them back out, and then puff them up so they look like bows.
After doing the first one, I took the second one out of the box and said to Carlos:
“I’m gonna take this bow into the house so I can straighten it out and get it ready to hang on the pillar with the other one.”
Carlos looked at me and said:
“You only have one bow up there.”
Uh huh. It’s not just me.
PS This is me decorating for Christmas. Just sayin'.
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Texas Congressman, and Republican … because, of course … Joe Barton apologized last week for sending a nude selfie that ended up all over social medial he claimed the person who leaked it was a woman with whom he had a consensual relationship:
“While separated from my second wife, prior to the divorce, I had sexual relationships with other mature adult women. Each was consensual. Those relationships have ended. I am sorry I did not use better judgment during those days. I am sorry that I let my constituents down."
The photo is that one down there, with the ugly little bits crossed out, of Barton pointing his camera up toward his face from below his genitals alongside a text reading:
“I want you soo bad. Right now. Deep and hard.” 
Seriously. This is what a grown ass man does? But then he’s a family values Republican separated from his second wife who admits to have had consensual sexual relationships with other women while awaiting his divorce.
Hypocrites. The lot of them.
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Well, well, well … Dictionary.com has announced their Word of the Year and we can thank Ivanka ‘Grifter’ _____ for it.
See, Ivanka’s choice to remain involved in her father’s presidency and act like his littler lap dog helped make “complicit” the Word of the Year!
Cuz, you know, she’s complicit.
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A painting of Christ by the Renaissance master Leonardo da Vinci sold for a record $450 million last week. The painting, called "Salvator Mundi," Italian for "Savior of the World," is one of fewer than 20 paintings by Leonardo known to exist and the only one in private hands.
But still … $450 million? That money could not have been used for something better?
Oh the problems of the 1%. Or the 1% of the 1%.
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Okay, this whole CGI [computer generated imagery] business in filmmaking has gone too far and I will not stand for it.
Apparently the shorts that Armie Hammer’s character wears in the new film Call Me By Your Name were so short that some of his, um, er, anatomy kinda spilled out of the bottom of them and director Luca Guadagnino had to digitally remove Hammer’s balls from certain parts of the film.
Really? On the upside, rumor has it that if you look hard enough, you might be able to find them elsewhere.
This is a true story but mostly it’s just a blatant attempt by me to post another photo of yet another Husband In My Head, Armie Hammer.
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Well, the half-wit-half-term former governor of Alaska, Mama Grizzly Bore™ was in DC recently and many in the media wanted her take on all these new cases of sexual harassment and assault; this is what she had to say:
“You know, I think a whole lot of people know that, I’m probably packing. So I don’t think there’s a whole lot of people who would necessarily mess with me.”
Yeah, that’s not why, you gasbag.
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One of my favorite things about the internet is all the crazy that pops up … as in this story that came about this week when My Husband In My Head, Prince Harry announced his engagement to American Meghan Markle.
According to Twitchy editor Greg Pollowitz, Harry and Meghan’s children may be American citizens, giving them the chance to rule not only one country, but two. And it’s a way for England to Make America English Again.
To Pollowitz and his special brand of crazy, I say, “Sod off, you wanker.”
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Eric ‘The Dumb One[?]’ _____, AKA on the interwebz as Forest _____ coming down on the side of stupid in the aftermath of his father’s use of the word Pocahontas to describe Elizabeth Warren at that White House event celebrating Navajo code talkers.
Forest, er, Eric, Tweeted:
“The irony of an ABC reporter (whose parent company Disney has profited nearly half a billion dollars on the movie “Pocahontas”) inferring that the name is “offensive” is truly staggering to me.”
What I find ironic is the Eric doesn’t seem to realize that the Disney film Pocahontas was called that because it was about Pocahontas, and it was used as a slur against anyone.
.Seriously, he’s that dumb.
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After that, I need a palate cleanser of hot men …
Brandon Quinn, top left, plays the love interest of Kevin’s sister on Kevin [Probably] Saves The World. Why he couldn’t have been Kevin’s love interest annoys me.
Daniel Francis, top right, is a British actor who plays Dr. Facilier on Once Upon A Time, a show noted for hot men in leather pants.
Alexander Skarsgård, bottom left, plays my BFF Nickie Kidman’s husband on the HBO show Big Little Lies. He’s not a nice man, rather abusive, in fact, but damn … he’s fine.
And then we have Tom Riley, bottom right, who plays Charlie the cancer patient on the BBC show Ill Behaviour, now airing on Showtime.
I feel better, and a little tingly, now.
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Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Architecture Wednesday: She Looks Good For Fifty!
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Not a new home, this 2574 square foot beauty, located in Westchester County, New York, was designed by Roy Johnson in 1969.
And looks like it’s in a park, with the woods, and the lawns, and the pool with a waterfall. I love all the wood—it looks like a pagoda-style cabin—and the windows that flood the house with light.
Still, a nearly fifty-year-old house might be showing her age, but clearly the kitchen and baths have been redone and yet still suit the style of the home.
I might like to sip a nice Malbec on the terrace while Carlos does some grilling.
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It's Sad ....
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... when no one wants to sit beside the racist at the meeting.
... when the kid no one likes eats alone.
... when a pasty faced clown, a sexual predator and a man who gleefully takes away children's heathcare sit together.
... when even Paul Ryan and Mitch McTurtle don't want to sit next to you.
Your turn ... caption this photo.
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Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Stuff and Nonsense
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As I was scanning the internet looking for a little something to talk about, nothing really jumped out at me, but several things kinda tickled my fancy …
As when the Lying Hypocritical Racist Homophobic Misogynistic Pussy Grabbing Transphobic Pedophile Supporting White Supremacist called Senator Elizabeth Warren 'Pocahontas' … at an event honoring Native Americans.
For the last two years the Fat Bastard has been calling Warren ‘Pocahontas’ because she claims her ancestors included Cherokee and Delaware Indians. And so yesterday, standing in front of a portrait of Andrew Jackson, the worst thing to happen to Native Americans since the white man and the US government, the Fat Bastard, honoring several Native American war veteran code talkers—who used their native language during both World Wars to outwit the enemy—called Warren by that slur.
His racism was met with silence, though I wish just one person has said … Shut the fuck up.
Later that day, at a press briefing, Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, who never met a lie she didn’t embrace whole-heartedly, agreed the Lying Hypocritical Racist Homophobic Misogynistic Pussy Grabbing Transphobic Pedophile Supporting White Supremacist should not use racial slurs, but said calling Warren ‘Pocahontas’ was not a slur.
Um, why don’t you ask Native Americans if it’s a slur, you lump of clay? Ask African Americans if the N-word is a slur, and then ask your president’s base of white supremacists and you’ll get two different answers.
But Huckleberry Sanders wasn’t done; she then, wrongfully, stated that Elizabeth Warren has claimed Native American heritage to advance her career.
Like her boss, the Fat Bastard, Sarah Huckleberry Sanders is a liar. You can tell because her mouth is moving.
Also that same day, the Lying Hypocritical Racist Homophobic Misogynistic Pussy Grabbing Transphobic Pedophile Supporting White Supremacist announced he’d like to have a contest between CNN and other news networks—but "not including Fox"—to determine which outlet "is the most dishonest, corrupt and/or distorted in its political coverage."
And in that same Tweet where he gave a verbal rim job to Fox the Lying Hypocritical Racist Homophobic Misogynistic Pussy Grabbing Transphobic Pedophile Supporting White Supremacist also called himself … wait for it, it’s priceless … "your favorite President." I can think of any number of other president, forty-four to be exact, that I would call my favorite before stooping that low; and most of those are dead.
On the upside, a federal judge has granted a preliminary injunction against the Lying Hypocritical Racist Homophobic Misogynistic Pussy Grabbing Transphobic Pedophile Supporting White Supremacist and his administration, ordering the Pentagon to accept transgender military recruits beginning the first of January.
All that winning …. And by winning, of course, I mean losing.
On the downside, it appears that Bernie Sanders is preparing another run at the White House in 2020.
For the love of the country, Bernie, please sit this one out. You’re rapidly becoming the Democratic John McCain who somehow thinks this is your turn.
It’s not. Sit. Down.
And Lastly, rumor has it that Prince Harry—my once and future Husband-In-My-Head … yeah, Haters he’s still in there—will not be inviting the Lying Hypocritical Racist Homophobic Misogynistic Pussy Grabbing Transphobic Pedophile Supporting White Supremacist to his wedding next Spring. Harry is not a fan, and his future wife, Meghan Markle, even less so.
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Monday, November 27, 2017
The Fat Bastard: Stupid Is As Stupid Does
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The Fat Bastard In Chief has been having a field day in Stupid of late—yes, even more than normal—and, well, as an early Christmas gift, here’s some of his idiocy …
First up, _____, having spent his holiday golfing for the 78th, 79th, and 80th time since he took office less than a year ago, took to Twitter to praise Fox News—whose lips were clearly attached to his sphincter—and to criticize CNN … again:
Naturally, CNN doesn’t suffer fools like Fox News does and so they replied to set _____ straight:
Earlier this month, when pressed about pedophile senate candidate Roy Moore, _____ tried to say he doesn’t watch much television:
“I do not watch much television. I know they like to say that. People that don’t know me, they like to say I watch television, people with fake sources. You know, fake reporters, fake sources. But I don’t get to watch much television. Primarily because of documents.”
Um, because of ‘documents’ or because Melania hid the remote?
After that little bit of buffoonery, comes the story that _____, likening himself to pedophile senate candidate Roy Moore, is now questioning the authenticity of those “Access Hollywood” tapes in which he brags about sexual assaulting women.
You know, the tapes we all heard, and the tapes for which he apologized for saying these things:
“When you’re a star, they let you do it.” “I moved on her and I failed. I’ll admit it.” “I did try and f**k her. She was married.” “And I moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping. She wanted to get some furniture. I said, ‘I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.’” “I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.” “I’ve gotta use some tic tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.” “Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything. And when you’re a star they let you do it.”
Those are all direct quotes taking from an open mic during a _____ interview with Billy Bush and now, a year later, he’s trying to question their authenticity?
Why? Are there more tapes about to come out? More vile things the Fat Bastard said about women? And all this on the heels of him throwing his support behind Moore, who has been accused by at least nine women of various acts of inappropriate behavior, child sexual assault, and sexual assault including groping.
According to The New York Times _____ “sees the calls for Mr. Moore to step aside as a version of the response to the now-famous “Access Hollywood” tape, in which he boasted about grabbing women’s genitalia, and the flood of groping accusations against him that followed soon after. He suggested to a senator earlier this year that it was not authentic, and repeated that claim to an adviser more recently.”
Even though, hours after the tapes were released, _____ acknowledged that the voice was his, and he apologized. And he thinks we’ll buy that now? Well, maybe the Deplorables will get on board but …
And then _____ denigrated and diminished the service of U.S. troops fighting in the Middle East—including those who gave their lives—by saying it was a "mistake" they were there at all. And then he proceeded to tell these men and women, who didn’t use bone spurs as an excuse not to serve, but volunteered their service, that he would be talking with the dictatorial president of Turkey so he can ahem, get mid-East peace "done."
He then blamed the mess in the Middle East on Obama, even though wars have been fought there for centuries.
Yes, the President of the United States thinks he can secure Middle East peace with a phone call, but then he thought he could send Jared Kushner over there to fix it earlier this year and that went nowhere, so, yeah, he’s a fool.
Still, on this holiday weekend, when so many in our military are away from family and loved ones, the Commander-in-Chief-of-Bone-Spurs calls their sacrifice a "mistake."
And lastly, on his first Thanksgiving as Commander-in-Chief-of-Bone-Spurs, _____ teleconferenced with several different branches of the Armed Forces, including the 82nd Airborne Division, a fighting team so accomplished they are considered among the most highly-trained in the world.
The Fat Bastard spoke to them from his posh vacation home, in between rounds of golf, for a total of seven minutes.
Seven minutes is all our troops deserve from the president and he mostly complained about having the press in the room with him:
"You’re very, very special people to me, and to everyone in this country, that I can tell you. Surrounding me is a lot of press, better me than you, believe me fellas, better me than you … It’s an honor to speak with you all, to give God thanks for the blessing of freedom, heroes, tremendous courage, Very, very special people. It doesn’t get more special."
And then he spoke to members of the 82nd Airborne:
"I have to say just directly to the folks in Afghanistan: everybody’s talking about the progress you’ve made in the last few months since I opened it up. We opened it up, we said go ahead, we’re going to fight to win. We’re not fighting anymore to just walk around, we’re fighting to win, and you people are really, you’ve turned it around over the last three to four months like nobody’s seen, and they are talking about it, so thank you very much. Brave, incredible fighters."
But when he got to members of the Coast Guard near Kuwait, _____ told men and women at war this:
“For each of you. I know it’s hard to be away from home at this time of the year. We’re doing well at home. The economy is doing really great."
Yes, men and women fighting for their country should be happy to know that the economy is booming?
Then _____ took Melania to the U.S. Coast Guard Lake Worth Inlet Station in Riviera Beach so he could tell them:
“Incredible people, you’ve done an incredible job.”
And then he told them what he really thinks they're fighting for and it isn’t freedom … it isn’t democracy … it isn’t equality or even peace … but "something real" and "something good": a "record high stock market" and low unemployment.
"When you come back, you are going to see with the jobs and companies coming back into our country and the stock market just hit a record high. Unemployment is the lowest it’s been in 17 years. So you’re fighting for something real, you’re fighting for something good. A lot of things have happened with our country over the last very short period of time, and they’re really good, they’re really good. I especially like saying that companies are starting to come back. Now we’re working on tax cuts—big, fat, beautiful tax cuts. And hopefully we’ll get that and then you’re really going to see things happen.”
And then he told these men and women that this new economic boom and this higher stock market are good for their 401k's … The Coast Guard does not offer a 401k plans, though it does offer something similar.
And the seven minutes was up and he was gone … to golf.
Now, I’ll finish with this, anyone on the right, and we know the right is all about troops and morality and family values, can still think a man who grabs women by the pussy, a man who says a pedophile in the senate is a good thing, a man who shames our troops because he hasn’t a clue as to what they’re doing, or what they’re giving up for their country, anyone who still thinks that Fat Bastard is fit to be president, can just stop.
You’re as a bad a liar as he is.
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Sunday, November 26, 2017
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