It's Snarkurday!

Johnny Depp spent a month touring with his “band,” The Hollywood Vampires, and when he returned to America, eagle-eyed observers noticed something different.

After Johnny married Amber Heard, he had the word “SLIM” tattooed on his knuckles; many people thought “SLIM” was a nickname for Amber, or maybe a private joke between the two.

But “SLIM” is no more; it now reads “SCUM.” Huh; maybe it was Amber’s nickname because it also appears that Depp “blackened out” the tattoo he had of Amber’s face on his right bicep.

Back in the day, when Johnny split up with former flame Winona Ryder he simply changed his “Winona Forever” tattoo into “Wino Forever.”

And that tattoo might have been the root of one of the problems in the Depp/Heard house … Wino.

Just in case you forgot Chris Brown was out to destroy everyone around him, and himself, here’s more:

Last week we learned he was being sued by a couple of people, and had fired a few others from his inner circle, but this time it’s about Chris taking his temper out on his surroundings.

On tour in Europe, Brown had rented a villa, though who in their right mind would rent anything, much less a villa, to Chris Brown? Perhaps someone who’s never heard of Chris Brown and his Temper?

Well, the landlord found out the hard way. It seems Chris was supposed to be out of the house at a certain time, but decided not to leave so the landlord called police in to remove Squatting Brown; it turns out that was the least of his problems.

According to a police report, the home was, ALLEGEDLY, a disaster. There were knife marks on the walls — either from throwing knives or carving up walls for no reason — and someone had peed on one of the beds; oh, and there was vomit everywhere.

The landlord claims Brown owes him $26,000 in rent, but after adding up the cost of all the damage, he now wants $60,000. A source close to Chris — seriously, who’s left? — says the rent issue is settled, and the reason it hadn’t been paid on time was due to a banking issue on the landlord’s end because, in Chris Brown’s world it’s always someone else’s fault.

Seriously. Don’t rent to Chris Brown … even an Outhouse deserves to be treated better.

Lindsay Lohan recently spoke with Vanity Fair about turning 30 and talked about the next chapter in her life and, it appears, The Cracken is writing a book …er, she’s having someone write her book.

But it’s not gonna be about ‘Lindsay The Drugged Out Mess’ or ‘Lindsay The Bar Brawler’ or ‘Lindsay The Jewel Thief’ or even ‘Lindsay The Former Child Star Turned Sloppy Mess Who’s Now Engaged To A Rich Russian’. Nope; Lindsay’s writing a self-help memoir:

“I am in the process of writing a book [about] my personal experiences in life and how to overcome obstacles. I hope that my words will connect with those who need some guidance when [or] if they are in a tough place. I am grateful that I have a voice, which I can now feel comfortable using as a platform to let people know that we all have ups and downs in life, and we can all come up from the downs if we get in touch with our inner self and spiritual side.”

So, it’s Lindsay The Delusional Wacktress Who “Wrote” A Book No One Asked For?

Lindsay also added that she’s gonna start making movies again:

“Making more films, writing my book, starting my charity, working with children a lot. Maybe having some of my own soon—after I get some movies done, first.”

Funny that, since no one is asking for a Lohan film or a book.

Well, it’s official: Clint and Dina Eastwood, while now divorced, are still one degree of separation away since Dina just married the ex-husband of Clint’s ex-girlfriend. I guess they live in a really small, inbred, kinda town?

After dating for three years, Dina has married basketball coach and old college friend, Scott Fisher, who just happens to be the ex-husband of a woman Clint dated while separated, but still married to, Dina.

See, Dina and Scott started, um, “reaching out” to one another while still married and when Erica, Scott’s wife, told Clint about the “reaching out,” they began, um, “reaching out,” too. And, when Dina got word that Clint was with Erica she suddenly filed for divorce. I guess the news that Clint was “reaching out” to Erica was just too much “reaching out” for Dina.

Sadly, while Dina and Scott are now officially husband-and-wife — for now — Clint and Erica are no longer “reaching.”

Seriously. It all has kind of a HazMat, Petri dish kinda feeling to it. I mean, your husband has, um, dipped his wick into you and your ex-husband’s ex-girlfriend who happens to be his ex-wife.

Ick. The upside is that Clint is now rumored to be dating a chair he met at the 2008 Republican National Convention.

I guess if you’re gonna marry Ciara you’re gonna get dragged into her very messy, multi-million dollar lawsuit against Future, her Baby Daddy. At least that’s what happened to her fiancé Russell Wilson.

Ciara has filed more legal documents in her $15 million defamation lawsuit against Future but this time it’s nothing to do with Who Gets The Baby. Nope, Ciara is now claiming to be terrified, terrified, I tell ya, that Future might be fixing to harm Russell because, she says, Future has been making “threats” towards Russell by using, wait for it, it’s stupid, gun emojis on Instagram.

Oh, and he’s singing about it, too; see, Ciara brings up a song Future released last month called “Juice” — even Future is trying to make coins off’a OJ — in which, she says, he smacks at Russell by saying:

“Tryna f**k my baby mama, dog what’s up with you? You gon’ make me get that heat, I’m pulling up on you.”

Um, maybe Future is talking about any number of his other Baby Mama?

Sit down Ciara; you just got married. Have a honeymoon and then come back with the drama.

So, the rumor was that Calvin Harris is the one who broke it off with Taylor Swift because he wanted no part of her Cotton Candy Wedding and didn’t want one of her cats to be his Best Man, but maybe he’s the one nursing the broken heart?

I mean, Taylor moved onto to photo ops with Tom Hiddleston about twelve seconds about Calvin left her Barbie Dreamhouse and now Calvin is playing the Heartsick Blues. He’s been in Mexico for a week and is ALLEGEDLY collaborating on a new song with British singer John Newman in which Calvin takes some digs at TayTay. The song is called “Ole,” and is written from Tom Hiddleston’s POV with the lyrics saying Taylor began boning Tom long before Calvin fled Candyland.

One lyric, sung as Tom, says:

“I see online that you begun to be a good girl and take trips with your boyfriend. Being attentive, continue to pretend …”

Another "Tom" line says:

“You’ve hidden my name in your phone so you can call me to tell me you’ve been going through hell. Left him alone and you booked in a hotel.”

And then Calvin cleverly … if you like a good conspiracy … uses Hiddleston’s ‘Thor’ character Loki in one line:

“Low key you won’t tell none of your friends about me.”

People close to Calvin, or, um, yeah, it’s Calvin, say he isn’t angry with Hiddleston; he feels Tom is under Taylor’s spell — I threw up a little in my mouth at that thought — and has no control over the situation and the planned Fourth of July photo shoots with professional photographers ordered weeks in advance of the TayTay-Calvin Split.

Just sayin’.